Page 43 of Escape to the Country

‘Who knows what the future will hold, darling, who knows. We’ll just see what happens. What’s meant to be will be.’

I supposed it was better to be like that than worrying about the future. She was so wise and I felt that I had a lot to learn from her even after all these years.

* * *

Another delicious meal that evening saw us sat with a whole new group of people comprising of two married couples and a family. I’d always thought cruises were for the older age range, but clearly times had changed and now it was becoming a really popular holiday choice for families too.

Mum loved the fact that there was a full-sized theatre on board. She’d found out from the people beside her that there was what promised to be a ‘totally incredible illusion show, which will blow your mind’ – and it most certainly did. We were totally astonished by the trickery and magic that left us completely baffled. When they asked for some audience participation, I was so surprised when Mum raised her hand and yelled ‘Me, me!’ at the top of her voice. It was obviously loud enough to catch the attention of the show’s main illusionist who asked her to join him on stage. Mum had no inhibitions, and I started to remember that she had been like this before when I was younger and at an age where I found it embarrassing. I had told her so, in a huge row one day, so she had toned it all down for me. Now I was older and seeing her as a person in her own right, other than just my mum, I found it enchanting, and I stood and clapped her back to her seat when she’d done her part in the show.

‘You’re amazing, Mum. I do love you!’ She smiled and kissed me on the cheek as she sat back in her chair, her eyes sparkling and mischievous. How did I not know this side of her? How refreshing to get to know her properly after all this time.

‘Come on, darling, let’s hit the casino.’ Determined to make the most of every minute she was on board this floating hotel, she grabbed my hand and I laughed as she led me into yet another part of the ship that we hadn’t explored fully. It would appear that she’d been doing her homework. Satisfied when she ended the night a hundred euros up, we headed off to bed quite exhausted.

* * *

It was incredibly refreshing to wake up in a different place each day, and the following morning we opened the curtains to a view of mountains and cream houses with terracotta roofs clustered on the hillsides. The tannoy announced our arrival in Dubrovnik.

After breakfast was served on the decking overlooking the port, we took the shuttle bus into the Old Town. The streets of the centre looked as if someone had been up polishing them all night. It was the cleanest place I had ever seen. We spent a day wandering through the pedestrian-only streets, visiting Baroque churches and stunning palazzos, and sat people-watching in a little café where we drank freshly brewed coffee and ate pastries.

We were shattered by the time we returned to the ship and had a lie down for half an hour out on the balcony before getting ready for what turned out to be the most exquisite five-course evening meal. To be honest, I was ready for bed after that, but Mum insisted that we could sleep when we got home and should appreciate every single opportunity that we had on the cruise, so we ended up watching a cabaret singer in one of the larger bars on board. A saunter around the top deck before bed made us both really weary, but what a magical day we had had and what wonderful memories we had made.

* * *

The next day was a sailing day as we headed back to Venice, and Mum brought the itinerary out to the balcony as we drank our morning tea. She told me that she was going to pottery painting at ten thirty, and line dancing at three. She invited me to join her but I wasn’t totally sure she wanted me to, so I politely declined and said that I was going to lie on deck with a book and would meet up with her for lunch. I’d brought a book away with me that was all about making lists for the future. I felt that a bit of soul-searching was in order for me to move forward, and Beth’s words about what the future held for me had really hit home. I wanted to spend some time thinking about what my hopes and dreams actually were these days. Beth had given me some magazines to look through to give me some inspiration and told me that when I got back, we were going to spend some time making vision boards. I’d heard of them before but didn’t really know much about them, but when she explained in a little more detail, and I googled the definition once I’d gone home, it sounded like a fabulous idea. Beth never ceased to amaze me. I would never have imagined that she would know about things like this, but she told me that she’d been on a course and how she found that it had really helped her. She was going to order us both some cork boards and we were going to make a collage of words, pictures and affirmations of our dreams and desires. Apparently, when you put all these things together and applied the law of attraction, it would give you the motivation and inspiration to make all your wishes come true. It sounded too good to be true to me, and all a bit mumbo jumbo, but I was willing to give anything a go these days.

* * *

After breakfast, Mum went off to her class and I ordered a coffee from the bar and chose a sunbed overlooking the pool and jacuzzi areas. I sat and pondered life and what I was going to do with my future.

