Page 13 of Amazing Grace

Yeah right, thought Grace as she took in the huge bald spot and tufty grey hair, the bit of hair that he did have left.

‘So I’m thirty-five…’

Grace tried not to raise an eyebrow at this – if he was thirty-five she was Kylie Minogue!

‘…and I have my own business. I’m very successful. Well, it’s my dad’s business but he’s practically handed it over to me now. I have one of those Mitsubishi trucks that cost loads of money, but I can fit all my work stuff in. I live with my mum and dad. I play rugby every Saturday and when I’m not playing it, I’m watching it. I’m a bit of a lad, if you know what I mean.’ He winked as he said that last bit. Grace groaned to herself. ‘I earn shit loads of money and am a pretty good catch, even if I say so myself,’ he finished. ‘What else would you like to know about me?’

She resisted the urge to say ‘nothing at all’ but again her tendency to be polite took over. ‘How long have you been on the dating site, Derek?’ she asked.

‘Just over three years,’ he replied. ‘So not long really. I’ve been on eighty-seven dates so far but have still not yet found the girl of my dreams. There’s been something wrong with every single one of them.’

What a surprise, thought Grace.

‘Most of them have got kids, too! What’s that all about? Little horrors just take up all your money and suck the life out of you. Why would you want kids in this day and age? I can spend my own money, thanks very much, don’t need anyone else doing that for me.’

Oh God! She wondered how long she had to stay before she made her excuses and left. She knew it was a mistake coming tonight. She’d had a bad feeling. And she really was going to kill Monica, probably with her bare hands.

At this point, his phone started to ring and he answered it in a loud, booming voice that the whole pub could hear. ‘Diggers! How you doing, buddy? Great to hear from you.’ He wandered outside to take the call, totally oblivious to Grace, who shrank back even further into her seat.

Her own phone rang. It was Hannah. ‘Hey, my beautiful little sister. How’s things with you?’

Grace was so happy to hear her sister’s friendly voice. ‘H, you must be psychic! If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.’

‘Try me!’

‘I’m on a date that bloody Monica arranged. He’s a nightmare! So far, he turned up late and hasn’t apologised, disappeared to the loo for a poo and didn’t come back for ages, then got himself a drink and has talked about himself for the last twenty minutes. I’m delighted that one of his mates just rang and he’s gone outside to talk to him.’

‘Get out of there right now,’ Hannah said assertively.

‘I can’t just walk out, that’s rude,’ Grace replied.

‘No, love, what’s rude is what he’s done to you since you met him. What a knobhead. You need to just leave and go home. Go on, do it. He won’t even notice if he’s on the phone. Pick up your things, walk out of the door and get in your car. Drive home and call me back. For once in your life, stop being nice to people who are not being nice to you!’ She hung up.

Grace’s heart began to beat really fast as she actually considered doing what her sister said. In her head she heard a voice say,Go on, Grace, just walk out the back door to the car. He’s not for you! Just go!

Grace got up from the table. Her hands were shaking, but she picked up her handbag, glancing at Derek who was pacing around outside the pub with one hand down his trousers, totally oblivious to anything but whoever he was chatting to on the phone. He wasn’t even looking at her. She walked towards the back door, on the way out to the car park, then doubled back and went to the bar and asked the barman if she could borrow a piece of paper and a pen. He handed them to her with a grin on his face as if he’d been watching the whole debacle.

She went back to the table and scribbled a note, putting it next to Derek’s glass. As she walked past the barman, he high-fived her and told her he’d never treat a woman as beautiful as her that way. She blushed but smiled as she left by the back door, practically running to her car. She started the engine as fast as she could and raced out of the car park like Lewis Hamilton on Red Bull. She smiled to herself, imagining his face as he read the note she’d left for him.

Derek, here’s a tip from me. On your next first date, treat your lady like a princess. Turn up on time, be nice to her, buy her a drink, ask her about herself and don’t talk about poo. Maybe, just maybe, if you follow this advice, one of these dates might just work out for you. Good luck with that! Grace

Grace drove home realising that everything that had happened that night was the reason she had never wanted to do internet dating in the first place. It had been a disaster. She fired off a quick text to Monica telling her that she was in deep trouble due to a disastrous night out.If this is the calibre of men available, Grace thought to herself,I’d be happy to stay in every night!

7

Grace was so excited about being in their new home, even though the whole renovation process was excruciatingly slow when you were on your own and trying to budget. But the three months since moving day had flown by. She’d spent lots of time on Pinterest, putting together mood boards for each of the rooms in the new house, and loved the idea of stamping her own taste on her dream home. At the back of her mind though, she worried a bit about Archie and how he was adapting to yet another new home. He seemed OK, but he had gone a bit quiet lately, although they’d also had a talk about puberty at school recently. She’d been lucky that because she’d had Archie through C-section, she’d always been able to cheat when telling him where babies come from, because he came out of her stomach. But now he’d realised that winkies and fufus had a whole different type of relationship, and he seemed a little traumatised by some of the things he’d learned.

He was closer to his father right now than he’d ever been before, perhaps because there were lots of things about boys and men that Mark was able to talk to him about. While she felt a little jealous of his developing relationship with his father, she knew it was important for him to have a good male role model in his life, and Mark obviously knew way more about how the male body worked than she did. A book about growing up had been recommended to her, so she’d left it lying around so that Archie could look at it without embarrassment. Archie did pick it up from time to time and she’d found him tittering away at some of it. She wondered how different things would be if they were all still together and whether they’d done the right thing by going their separate ways.

Why, oh why, do these sweet children have to grow up?she wondered. She wished she could wrap up Archie in cotton wool and protect him from everything, but she knew she couldn’t. She was finding it very difficult to give him more independence. The last time she had been round to measure up at the house before they moved in, Gladys had said something that really stuck with her. She said that it was the job of a parent to prepare their child for their next level of life and to raise a child who is comfortable and independent enough to leave them. Grace had never quite thought of it like that before. She hated the thought of Archie getting a partner and eventually leaving home but knew that it was not his responsibility to make his mum happy. He’d been through such a lot of changes since the split and moving to yet another house. She knew though that their new home would be a place where he would feel safe and secure. As they faced the next stage of their lives, Archie would grow up to be more independent and eventually would leave home and go off on his own adventure. She shook off that thought before she got even more morose.

* * *

‘Have you forgiven me yet, gorgeous?’ asked Monica when she rang Grace the next morning.

‘Nope! And I’m not sure I ever will!’ Grace sulked back at her.

‘Oh, babes, you have to try these things, you know. I’m sorry it was such a disaster but at least you’ve done it now and popped your internet-dating cherry, so to speak. Anyway, what are you doing today?’

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