Page 33 of Escape to the Country

So, my decision had been to dress up, but to do it not for him, but for me, to give me the confidence I needed. The dogs didn’t appreciate me making an effort so I didn’t bother much these days and lived in jeans and hoodies, with my hair up in a clip and rarely any make-up, but to my surprise, I was feeling more comfortable in my own skin than ever before without all the decoration that I used to need.

I chose my favourite navy-blue wrap dress that pulled me in and pushed me out in all the right places, along with a pair of red high heels which hurt like hell but looked good, and a linen short jacket. I’d spent hours with my hair in curlers, and I carefully applied my make-up, and my bright crimson lipstick gave the perfect finishing touch and that extra boost of va va voom! It felt good to get dressed up, yet a little fake, considering how I normally spent my days right now. To be totally honest, I felt more comfy in my scruffy clothes and flat shoes, and I never thought for one minute that I’d admit to that. But right now, I needed to feel confident, to make sure I had the upper hand and wasn’t a pushover. As the taxi driver beeped his arrival, I practically fell over in my high heels. It had been weeks since I’d worn this type of shoe, and I felt like I’d already forgotten how to wear them despite, not very long ago, wearing them every single day.

Walking into the restaurant, early of course, I noticed heads turn in my direction, and I smiled coyly at a group of businessmen that I had to walk past to get to the table. When I sat down and flicked my hair seductively, smiling at the men, I felt something that didn’t feel quite right hit me in the side of my face and was completely horrified to discover three fluorescent self-gripping rollers still in my hair and one stuck on the back of my coat. Oh fuck! I was such an idiot.

The waitress came over, noticing my distress, and blocked the way so that I could adjust myself and pull the rollers out. She was so kind and helpful. It brought to mind that saying: ‘Be the woman who fixes another woman’s crown without telling the world that it was crooked’, and I vowed there and then that I wanted to be that woman too and that the next time I saw someone in a position like this, I would do everything I could to help them.

‘Thank you so much…’ I looked at her name badge. ‘Lou. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this.’

‘You’re grand, hun. You were looking a little flustered there.’ Her gentle, quiet Irish lilt was so calming and I found myself blurting out that I was meeting an ex and was incredibly nervous. I’d been holding it in for so long. I couldn’t tell Beth; she’d kill me. And so would Mum. And to be honest, who knew if anything was going to come of it anyway, so I just felt it was better not to say anything to anyone. Thank goodness Lou let me pour my heart out. ‘Oh god, he’s here!’

‘Hey, I’m just a yell away if you need to escape and I’m very good at accidental-on-purpose spillages, you know!’ She winked as she walked away and Jamie approached the table. I stood to greet him and once more he went for the continental kiss on both cheeks, but I was ready for him this time.

His eyes looked me up and down to make sure I met with his approval and it was as if the years in between had never passed as I remembered that he used to do this all the time.

‘Looking good, babe. Are you having your usual? Glass of bubbly for the lady, please?’ He clicked his fingers at Lou and she raised her eyebrows and looked at me as if to say,Really?

I was also actually a bit annoyed with him for getting straight back into this familiarity, but I breathed deeply and replied, ‘Oh no! That’s not been my usual for a long time. I’ll have a gin and tonic please. Double!’

His eyebrows were the ones that raised this time as Lou came over to take our order. He looked her up and down, appraising her body. I’d forgotten that he did that too. It made me feel really belittled that he didn’t respect me enough to even pretend he wasn’t looking at other women. Perhaps he’d been up to no good behind my back all along and I just hadn’t seen it.

For the first fifteen minutes, he talked about his day, his week, his job, his home and generally his life. Then he mentioned a client that I used to work with who had apparently been asking about me and saying how much they had loved working with me.

The evening went well in the end; the setting was sophisticated and the meal was divine, although a little rich compared to what I was eating these days. I’d have preferred Uncle Tom’s good old pie, homemade chips and gravy to be truthful, and even though the conversation was a bit stilted at first, eventually it became really natural and it felt right to be back in his company once more. He’d been telling me how he’d set up a rival company to Celine’s and that they had a healthy competition going on.

He must have realised that I was quiet while he dominated the conversation, so he asked me what I’d been up to since I’d been made redundant. He’d heard the news from Celine. We caught up on family news and it all started to feel very natural and comfortable, although that could have been the two double gins I’d had working their magic. I made a mental note to make sure I didn’t drink any more! I did notice that Jamie turned his nose up when I told him that I was working at Growlers, helping on the farm and with some of the community.

‘I think if I was you, Maddy, I’d be getting straight back into the PR scene before people turn you away because you’ve been out of it too long. It’s all very well and good wanting to help the “locals” but is that going to keep you in the manner you’ve been living?’ I wondered whether he had a point, even though I was living a much more minimalist life these days and enjoying it.

