Page 74 of Scar

To this day, he still had no idea what made him go with José that day in Texas. A motorcycle club? What did he know about motorcycles? All he knew as he dropped José off at that sleazy motel was that he was not prepared to lose another brother. Hislastbrother. If José was about to go off to do something dangerous, like join a motorcycle gang, he would be right there to protect him.

In his wildest imaginings, he never could have predicted that he would find a home,family. He never could have dreamed he’d find purpose again.

He didn’t have to be just a killer, a mindless weapon.

He could become more, a protector.

But none of it mattered. It would never cleanse him of his sins. Never wash him free of the blood.

He would never be worthy ofher.

CHAPTER18

[WiseWave620: You asshole!]

* * *

For the second time in as many months, Scar woke up back in Primis Headquarters. This time, though, they did not take any chances of him escaping. He did not wake in the medical wing but strapped to a stainless steel table. Bolted down by thick metal shackles, Scar learned quickly that even something as minute as a finger twitch sent a powerful electrical shock through his entire system.

Worry over Tally and what had happened to her was at the forefront of his mind. Even when her father came in to taunt and rage at Scar for humiliating him during Scar’s last visit.

When Alpha’s interrogators came in, Scar closed his eyes and bore it mutely. In his head, he wasn’t held captive in a white, stale room filled with sadistic men who took pleasure in inflicting pain on others. No, he was on Tally’s couch, listening to her talk about anything and everything. Letting her voice fill his head and soothe his aches.

Scar didn’t know how or when Alpha had gotten recordings of Scar’s old team. Them training, hanging out at base, even what appeared to be a birthday party in a backyard… Somehow Alpha had edited images of Little Tyke into the videos, because Scar knew he hadn’t been present during any of them.

Hearing his brothers’ voices again was more painful than anything the interrogators physically did to him. Did Alpha truly believe starving him was the way to win back Scar’s loyalty? Did he even comprehend that he’d neverhadScar’s loyalty? That Scar had been so numb to the world that he’d have accepted any chance at revenge, regardless of the cost?

When the interrogators left him, the videos turned on. He was surrounded and drowned out by the voices of his ghosts.

The dream changed as time went on. He was still sitting on Tally’s couch, listening to the calming cadence of her voice, but they were no longer at opposite ends. Slowly, they moved together. Because in his head, she could touch him.

In his head,hecould touchher.

It started off with them sitting side by side as she talked. Eventually, they moved closer, leaning into each other. The warmth of her milk chocolate skin, even imaginary, was like a blanket of protection around his mind. The interrogators could not harm him so long as Tally was touching him.

If the clock in the room was accurate—and there was a chance it wasn’t to keep him discombobulated—by the fifth day of his captivity, Tally was laying down on the couch with her head on Scar’s thigh as he ran his fingers through her thick locks. She normally wore her hair in a braid to keep it out of the way while she worked, but now it was down. Loose. Flowing over his legs and onto the couch beside him like a shimmering black river. So soft, it coated his fingers.

Scar didn’t know what Alpha’s end game was. Each day he came in, threatening Scar’s family in Pennsylvania, even his sister in Texas.

Yet the man continuously left off one person on his list of people.

Alpha never mentioned Tally to Scar. Never spoke of her or seethed about Scar’s presence in her life. Scar did not know how Alpha had learned he was in Atlanta, but it never crossed his mind that Tally had been the one to tell him.

What did Tally think had happened to him? What had Alpha told her?

The fantasies in his head took a dark turn when he tried to picture himself explaining his presence in her life, stumbling over his words as he fought to voice his thoughts for the first time in nearly a decade.

As crystal clear as Scar could hear Tally’s voice, as if she was standing right next to him, Scar couldn’t even remember what his own sounded like. He had to stop considering the possibility, knowing rejection would follow. It was safer to remain on the couch, letting her talk to him.

Throughout it all, the torture, the videos, the fantasies, Scar would not let himself think beyond the couch and running his fingers through her hair. If he thought of anything…more, anything remotely intimate, it would mean too much.

She deserved more than him. Better. She deserved a man who waswhole.

Pieces of Scar would remain forever lost. He could not offer himself to her because he wasn’t broken. He was ruined.

Perhaps it was better this way. To vanish from her life as he had. His family already thought him dead and Tally would eventually forget the silent man who once plagued her life for weeks on end.

She would forget, but he never would.

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