I allowed my mind to wander, and I must have drifted off to sleep as I felt a shake of my arm and woke to see Mum standing over me, saying that she had finished her pottery class and was starving. I couldn’t believe that after another mammoth sleep in, I’d then slept again. I was supposed to be filling my lists in. Although I supposed there would be plenty of time to do that over the next few weeks. We pottered off to the self-service buffet restaurant and surprised ourselves by filling our plates and scoffing the lot. Perhaps the sea air was giving us both an appetite.

People were wandering up to Mum while we were eating and chatting and laughing with her and I’d never seen her look so happy. I was now seeing Mum as Josie, a really kind, funny friend of mine who was incredibly good company, instead ofjustmy mum.

After lunch we just sat around on deck, chatting. Being in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight, with a book in one hand and a cocktail in the other, made me feel incredibly at peace with the world. Nothing was required of me; food and drink were available at every moment of every day, and there was no worrying about the challenges and chores of work, which had taken over my life for so long. And more than anything, I was having a really lovely time with my mum. While she went off to her line-dancing session, I pondered life and realised that as we were heading back, there were some very important decisions I really needed to make my mind up about.

* * *

As we sailed back into Venice, we stood side by side on deck with our arms around each other, taking in the spectacular sights as we sailed past the Piazza San Marco and the entrance to the Grand Canal before docking in port. Sadly, we hadn’t seen much of Venice as we’d flown straight in and would fly straight back out again, but we made a pact there and then to come back for a weekend really soon together and properly see the sights.

After a short wait in one of the bars, we disembarked and were ushered to an awaiting coach where, after a swift journey back to the airport, we were whisked through all the airport necessities and back onto a plane returning to the heady heights of the West Midlands. Mum looked exhausted as she laid her head on my shoulder and fell asleep before we’d even taken off.

As we flew over the clouds, my mind wandered off at a million miles an hour, and my dad popped into my head again. I found myself wondering again what he looked like, whether he was still alive, whether he’d ever had children – which meant that I might have brothers and sisters – and how Mum might feel if I ever decided I wanted to contact him. So many questions that I still wanted to ask were unfolding every time I allowed myself to think about him, but I was so grateful that I had more answers now than I’d ever had before.

When we sat in the taxi back to Giddywell from the airport, and spots of warm summer rain appeared on the window of the car, I wondered if that spectacular trip had really happened or if it was all a dream.

19

My first day back after the cruise was going to be a home day consisting of cleaning, washing and ironing, so I decided to make some homemade sausage rolls and cheese pies before I got started on the housework. I still couldn’t believe I was cooking and baking. I had surprised myself by finding out that I was actually pretty good at it.

Not having time before for cooking had made me think that I couldn’t do it. Eating home-cooked food was healthier and I enjoyed spending time doing it. Meals were all about the convenience these days, yet some of the things that our parents used to have to do, such as peeling the potatoes and preparing veg, filled time and were relaxing and seen as downtime from work. Quite proud of my pies and rolls, I left them to cool and thought I’d pop some round to Mum’s on the way to the supermarket early that evening. Daft as it sounded, after spending all that lovely time with her, I’d felt quite lonely last night and I missed her company.

As the food was cooling on the side, I went upstairs to sort and gather the washing from my suitcase. Baxter was sitting in his basket, licking his lips ecstatically and looking mighty proud of himself when I came down – and then I noticed the half-eaten sausage rolls on the side. The little bugger had only gone and helped himself. Clearly nothing was safe, and it reminded me to make sure that any food left on the side was put away before I went anywhere.

Annoyed that I’d wasted time and hadn’t got anything to take to Mum’s, I popped to the supermarket and grabbed the essentials I needed and a bunch of flowers for Mum. She always loved fresh flowers. I decided to get some for Beth too, to thank her for such an amazing gift.

When I arrived, raised voices could be heard from outside the front door. I knew that Edward was there because his car was on the drive. I knocked on the door, let myself in and quietly said ‘Hello!’ But they clearly didn’t hear me, because they didn’t stop shouting at each other. My first thought was surprise that things weren’t hunky-dory between them, as I had imagined.

I didn’t know whether to go in or not, so I stood for a moment outside the kitchen door leaning against the hall wall.

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