Page 9 of Escape to the Country

She was bright red in the face, furious with me. I didn’t think anyone could ever have spoken to her like that in her life.

She went to speak but I held my hand up, palm towards her, to silence her. ‘Let me stop you there!’

And I picked up my handbag from the side of my desk, grabbed my jacket from the back of my chair and walked out of the double entrance doors to Gym Fit for the last time.

* * *

I couldn’t face going back to the apartment, so I dropped the car off into my parking space and decided to go for a walk to cheer myself up. I couldn’t believe that in less than a week, I was out of work again. There was a children’s park just down the road from the development and I found myself heading there as I did so often when I needed to clear my head. Sitting on an empty bench overlooking the play area probably wasn’t one of my brightest ideas. A pretty little girl in denim shorts and a flowery long-sleeved t-shirt played in the sandpit while her mum took her phone out and snapped lots of pictures. The daughter ran up to her mum and, chuckling, flung her arms around her neck and threw her body weight at her. Her mum laughed as she fell backwards and they hugged tightly and she showered her mum with kisses.

It felt like a stab to the heart, and a lone tear rolled down my cheek as I thought about what might have been if my life had turned out differently. Whether I’d have made a good mum. It was a question I’d asked myself many times.

That first tear must have broken the seal, and more streamed uncontrollably as reality started to sink in. I had no job. I had no children. Nothing to get up for. No purpose in life. That panicked feeling came crashing over me again and I grabbed onto the bench for support.

A cold, wet nose nudged my hand and I looked down to see a beautiful furry face staring at me.

‘Excuse me for poking my nose in, but are you OK, my lovely?’

I turned my head towards the sound of a woman’s voice, and had been so deep in my misery that I hadn’t even noticed that someone had joined me on the bench. I soon realised that it was the dog-walking lady that I saw sometimes from my window. She was older close-up than I’d originally thought, but even prettier than she looked from a distance. Her blonde hair was swept back Grace Kelly style in a sleek clip, revealing naturally high cheekbones and perfect rosebud lips.

I tried to speak, but nothing came out and my breath just wouldn’t come.

‘Just breathe, my dear. Deep breaths; look at me and do it with me. In, two, three. And out, two, three. And again. In, two, three. And out, two, three.’

She took my hand and smiled at me as I looked at her intently, and after a few seconds of repeating what she told me to do, my breathing steadied and finally I felt able to speak.

‘Thank you. So kind of you. I’m not sure what came over me.’

‘Well, something has certainly upset you. I live just round the corner. Why don’t you come and sit in my garden and I’ll make you a nice hot sweet cup of tea? It looks like you need one. Perhaps you might want to talk about what’s upset you. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. But if you don’t want to share, you can just sit and gather yourself together.’

‘Thank you so much, but please don’t let me interrupt the rest of your afternoon. I’ll be fine, honestly.’

She picked up my jacket and my handbag from the bench and handed them to me.

‘You are far from fine, young lady. You’re shaking like a leaf and you’re not interrupting anything at all. I was only popping to the shop anyway for something to do to fill my time. Sometimes in life, we need a little helping hand, and this afternoon I’d like to be yours. I’m Alice, by the way.’ She tucked her arm into mine and led the way steadily. I was glad of her support as I was still feeling a little wobbly, and I introduced myself.

Just around the corner, tucked away, was the prettiest little picture postcard cottage I had ever seen. We walked through a low gate and along a winding path weaving through a small but perfectly formed front garden full of glorious flowers in bloom to a vintage green front door. Just being in that garden was making me feel a whole lot calmer.

‘If you want to take yourself through to the back garden, go through that side gate. I’ll be round in a minute or two.’

I walked through the big gate, which looked like it led to a secret garden. Taking a seat, I looked around me and noticed that it flowed effortlessly into another beautiful garden space, with a vegetable patch at the bottom, a small pond and a decking area with outside seating. I listened to the wooden wind chimes tinkling away as I turned my head towards the warm early spring sun. My breath slowed down to somewhere near normal and I felt much steadier.

‘Here you go, tea and biccies. My grandmother used to swear that it solved everything.’ She placed a tray with two pretty Emma Bridgewater mugs and a plate with a selection of biscuits on the table, and my tummy rumbled as I realised I had never got around to eating lunch today. The golden Cockerpoo I was so used to seeing her walking was now scampering around her legs.

‘You really are very kind, Alice. Thank you.’ I put my hand down and ruffled the fur on the dog’s head.

‘Ah, it’s a pleasure to help. I lost my husband suddenly earlier this year and I’ve had times when I’ve been out and had a little panic attack and not known what to do with myself. I wish that someone had helped me, so I wanted to stop and help you. You looked like you were having a bad day!’ She passed me the plate and told me to help myself. I was actually quite starving. Sadly, I was not one of those people who went off their food when a trauma occurred. There wasn’t much that would put me off eating, which was probably why I was an ample size fourteen. Something else that Jamie had always wanted to change, encouraging me to go to the gym all the time.

‘I’m so sorry to hear that. It must be hard to adapt.’ I picked up my tea and took a sip. Hot and sweet, just how I liked it.

‘It is. We’d just celebrated our ruby wedding anniversary when I lost him. I wake up sometimes and forget he’s gone. When I reach over to touch him, it hits me all over again. Good job I’ve got this little monster here to make me get up in the morning or some days I’m not sure I’d actually leave my bed.’ She stroked the Cockerpoo tenderly on the head and passed him a treat, which she had also brought out on the tray. ‘Baxter here keeps me sane, don’t you, my darling? So do you want to talk about what’s upset you, or would you rather not? Sometimes it helps to talk things through though.’ Baxter surprised me by jumping up onto my lap and snuggling down for a cuddle. He really was a cutie.

Alice smiled. ‘Dogs always seem to sense when someone is upset.’

I tickled him gently behind his ears as he nuzzled his head further into my hand, and as I smiled at him, he looked up and I’m sure he winked at me. ‘Well, I don’t really know where to start, to be honest. I’ve recently been made redundant, applied for two jobs, got turned down for one and taken on at another, which was the worst job I’ve ever had, and about an hour ago I walked out on that. I’ve given my life to my last company for twelve years and I’ve never walked out of a job. And to be honest, I really don’t know what I’m going to do.’

I could feel myself welling up again. Hearing it all out in the open made me realise how crappy my life was.

Since being made redundant, I had been struggling with the feeling that I just wasn’t needed anywhere, and I had come to realise that this was something that was really important to me in life. Without it, I felt bereft. When I was at work, someone always needed me. If it wasn’t the sales department asking about sales figures or budgets, it was the creative department, needing to know what artwork and text should look like. And Celine needed me. She had no idea who our best clients were, or who was lined up for future projects, and sometimes she just needed me to boost her ego and make her feel better, but since the day I walked out the door, no one had needed me.

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