Page 157 of Filthy Liar

We hit the road, and I bounced my legs a little in anticipation as I lit a cigarette and blew the smoke out the window, trying to calm my anxiety.

“What did Ryder say to you?” Reid asked curiously after driving in silence for a minute, and I’d been waiting for it. He hadn’t been too happy to let Ryder talk to me alone outside, but he was also doing really well at letting me make my own choices.

Logically, he knew I was fine at Rory’s, so when Ryder asked for privacy, Reid bit his tongue and didn’t make a fuss.

Ryder looked good. He’d been working out again and looking after himself, a sense of clarity in his eyes that I hadn’t really seen before. He’d always been nice, but there’d been some kind of arrogance and asshole side to him that had always been front and center.

Now, he was calm, almost looking a little unsure of himself as he’d led me outside to the back patio so we could talk, where he’d apologized multiple times for being a pushy asshole to me.

He hadn’t been told about me dating the guys, so he’d been relieved to know I’d waited instead of just sleeping with a stranger, telling me how happy he was for us.

“Just an apology and how happy he is that I’m with you guys,” I replied, looking over at him. “Tempest gets out of rehab in four days, so he’s going to focus on settling in at home and spending some time alone before that happens. He’s making sure they don’t become codependent again. He did ask if I could find some time to hang out with Tempest, but I don’t think we’d hit it off.”

“You and Temp?” Logan scoffed, shaking his head a little. “Absolutely not. You’d kill her.”

“I don’t know,” Reid said slowly, looking thoughtful. “Riley said she’s changed a lot. She’s almost quiet now and has loads of anxiety. Maybe the girls would get along these days?”

“I have Beckett, I’m good,” I grumbled, leaning back in my seat. “I did say I could maybe stop by and see her if she was at Rory’s one day soon though.”

“Aw, you’re learning to play well with others,” Logan grinned, laughing when I reached back to swat at him. “You’ll have to make new friends at college or you’ll be the weird kid who sits alone at lunch.”

“Logan,” Reid warned, the thought giving me hives. I’d be completely alone, it wasn’t like I’d have Logan to hang out with between classes. He’d be too busy working to stop by too, which meant I’d have to navigate it all on my own.

“I was joking, Rae. It’s college, not high school. It’s fine to sit alone,” Logan grimaced.

“I know. It’s going to be weird without you there,” I said as I blew out a breath. “What if it’s too hard and I fall behind?”

“Then you get a permanent tutor to help you. We can afford it,” Reid promised, resting his hand on my thigh. “Rory’s right too, you need one now to prepare, or you’ll freak out that first week. Don’t feel bad when it’s hard because itwillget hard. You went to a shitty school with a terrible education system. I don’t know anyone from the Heights that went to college, so you need to push hard and prove yourself. Not just to others, but to yourself. You want to be a teacher, right? That’s not an easy thing to do for people like us. You can do it though, and we’re right here when you need us. We can help you study when we’re at home too.”

“Not me though, remember? I’m dumb as shit,” Logan chuckled, all of us going quiet as we approached our old street.

Curtains moved in houses as we drove past, people knowing the sound of Reid’s car. We hadn’t been here since that night of the fire, and a pit formed in my stomach when it came into view.

My whole childhood was in that house that was now nothing but rubble. The pain in my chest only growing when we parked in front of it and stared at it in silence. Ander parked behind us but didn’t climb out, waiting for me to make the first move.

“Grab the letters, c’mon,” Reid encouraged, giving me a small smile as he opened his door, and it took me a second to grasp the handle to open mine. Logan followed, and soon all five of us were sitting on the front lawn in a circle, smoking and staring at the remains of the place we’d always called home.

Where we’d cried, laughed, found love, and became a family.

Looking at it now, I realized how guilty I’d been feeling about leaving it behind, not wanting to go through life without my brother. So many opportunities had come our way since it had burned to the ground, and a sense of peace washed through me at realizing it was okay to let him go.

I grasped the letters in my hand and took a deep breath, knowing I couldn’t put it off forever. My future was in one of these envelopes, the type of future that Josh had always told us we would have one day.

I just thought he’d be here with us to be part of it too.

“What do you think Josh would’ve done for work?” I asked as I toyed with one of the envelopes, procrastinating. “If we had money, would he have gone to college too?”

“He would’ve joined a crew. Probably the Devils. He’d like Hunter as a boss,” Reid said without hesitation, eyeing me. “He would’ve forced you to go to college, though. You never wanted that kind of life in a gang. He just wanted you out of the Heights and thriving.”

“Kind of thought he’d be here to see it.”

“He thought he would be too,” he said with a soft smile, leaning back on one hand as he held his cigarette in the other. “Go on, let's hear what fancy college you’re going to.”

My fingers shook slightly as I opened the one for Ashburn Valley University, pulling it out and scanning it. The bigcongratulationswas like a punch to the chest, and I sucked in a sharp breath. “I got into Ashburn.” My eyes flew up to Reid’s in shock, my throat going tight. “I’m actually going to college.”

“Fuck yeah, you are,” Reid grinned, holding his hand out to take the letter. “Keep opening them.”

“Why? I got into the one I wanted that’s close,” I said with a nervous laugh, not wanting to see the rejection ones. There was no way places like Harvard, Yale, or Princeton wanted me, and I was okay with that.

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