Page 10 of Amazing Grace

‘OMG! I nearly forgot to tell you. You willneverbelieve what happened to me this afternoon,’ Grace said, relaying the story of ‘Fit Bloke’ turning up. Her eyes shone and she lit up with excitement as she described Vinnie.

‘OK, madam!’ Monica announced. ‘You very clearly need a man in your life, so the next thing I am going to do is find you one.’

‘No thanks, Mon,’ Grace replied determinedly. ‘I’m happy enough on my own – well, with Archie and Becks, anyway.’

‘Darling, Archie is a child and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but one day he is going to grow up, become independent and leave you. And as for Becks… Well, I hate to burst your bubble but Becks is adogif you hadn’t realised, not a man! And you’re hardly going to meet someone when you don’t go anywhere. You walk to school, go to work and sometimes venture to your local supermarket. It’s not enough though, Grace,’ Monica said kindly. ‘I know that people invite you places, so please don’t tell me they don’t. Why don’t you go?’

‘I just feel that everyone must be thinking there’s something wrong with me because I can’t find a bloke. I hate going out when people are in couples. I know it’s really kind of them to invite me, and they don’t understand, but I just feel like a leper being on my own. Do you know, recently I met up with some of the mums from school for coffee and one of them said that her brother had arranged to have a table at a charity event at a local rugby club and she wondered if any couples would like to go. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I was mortified. Then when I got home, I realised how bloody rude it was of her to do that! And then I became angry because she obviously felt that it was OK to leave out people who were single and only invite people if they were in a couple. Yet, I ended up being the one who felt awkward. How could I allow someone to make me feel like that?’

‘God knows what that was all about. I wish I’d have been there. I’d have bloody said something. I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. But darling, that was howyouchose to feel. Everyone has a choice in how they feel. And you can’t change someone else’s behaviour. All you can do is change your reaction towards their behaviour. If you felt that she was being rude, perhaps you should have said something at the time rather than come home and let it fester so you ended up feeling doubly bad.’

Grace knew that for all Monica’s interference and exaggeration, she was incredibly astute when it came to feelings and that she only had her friend’s best interests at heart, always trying to give her confidence from a place of love.

‘Anyway, I knew you’d say no, so I’ve already signed you up with a profile on a dating site.’

Grace nearly spat out her Pinot. ‘You’ve donewhat?’

‘Well, you wouldn’t have done it yourself so I’ve done it for you. It’s a site where you can write a statement on behalf of your friend. Do you want to know what your profile says?’ she asked, getting her iPad out of her handbag.

Grace put her head in her hands, her heart sinking, and sighed loudly. ‘Oh, Mon, what have you done?’

‘I’m putting you out there, gorgeous. You are much too fabulous to be alone and I’ve been lovely about you. I’m your friend and I know how amazing you are, so of course it’s just fantastic. Just listen to what I put before you say it’s not for you. Please, Grace.’

Monica took Grace’s stunned silence as approval and read out the profile that she’d very carefully pondered over for hours before finally hitting the submit button.

‘“Vivacious and curvy with a fabulous personality, Grace is my amazing friend who is beautiful inside and out and deserves someone in her life who will love her deeply and treat her like a princess. She’s kind, she’s generous, she’s totally awesome and would do anything to help anyone ahead of helping herself. She’s a mum to a ten-year-old, and it’s now time that she started to put herself first and have someone wine and dine her and love and respect her for the incredible person that she is.”

‘See, that’s not too bad, is it?’ she asked.

‘S’pose not!’ Grace answered like a truculent teenager. ‘But I am so going to get you back for this one day!’

‘Oh darling, that’s fine by me. I mean every word I say about you. I hate to think of you being alone when Archie is at his dad’s. I know how much you hate it and you can’t just keep going to bed at eight o’clock at night so that the time goes quicker. And don’t even try to deny that!’ She held her finger up to stop Grace as she went to open her mouth to speak.

‘Anyway, I did this last weekend and I wanted to leave it till today so I could get a fab picture of you all dolled up to put on the site. I used that picture of you that we took today, after your make-over with Bernice and Carlos! Let’s have a look at some of the men on there and see if there’s anyone you like the look of.’

‘Oh God! Must we?’

‘Yes, we must, gorgeous!’

‘Well, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to take a look, would it?’ Grace said tentatively, peering over Monica’s shoulder at the list of available men.

‘Oooh, he looks nice!’ Monica picked out Dave from Essex.

‘He looks like he’s just come out of prison,’ muttered Grace. ‘Or is still in there.’ The corners of her mouth actually twitched upwards in what was very nearly a smile.

‘OK, what about Roger from Nuneaton? Do you fancy rogering Roger?’

They both tittered with laughter and Grace thought that if nothing else came from this experience, at least they’d have had a bloody good laugh.

‘They’re all old, Monica!’ Grace exclaimed.

‘I hate to tell you, babe, but you’re no spring chicken yourself these days! We could always extend the age range to incorporate toy boys for you?’

‘No! Absolutely not! Ooh… what about him? He looks nice. What does his profile say?’ She pointed out the most normal-looking of the men on the page. He looked nice and friendly. The only downside was that his name was Derek.

‘It says, “Derek is a self-confessed great bloke. He hates nightclubs and noisy pubs and would much prefer to go out for delicious meals and a good bottle of red. A plumber who is very handy around the house, and very well house-trained, he loves taking on refurbishing projects and going on long walks in the countryside.”

‘He sounds worth a try, Gracie. You might get your dream bathroom quicker than you thought! And think about the house. You could make a list of jobs you need doing and ask him on your first date if he’s capable of doing them. Interview him to see if he’s up to the job.’

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