Page 4 of Escape to the Country

After I’d left school, I didn’t appreciate it at all and couldn’t wait to get away, but right now it felt like it was just where I needed to be.

I told her about my awful morning and she held me in her arms while I cried again. ‘Come on, my darling, you have a good old cry now. Better out than in.’ This was a phrase I’d heard many times over the years.

‘Do you know, Madison, sometimes things happen in our lives that are a blessing to us eventually, but we don’t realise it at the time. Perhaps this has happened because you need a change. This could be an opportunity for you to do something different. Change sometimes is good, even if it comes about because it has to, rather than because it’s your choice.’

Maybe Mum was right, but I just couldn’t get my head around it. I had worked my whole adult life, never having any time off. Except the sickness absence I’d needed to get over what had happened with Jamie.

Now was not the time to be thinking of that, though. I had enough to worry about.

‘Perhaps it’s time to rethink your life and consider other options. Maybe there’s something you’ve always had a burning desire to do. Set up on your own; you are clearly good at what you do or they wouldn’t have kept you for twelve years.’

‘But now I’m wondering if I ever was that good, Mum. If I was, why would they get rid of me?’

‘Sometimes, companies have to make sacrifices, darling. I know it’s hard and I know it’s all you’ve ever known, but it could be a godsend too. Maybe time will tell.’

I just couldn’t see that right now though. All I felt was hurt and sad and disappointed and my pride had been severely dented. I felt like a fool.

Mum served us both up a dish of homemade chicken and vegetable soup and crusty bread and butter. It surprised me how hungry I was, although I hadn’t grabbed any breakfast that morning, and I devoured the whole dishful.

After lunch she took me through to the lounge and made me lie on the settee while she tucked me up under the cashmere throw that I’d bought for her last Christmas. I felt like a little girl again being looked after by her mum and it felt good. Really good. We watched a couple of programmes on TV about antiques and their value and a programme about people who wanted to relocate abroad that didn’t take any concentration but just got my mind off stuff for the moment.

‘Oh, darling, I completely forgot to tell you the reason why I wanted to speak to you earlier. Lynne and John next door have just become grandparents for the first time. Isn’t that wonderful? Curtis and Holly had a little girl yesterday morning. Isn’t that lovely? Lynne popped round to tell me last night. They are all obviously over the moon and the whole reason for me calling you in the first place was to see if you could think of something that I could buy them? A little keepsake of some kind.’

This news stung a little, I must admit, but I tried not to show it.

‘Oh, that’s nice news, I’ll have a think.’

Mum was so excited for them and it made me feel even sadder and even more of a failure for not being able to give her the same joy in her life.

Raindrops appeared on the window, and Mum said she needed to get the washing off the line and I watched her through the French doors. They were her pride and joy; she’d saved up for years for them and they’d changed the lounge dramatically. This home was so cosy and welcoming. I looked around the room and inhaled the familiarity. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done this. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I had come home, properly home, without just popping by. Working all hours meant that I’d prioritised work and not my family, which I regretted somewhat now that they had got rid of me. I should have made more time for Mum. I really should. Why didn’t I see it then? Too busy thinking of myself, I guessed, and putting work first. Always rushing, always having to get back to do something for work. And look how that had turned out.

‘Stay here for the rest of the day, darling, and let me look after you. I know you probably won’t want to but you could stay the night, you know. Your room hasn’t changed a bit. All your things are still here. There’s even some of your teenage pyjamas. I’m sure they’ll still fit you.’

‘You don’t have to look after me, Mum. I’m a grown woman.’

She grinned wearily. ‘Oh, I know I don’t have to, darling, but you will always be my little girl no matter what your age. And anyway, Iwantto look after you. I’m your mum. It’s my job. You could even go and see Beth tomorrow. I bet you haven’t seen her for ages.’

This time last week, this scenario would have been my worst nightmare, but right now it was the best feeling in the world. I should have done this before. Why did I have to wait for a crisis to happen in my life for me to appreciate my mum?

We watched mindless TV for the rest of the evening and at around 9p.m., I went up to my room and wrapped myself up in the duvet. Mum came up with me and waited as I used the bathroom, then she tucked me in just like old times and kissed the top of my head.

‘Goodnight, my darling, and try not to worry. We can get through anything, you and I.’

‘Night, Mum.’

As I looked around my childhood bedroom, which Mum had never redecorated because she said she loved the memories it gave her, my last thoughts were about how excited I had been travelling into work this morning, yet what an unexpected turn of events had changed my life.

Right now I felt like a complete and utter failure. For the first time in years, I had no idea what tomorrow would bring and that was a hugely scary prospect.

4

When I woke the following morning, I was a bit disorientated. Looking around the room, I saw pictures of Take That Blu-Tacked to the wall, and I realised exactly where I was, and why. I looked at the bedside clock and saw it was 7a.m. I’d been asleep for nearly ten hours. I really couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept for that long.

I smiled as I looked at the boys back in the day, dressed in leather and covered in jelly and ice cream, and remembered how devastated I’d been when Robbie left the group and when they split up. I was so distressed at the time, and I smiled now remembering that Beth had sent me a ‘with sympathy’ card, which she’d found hilarious. I thought about how they must have felt, and how hard it must have been for them at that point in their lives. After years of being together, they had to get used to a life of not being in a band and had to start all over again, a situation I felt I could completely relate to. Although I was sure they had a little more cash in the bank than I did.

But then look at what they’d achieved since then. The fab five were now the awesome three, and extremely successful in a different way. So, it just went to show that you could make a comeback and be a huge success again. If they could do it, perhaps anyone could. Did I have the strength though? I guessed I’d have to discover that.

I picked up my phone from the bedside table, the first thing I did every day – a habit I really needed to break – and noticed a text message from Beth sent the evening before when I was well and truly in the land of nod.

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