Page 16 of Amazing Grace

Grace put most of her impatience and inability to relax down to having a busy life as a mother. There wassomuch to do. When Archie was little and fell asleep, she never knew whether to wash up, put a load of washing in, clean the house, make a coffee, have a bath, wash her hair, catch up on the TV programmes she’d recorded or read. She just always seemed to have so much to do and would put herself under pressure to get it all done without any help. She didn’t understand how some people just seemed to be able to just ‘be’.

Consumed by her own thoughts, Grace was brought out of her trance abruptly as Barbara yelled her name.

‘Grace! And we’d like to give a huge warm welcome this evening to a new member – Grace! Let’s all give her a round of applause for finally realising that she’s a fattie and joining our group to lose weight.’ Grace went as red as a beetroot and wanted to crawl up her own armpit.

Everyone who had lost weight was rewarded with a sticker, like Archie used to get at nursery, a round of applause and Barbara’s favourite phrase: ‘Well done, dearie, you are cooking on gas!’ If Grace had heard it once in that first session, she’d heard it a hundred times. In fact, at one point she was so bored that she started a mental tally sheet for each time it was said. So far she’d counted twenty-seven times. Grace was sure that if she ever heard that phrase again, she’d shove Barbara’s face in a cooker and show her what cooking on gas really meant.

She quickly realised that this group wasn’t for her. The last thing she wanted to do with her precious free time was to pay to come out and be publicly humiliated. She really did want to do something about her weight but she hadn’t the time to waste; when she’d arrived she’d waited in a queue for over half an hour to be weighed while the two ladies who were on the weigh-in desk finished their little chat, because clearly they couldn’t weigh people at the same time as talking. Grace was tapping her feet in frustration and getting more annoyed by the minute. And then the next hour was spent listening to everyone else’s stories, which without wishing to be rude, she wasn’t really interested in. This group just wasn’t the right way for her to lose weight.

A light bulb went on in her head. If the group that she wanted to go to didn’t exist, why didn’t she just create it? Then it went off again as she heard Mark’s voice saying,Don’t be ridiculous. Why would people want to come along to something you’ve created?

As she drove home, she pondered the idea and it wouldn’t go out of her head. A busy person’s slimming club! When she arrived home, she got a fresh new notepad out of her stationery stash and started to make a list of all the things she would and wouldn’t do, and it sounded better by the minute. If she hated that group she’d attended, there must be loads of others who did too. She knew people who didn’t go to slimming groups because they didn’t want all that unnecessary malarkey that went with it. If it was her club, she’d stick to the basics and get to the point of being there quickly.

She’d made up her mind. She wasn’t with Mark any more and he couldn’t tell her what she could and couldn’t do and what she was and wasn’t capable of. She was capable of anything she wanted to do. Her mum had instilled in her as a child that she should dream, make a plan and make those dreams come true. She didn’t know where down the line she’d stopped believing in herself. But she felt now that it was time for her to dream again.

She’d put the word out there about her idea and test the waters, and if she got a positive response, she’d get the club started. She would need a venue, though. She racked her brains trying to think of somewhere.

Since Grace had split up from Mark and had her coaching from Monica, she’d become a real ‘doer’. She decided on a course of action and did it. When she was with Mark, she was a grey, dithering person, never making a choice because either she didn’t want to risk upsetting him or because he’d laugh at it, belittling her. Now she didn’t have him questioning her every move, she’d changed into a black-and-white decision-maker. You either did something or you didn’t. Why spend hours pondering? She just didn’t get it! She couldn’t understand people who weren’t doers and, in truth, they really got on her nerves. But she knew that she needed to make more effort in getting to understand that people were different from her, and it was something that she was trying to do.

Someone once told her a great way to make a decision – to count down from five and then, if it felt right, go with your first instinct. It was now the way that Grace made all her decisions, from deciding what to cook for dinner to the new shade of paint to use in the hallway.

She thought back to her old college friend Saffy, and asked herself what Saffy would say about the idea of setting up a slimming club for time-poor people. Making decisions often brought Saffy to mind as they always used to talk things through, from boyfriends to which new top to buy for their Saturday night out. She knew that Saffy would tell her to go for it. So she would. Decision made. And damn, it felt good to finally be in control of her own decisions and not have someone tell her that she was ridiculous, or not capable.

Grace felt that she’d come a long way even in the last couple of months and that her life was truly changing for the better. She was challenging herself way out of her comfort zone; she couldn’t believe that she’d even considered internet dating, let alone gone along and actually met people. And she felt that her life was getting way more interesting than it had been for a long time. She’d noticed that she was excited to get up in the mornings, actively looking forward to the days and weeks ahead, instead of just whiling away the time while Archie was at his dad’s.

* * *

Finally, darling, I am seeing a change in you. You are back to the Grace that you used to be years ago before Mark dulled your sparkle and suppressed your personality. You now have an idea – run with it. Before, you’d have mentioned it to him and then he’d have told you why it was such a rubbish idea and you’d have gone back into your little cocoon. Now you are finally getting back to the person you used to be: the person that never saw an obstacle as an obstruction, just something you have to work out how to get over, round or through. I love that you are finally getting that sparkle back! My little caterpillar is becoming a bright, brave, beautiful butterfly. I couldn’t be prouder of you, my darling. I love you, Mumxxx

9

‘Just one more, Grace, and then I promise I’ll never, ever, ever arrange a date for you again. But this one I’m sure is the one for you. He’s gorgeous, he’s single, he’s got no children and he’s asked to take you out. I have a photo of him – look! He looks really nice and normal and quite hot, too. You have to go. Just think if you said no and he’s “the one”! You could be missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime.’

‘Oh Monica, do I have to? It’s so bloody demoralising going out on dates with crappy men. I’d rather stay in and read a good book.’

‘Yes, darling, I know you would, but I just want to see you with someone who is going to turn your world upside down and inside out. Someone who loves you as much as I do. God, if I was that way inclined you’d be my ideal partner. But as you know, I like cock, so there’s no chance of that!’

‘Monica!’ Grace admonished, but she couldn’t help but smile at her friend’s way with words.

‘Just one more, Gracie? Go on. For me, pretty please.’

‘Onemore! Just one. Then that’s it. But here’s the deal: after this date, you promise to delete my profile from the site if that’s what I ask you to do. Deal or no deal?’

Monica winked at her. ‘Deal, Noel Edmonds! And keep your tits inside your dress this time, you floozy!’

* * *

Grace arrived at New Street Station in Birmingham, a bit of a jaunt for a date with it taking around forty-five minutes on the train, but Monica insisted that she needed to be looking further afield. She saw a man standing there in a black leather jacket and jeans. She had a feeling that this was him. He turned round and it was.

Mmm, not bad, she thought. For once, someone who looked like their photograph. That made a nice change.

‘Grace?’ he asked tentatively as he wandered over.

‘That’s me,’ she replied nervously.

‘And even prettier in real life than in your picture. I’m Tommy, it’s lovely to meet you.’ He reached across and kissed her on both cheeks. ‘There’s a lovely Caribbean restaurant just down the road, I thought we could go there. Is that OK with you?’

‘That sounds lovely.’Quite decisive then,she thought.That makes a change from spending wasted time saying ‘I don’t mind’ and never actually going anywhere.

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