Page 128 of Filthy Liar

“Maybe not, but I would be, which would stress her out anyway,” I said seriously.

“None of this would’ve happened without me. Reid wouldn’t have gotten hurt, Stefano wouldn’t be after any of you, and?—”

“You’re being dramatic,” I said bluntly, earning a glare. “Getting pissed off at yourself isn’t helping anything. Don’t be saying shit like that around Raven, understood? She’s already a little confused about her feelings about you and Blake, so don’t add to it by making her think you really are doubting your feelings.”

“I’m not fucking doubting them.”

“No? Then stop making it sound like you regret her,” I snapped, making him wince.

“I’m just tired and?—”

“I know, which is why you’re going to eat and sleep. Let Raven fuss over you too, it makes her feel better to know she’s helping.”

“Is she home?”

“She got home an hour ago, she’s been with Rory for most of the day,” I answered, driving into Ashburn Valley. “Focus your frustration onto those who deserve it. We’re going to find Dante, Ander. He’s not dead, Blake either.”

His jaw was clenched tight at the mention of Blake, his eyes shifting out the window. “They could’ve done anything to her by now, Lopez. You don’t get it.”

“I don’t get it?” I asked with a bitter laugh. “You mean me? Who grew up being passed around my father’s men like a nice little treat?”

I saw him flinch out of the corner of my eye, his voice dropping. “Sorry, I just?—”

“If anyone understands those things, it’s me,” I growled, my knuckles turning white on the steering wheel. “I hope like hell that they haven’t touched Blake, I really do, but don’t say I don’t get it, asshole. I probably get it more than you ever could.”

“Pull over.”

“No.”

“Pull the fuck over or I’ll make you crash my car right this second,” he barked, giving me a moment to decide. I considered ignoring him, but I pulled over and yanked the handbrake on, turning to glare at him.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, holding my gaze. “You never talk about it. I didn’t mean to trigger you.”

“Why the fuck would I talk about it? It’s the past, I can’t change it. They’re all dead and gone, dude. Am I supposed to be walking around, shaking like a leaf at every loud noise? Put a stamp on my forehead that says I’m fragile because my daddy let people molest me? It was years ago. It doesn’t visit me in my dreams or jump into my mind randomly throughout the day. I dealt with it, and then I moved on.”

“Why are you biting my head off then if it doesn’t bother you?” he deadpanned, and I forced myself to calm down.

“I’m just saying I get how serious the shit with Blake is. I want to find her in one piece too.”

Memories flickered to life in my head, and I could literally smell the scent of one Demon who really got his hooks in me. He was the worst, in my opinion. He didn’t hurt me, he mentally mind fucked me and made it feel good every damn time.

A sliver of shame hit me at knowing he was the reason I’d learned that a finger up the ass could give me intense orgasms. I tried to tell myself I did it because it proved he’d had no power over me, but the reality was it just fucking felt good.

I jerked back as someone touched me, my head smacking against the window.

“Hey,” Ander said carefully, his hand on my arm. “Where’d you go? You just zoned out hard.”

Sweat was forming across my skin as I realized I was breathing too fast, and I focused on calming myself back down.

I never had flashbacks.

When I didn’t reply, he unbuckled both our seat belts and silently got out of the car, walking around the front to open my door.

“C’mon, swap. I’m fine to drive now.”

“I—”

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