Page 39 of Escape to the Country

She wrapped her arms around me. Whenever I was upset, she made everything feel a million times better just with one of her hugs.

She broke away as Edward came back into the room. ‘Perhaps we need something a little stronger than tea!’ She reached to the top shelf of the Welsh dresser by the back door and pulled down a bottle of gin and grinned at me.

‘Edward, you’ll join us for a little one? Madison has man problems.’

He walked past me, gently resting his hands on my shoulders for just a short moment. It was a very reassuring, kind gesture and I felt a little of the pressure leave my body through his hands. ‘Just a very small one for me, as I’m driving later.’ He smiled at Mum.

‘Oh gosh yes, me too, I have to drive home. Perhaps I’d better not.’

‘Nonsense, darling, you can get a taxi back to the farm or walk, or you can stop here. You know that we’ve always had the biggest discussions in our life over a gin and tonic. There’s nothing that a good chat with your old mum and a gin and tonic can’t sort out. Isn’t that right?’

‘You’re right. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t planning on spoiling your afternoon though, Edward.’

‘Honestly, Madison, you’re not spoiling anything as far as I’m concerned. We were only sitting chatting. You never know, maybe I could give you the man’s perspective on the situation. And I can even be a taxi driver later and run you home if you fancy another G&T after that one.’ He really was a kind man and I liked him very much. His smile reached his eyes, which were all twinkly, and he was very handsome. He really reminded me of someone but I still couldn’t put my finger on who. I was sure it would come to me one day. I was so glad that this lovely man was in my mum’s life.

‘Oh go on then, Mum.’

She patted my hand and grabbed some tall crystal cut glasses out of the dresser.

‘Crikey, Edward, you can come again. She’s using the best glasses.’

Mum grinned. ‘I’m getting too old to save things for best these days. And we’re worth the best all the time, don’t you think?’

Edward seemed really good for Mum. She was generally brighter, if possible, as if she was happier. She was also looking really lovely today and had obviously made an effort, knowing that she had a visitor. A cornflower blue cashmere jumper really brought out the colour of her eyes and I spotted that she was wearing mascara, a natural-coloured lipstick and possibly a bit of bronzer, which really complemented her beautiful face. She always said that her hair was grey, but today, it looked like shimmering silver, glossy and sleek. She looked like Helen Mirren, and I saw her for the first time as a really attractive, striking older woman. My lovely mum!

‘So come on then, spit it out. What’s he got to say for himself?’

Mum and Edward listened attentively while I explained that Jamie had been back in touch and about his proposition. Even though I hadn’t known Edward long, it felt right to be sat here discussing these things with him. I had a whole backstory to fill him in on, and he ummed and aahed in all the right places, making me like him even more.

‘So what is your heart telling you?’ Mum asked as she poured us another G&T. This drinking in the day was beginning to be a bit of a habit. That afternoon in the pub with Ivan had kick-started another enjoyable pastime for me. Edward shook his head and smiled at her as she offered him another.

‘My heart is telling me that I used to love him. That we were really good together, and that we had lovely things, a nice flat, a great life. I never had to worry about where the next penny was coming from and we enjoyed being together.’

‘Before you caught him having it off with that floozy, you mean?’ Despite the fact that this was true, hearing my mum say ‘having it off’ was hilarious. Edward and I sniggered at each other across the table even though we were talking about one of the worst moments of my life. Maybe the combination of gin and unburdening how I felt was making me feel lighter about the whole situation.

‘And what about your head, Madison?’ Edward quizzed me next.

‘Well, there’s a part of me that’s wondering why he’s getting in touch now after three years. And there’s another part of me wondering whether he offered me a job because his business is struggling and whether that’s the only reason he wants to get back with me. And there’s yet another part of me that wonders whether because he’s cheated on me once, he’ll do it again one day, after I’ve put all my trust back in him. You know, Mum, how hard it is for me to trust a man. I’ve never had a father in my life, you see, Edward, and it’s made me really wary of getting too close to anyone. I lowered all my barriers with Jamie and then he let me down. Do people just hurt you on your way through life? And is it a case of better the devil you know?’

‘If I may comment?’

I nodded at Edward’s question. ‘Please do. I’m so confused, any advice is welcome.’

‘People can change, Madison. Perhaps giving him a chance to prove himself is the only way you’ll know if he has. Your mother has obviously told me about how much you’ve missed having your father in your life. I’m sure that if your father was lucky enough to meet you now, he’d see the beautiful, wonderful, kind, feisty girl that you are today, despite him not being around. I’m sure he’s kicked himself every day of his life for not being part of yours. Sometimes you regret things more than you ever think could be possible. But you’ve damaged things so much that you don’t know how to start to mend them.’ He caught Mum’s eye and she turned away and looked out of the window to the bottom of the garden.

‘Sometimes you have to go back in life to be able to move forwards. Don’t let the past hold you back and stop the future being wonderful. People don’t always get the chance to be with the people that they love.’ I saw him quickly glance at Mum. I don’t think he knew that I’d seen it. ‘Sometimes you meet people again later in life and feel like you’ve missed out on a whole life in between. But life is too short to regret things you did and even more the things you didn’t do, and you don’t want to wonder “what if” for the rest of your life. You can’t change anything that’s happened in the past, but you can change the future. The future is in your hands. Make sure you choose wisely.’

Blimey, that was a bit deep and meaningful. I wondered what had gone on in his past for him to make this monumental speech. I wasn’t even sure whether he was talking about my father here or Jamie.

Mum was looking rather glassy-eyed; perhaps she’d been a bit heavy-handed with the Bombay Sapphire. She stared at Edward as if seeing him for the first time. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. I think she liked him an awful lot and I really hoped that for the first time in many years, she’d found someone that she might make a future with, someone who would spend the rest of his life making her happy. There had obviously been something between them when they were at school and it was nice that they were rekindling an old friendship, whatever it might lead to in the future.

She deserved happiness with someone after all these years of being alone. If I ever met my dad, there would always be a little bit of me that would want to wring his neck for putting my mum through what he did. In my head, I’d definitely given him a piece of my mind many a time. Shame it was only in my head.

‘What do you think, Mum?’

‘To be honest, darling, I was going to say stay away from him. He hurt you so much and as your mum, the last thing you want to see is your child being distressed, but perhaps Edward is right. Perhaps if you don’t try, you’ll never know if someone has changed, or whether you want to be with them.’

Mum somehow, in her tiddly state, managed to put some nibbles together to soak up the gin, although Edward did make her sit down at one point and took over, as she was getting a little lairy, waving a knife around as she was talking to us. I asked Edward if his offer of a lift home still stood. Even though I hadn’t made any decisions about the Jamie situation, it really had helped to talk about it.

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