Page 94 of Trigger

Tye chuckled. “How does it feel? The same as with a girl, Isuppose. Well... no.” He gazed into the distance thoughtfully. “No one asked methat before. It’s quite different, obviously, but it depends more on how youfeel about the person than what sex that person is. At least to me. Everyone isdifferent.”

“And do you like women or men more?”

He lowered his gaze and blew on his coffee.

“Men, probably.”

There was something about his answer that told me he was hidingsomething.

“Why?”

He grinned. “Not to sound crude, but probably because I like adick more.”

“Oh, for the love of God!” I exclaimed, standing up and heading tothe kitchen. “Do you have to be so—?”

“Well, you asked.”

“And now I regret it.”

I poured myself a glass of water when he spoke.

“What about you, Saint Carter? Have you ever questioned yoursexuality?”

That was easy.

“No.”

“Have you ever been attracted to a man?”

It took me a second longer to reply.

“No,” I said, returning to the armchair. “Of course not.”

He smiled. “Well, then you have it all figured out. Unlike therest of us.”

The rest of us.

I made a face, fighting off memories, but they were here to stay.

“Raj was gay, you know?” I said, staring into the distance.

He didn’t look surprised. “I figured.”

“I knew him for three years. We have been through thick and thin,inseparable like brothers. I trusted him. I loved him. And then, on the nighthe died, he started talking. He told me he was gay and that he was in love withme. I didn’t give a fuck if he was gay or not, but I was furious with him forhiding his true feelings from me. I felt betrayed, as if he only pretended tobe my friend. His confession made me angry, but worse than that, it made melate. Two minutes too late. It was how long it took for me to compose myselfafter he’d left the car to investigate the movement across the street. Twominutes that I will regret for the rest of my life, because after I finallycaught up with him, he was already dead.”

“His death is not on you, Carter,” Tye said with a sigh. “It’s onthe asshole who pushed him off the building. I’m sure you know that becauseyou’re too smart not to know it. Regarding that other thing…” He paused,staring at the floor. “It’s very difficult to confess your feelings to someonewho might not return them. More so if your sexual orientation is different, andespecially if it’s someone you care about deeply. Someone you truly value.Someone… unlike anyone else.”

I frowned, feeling a strange pang in my heart, because I couldn’timagine anyone deserving him.

“Have you ever felt something like that?” I asked him.

He was silent for a few moments before looking at me.

“No. I have not.”

Thorsen

No, I have not.

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