Page 113 of Defend Me

I stuck out my lip in a pout that made his whole face soften. Did dominant men truly hold the power? Yes and no. The answer was nuanced. I was interested in learning how much I could get him wrapped around my finger.

“Hurry up,” he said, heading for the bathroom. “This shower is divine.”

For a second, all I could do was stare at him. He turned around at the door and dropped his briefs, leaving him completely naked. His brow raised as he took a step backward, then another.

I was out of the bed so quickly that I was surprised I didn’t face plant. He disappeared into the bathroom and I heard him laugh.

When I caught up to him, still at risk of cardiac arrest, he was already in the shower. It was ridiculously nice, set back behind a glass wall with black tiles. I stepped inside and was just as amazed as the first time I saw the rainfall showerhead.

“You live an insane life.”

He grabbed my hand and tugged me under the water. I tipped my head back with a smile, amazed at how good it felt. I ran my fingers through my hair, then looked at Brooks. He was staring, looking very serious.

“What?” I asked.

His fingers traced my cheekbone. “Can I keep you?”

My heart fluttered. “If you want.”

“How could I not?”

“I’m just me.”

“Exactly. The fact that you don’t know you’re so special is part of what makes you who you are. You don’t lack self-confidence. You just overthink everything, which is why I freaked out when you started pursuing me as more than just a friend. Thinking about how much you must’ve agonized over it, then you still chose to do it…”

“Please tell me.”

He took a deep breath. “I don’t feel like I’m worth that.”

Anger flared in my chest with the resurfacing of that ridiculous sentiment. I gripped his hands tighter. “There’s no way that you think that. You’re per-” I cut myself off, remembering the way he’d reacted to that word before. “You’re incredible. Not for your academics, the things you have, or what you might become someday. Just because you’re you. It’s all the parts that you have to read between the lines to find.”

His jaw was tight as he listened to me. “That’s… kind.”

“It’s not kind. It’s the truth.”

“Tilian… You don’t know me yet. Not really.”

“Then, tell me.”

“I’m afraid for you to know me.”

I tried not to let him see how deeply that struck me. “We can’t change that we’re afraid of something, but some things are worth taking risks for. You decided that you want to do this, so part of you must want to show me who you are.”

“You see all these good things, but my soul is ugly and wretched and there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’ve done things that disgust me. There’s no taking any of them back. Even if I could, I wouldn’t because I need them in order to survive this fucking life.”

“Yours or theirs?”

“What?”

I leaned forward and held either side of his neck. “Yours or theirs? If you don’t want to be something, you don’t have to. Nothing is chaining you in place, Brooks.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Sure, it is. Tell the world to fuck off. Raise your middle fingers and live unapologetically in whatever way makes you happy.”

I traced the rose tattoo on his hip. Stepping back, I looked at his legs. He had more ink there, simple things. There was the outline of a skull on his thigh and on the other one, what looked like a crescent moon but unfinished. I walked around him and found an anchor on the side of his thigh, along with a butterfly.

When I came back to his front, I noticed a duck holding a knife on his foot. My brow furrowed as I took them in. It wasn’t that they weren’t done well; they were. They didn’t look like they were the result of a tattoo machine, though.

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