Page 17 of Until the Ink Dries

She held this far away look in her eyes like she was thinking about him working out. When I giggled, she seemingly shook the thoughts from her head.

“One amaretto sour slushy coming right up!”

She busied herself with making the drink while I took a seat on the stool. Spinning around, I caught a glimpse of Benjamin and the woman at the food truck looking extra cozy. It made me wonder if he was seeing anyone or if he was just friendly. I remembered him being the center of attention in high school. While he kept to himself, people, mainly girls, were always in his face because the man was fine.

My friend group practically wanted to run a train on him. I just had to shake my head at them. Fine or not, he was a person and there was never a need to be that damn thirsty.

“Here you go. That will be thirteen even.”

I snapped out of my gaze and turned back around. After retrieving the cash from my pocket, we exchanged goods and goodbyes before I walked over to where Benjamin was now seated. I sat in the chair across from him, remaining quiet as he took the first bite of his chili dog. He watched me intently as he chewed, waiting for me to say something.

As he swallowed, he took a sip of his lemonade.

“Are you gonna sit there quiet the whole time?” he asked.

“I mean, you haven’t exactly been welcoming.”

“You don’t like how that feels, do you?”

I raised my hands in mock surrender. “Fair enough.” I sighed. “I apologize for the way I acted at the bar. It wasn’t you as much as it was me being triggered by the hair comment.”

“Why was that a trigger? I mean, it’s the truth. In all my years of knowing you, I’ve never seen you with straight hair. I was simply making an observation.”

I twirled a finger in my hair, contemplating how much I wanted to reveal.Fuck it.

“Back home… back where I live now. I have this boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now. He comes from a prominent, wealthy family that’s all about looks and status. His mother?—”

Just thinking about that woman left a nasty taste in my mouth.

“She always made me feel like I didn’t belong in their world. She criticized the way I spoke, the way I dressed… my career choice. It was hard for me to accept that, you know? Coming from a place of being well-liked my entire life just from being myself to being in a space where I’m judged for that very reason, had me questioning myself.”

“You know you can say fuck you to people who don’t like you for being you, right? I never pegged you for someone who cares what others think.”

“I don’t,” I defended. “I just… I loved her son. I wanted her to like me. Anyway, over time, I realized he was the same way, just subtle about it. By that time, I’d completely changed who I was to fit into his life, and it made me miserable.” I hung my head in embarrassment. “The last straw was him asking me to marry him two weeks before I came here. I just couldn’t do it. Not the way things were.”

“Hmm. So if shit changed, you would consider it.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know what I want right now.”

“Why do you need to have it all figured out right now? What’s the rush?”

I was quiet for a moment as I pondered his question. I had everything I wanted in life except a great love story. A love that was like no other. I pictured myself being married with children by now, but I was still playing the field. Of course, I couldn’t admit that to him. That would make me sound desperate, which I wasn’t. Instead of saying that, I shrugged and made up an excuse.

“That’s another reason I came home. I needed time to think things over and reevaluate my life. Rose Haven has a way of grounding me. It’s my comfort place. I feel the most like me here.”

Benjamin eyed me skeptically, like he was trying to see if I was bullshitting him. If he peeped game, he didn’t acknowledge it.

“This is just my opinion, but why stay someplace where you have to fake the funk? I mean, ain’t love about accepting people as they are? Any nigga that tries to change you or suggests you need to fix something about yourself to appease them can’t be the nigga for you.”

I was quiet for a moment. “You’re right. I’ll give you that. I don’t know. I guess I was just trying to find myself in a new setting with new people.” I sighed heavily. “I just want to use this time to get back to the Willow I once knew. I need to love me again.”

He nodded as he popped a fry into his mouth. “I get that. Well, I hope you find yourself again. You can’t be good to anybody if you aren’t good to yourself first.”

“You sound like my dad.”

“That’s a wise man.”

I giggled. “He is. So… do you accept my apology?”

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