Looking at my watch, I realised that it was now nearly eleven o’clock and I had to be up and at work at seven thirty the next morning, so I excused myself, thanked him for a lovely evening, kissed him on the cheek and left. As I walked away, I could still smell the same aftershave that he always wore. Whenever I’d smelled that aftershave over the years, it had always made me think of Jamie. The taxi ride home only took fifteen minutes and I think I must have been in a bit of a daydream because I don’t remember an awful lot of the journey. As the taxi pulled up in the farmyard, I looked up at the Grange and noticed a shadow in one of the upstairs spare bedrooms just before the curtains closed. Alex.

I wondered whether he was purposely looking out for me or whether he just happened to be looking out and closing the curtains at that time. Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, thinking how nice it would have been to have someone looking out for me after being on my own for such a long time. It wouldn’t be long now before he went back to his beautiful girlfriend and his wonderful life in the US, and that thought made me sad.

* * *

The following morning, I couldn’t concentrate on a thing at work. At one point, Uncle Tom really shouted at me to get my attention as I’d been in a deep daydream imagining being back together with Jamie, lying on a beach in the Caribbean, holding hands.

Uncle Tom and I were trying to move all the kennel space around because we’d had another enquiry from someone who had to go into hospital as an emergency, but much as we tried to accommodate everyone, when we worked out all the comings and goings, it couldn’t be done. We already had ten dogs and we only had ten kennels. We couldn’t double up; it wouldn’t be fair on anyone. Then an idea came to me.

‘Uncle Tom, how about if Baxter came to stay with me now in the barn while we’re waiting for Alice to make her decision? He could come over here with me in the daytime and I could take him home in the evenings. He’s hardly in his kennel in the daytime anyway when I’m in the office as he just comes to sit under my feet, and he always wants to come out to the field when I take the dogs out too. And that way, it would cut down on costs for Alice but you wouldn’t be losing out because you have the new dog.’

‘What a brilliant idea, Maddy. Why didn’t I think of that? It’s perfect and he’d be lovely company for you over there. I know you’re OK but I’d love you to have someone to chat to, even if he is a big furry daftie. And it’ll give you a proper test run as a dog owner too. It’s a huge commitment and I know that you’re keen, but in reality it might not be all it’s cracked up to be for you.’

But it felt like a really good decision. I immediately messaged Alice just to double check that it was OK with her. She came straight back to say that she couldn’t be happier and that although she knew Baxter was well looked after in the kennels, she also knew that he’d be much happier in a proper home with me. I was also really excited. I’d always wanted a dog but it was a huge commitment to take on and Jamie had never allowed it, in our pristine apartment with its clinical white furniture. I had thought about it after Jamie moved out, but decided against it. Not quite so daunting I suppose, if you were a family and there were more of you to take on the walking and feeding and looking after, and to juggle everything, but when there was just you, it was literally just all down to you. This way, perhaps it would give me a taste of how having a dog would fit into my life.

Baxter seemed very happy when I brought his bed over to the barn after work and had a good old sniff around before weeing up one of the kitchen cupboards. I’d half expected it as Uncle Tom said that male dogs did this sometimes, so I disinfected and hoped it would be the only time he did it.

My phone pinged and my heart did a little flip when I saw that there was a text from the man himself.

Babe, really enjoyed last night. What are you doing next Tuesday night? Remember I told you that Geoff from Faith and Co had been asking about you? Well you’ll never believe it, but I bumped into him this morning in town and I said that we were back in touch and he asked whether we’d both like to go out for a meal with him. I’d love you to come, Maddy. What do you think?x

Playing it cool, I left it for over an hour and thirty minutes to respond, not wanting to play into his hands and reply straight away. A whole hour and thirty minutes.

I’ll have to check my diary later, but if I’m free, that would be nice. Let me know where and when and I’ll let you know as soon as I’m able to get to my diary.

Obviously, I knew I was free. I was always free these days. And if not, I was at Mum’s or sat propped up in bed next to Beth watching TV or out and about being a do-gooder in the local community. How had my life changed so much in the space of just a few weeks? Life up until recently was full of trendy bar and restaurant launches, theatre performances to review, goody bags galore full of the latest anti-ageing beauty and make-up products, which promised to knock years off you but never actually worked, and fragrances to make you irresistible to the opposite sex. My bathroom cabinet was stocked to the brim with so much stuff that I’d never use.

It was hard to see at the time that these were all work events and that if it wasn’t for work I wouldn’t have had a social life at all, or any friends. I thought the people I worked with were friends, but when it came down to it, they were just colleagues who didn’t care about me at all once I’d gone. Not like Beth; she was a true friend.

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