Page 106 of Defend Me

“Don’t use my own words against me.”

“You know, contrary to what you and Dean seem to think, I’m capable of making rational decisions, no matter how dreamy you are.”

“Is that so?”

Grabbing onto his hips, I guided him toward the bed. I sat down and he straddled me. It should’ve been a crime how he made my heart race so easily.

“Unless you say otherwise, my heart is chained in the basement,” he said. “No expectations.” His lips pressed to mine and he rolled his hips, making my breath catch. “No obligations.” My mouth opened immediately when his tongue pushed forward. “No feelings.”

“All of those are beyond violated. Your heart doesn’t belong in a basement.”

Holding onto him, I scooted backward so I could lean against the wall. He unwound the tie from my hair and tucked his nose into it, inhaling.

“You know that you’re a whole problem, right?”

He laughed as he kissed my neck. “I’m self-aware, yeah.”

“Since I met you, I’ve been realizing just how weak I am. I can’t say no to you, so I’m going to kiss you. A lot. But no matter how much either of us want it, we’re not doing more.”

“But you can’t say no to me.”

“I need to choose my words more carefully around you.”

“Why can’t we do more?”

Taking his chin, I lifted his head so I could look at him. “You’re a little drunk and I don’t want to rush. I want to take my time with you.” I licked up the column of his throat, then pressed my lips to his Adam’s apple. “Learn your taste and the beautiful sounds you make.”

“You’re too good with your words for someone who’s basically a child.”

I scoffed. “You’re only three years older than me.”

“And my age no longer ends in ‘teen,’ so respect your elders and use your mouth for more than words.”

“Alright, you fucking brat. Let’s see how mouthy you are after my tongue has touched every inch of your body except where you really need it. When we leave, you’ll be dying to cum and you’ll have to do it with only the memory of me.”

“Or I’ll make myself wait until you’re ready to finish the job.”

Jesus. He might be the death of me. Reincarnation had better be limitless because I wanted him to kill me over and over again.

Chapter 31

“I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. I lift my eyes and all is born again.”

Brooks

Left alone once again

When consciousness crept back in, I was vaguely aware of the sun trying to pierce my eyelids. My head hurt a little, but I hadn’t gone all that hard on the alcohol, so it wasn’t terrible. Things were a little hazy, though. It was very possible that I was still high. Did ‘wake and bake’ count if I never unbaked?

That thought beget another. I didn’t go home last night. Neither did Tilian.

I opened my eyes and looked to both sides. The only person in this bed was me. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but after we made out for a while, we were both too damn turned on, so we decided to keep talking. There were feelings and unfun emotions, but it needed to happen. I remembered him being curled up against me.

I’d never really been rejected, but the reason was that I didn’t put myself out there in any meaningful way. I didn’t actually give people my heart. If I cared about them or even loved them, I still maintained my ability to walk away by keeping emotional distance.

I’d lost that here, which was sort of the whole point. Waking up alone, though, made my chest constrict and it was such a new sort of emptiness that none of my other defenses could touch it.

Grabbing my shoes, I carefully ventured into the hallway. Running into anyone would be awkward. Since I was coming out of this room, they’d probably assume me and Dean fucked. That might actually be funny, but I’d been petty enough last night.

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