Page 43 of The Probability of Us

The ring. He was with Warren when he bought the engagement ring he never gave me. I wasn’t even asking about that part, but it still feels like a punch in the gut. He knew thewholetime Warren wanted to marry me.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to keep my voice calm but the words come out through gritted teeth. “And the reason he broke up with me?”

I open my eyes to catch his flinch, and it makes it hurt more. He hoped I’d never find out about this because he knew I’d be mad—he knew he was wrong. “I called him the day after you called Ali crying about it.”

“The whole time,” I breathe the words, blinking back tears. “You knew thewhole fucking time?”

He nods slowly and my vision goes blurry. I don’t know if it’s because of the tears that burn behind my eyes or the hurt that rages within me because he kept this from me.

“I don’t understand.” My voice is so small. I’m so hurt—I’m not sure if I’m even looking at him anymore. “You watched me cry over him for over six years. You listened to me speculate about every horrible reason he could’ve done what he did. I was miserable, and the whole time you knew. You knew that every theory I came up with was wrong. You knew that he was miserable without me too.”

“He hurt you so bad,” he counters. “I thought I was protecting you from more hurt.”

“Don’t you understand that you did the same thing he did?” I keep talking before he cuts in. “You both had some fucked-up notion that you knew what was best for me, and by withholding information you took away my choice. You didn’t care what I wanted. If you did, you would’ve told me the truth, because what I wanted was Warren.”

“He was already gone. Would it have made a difference?”

“Of course it would have.” My voice raises and people at nearby tables glance over our way. “If I knew he still loved me, that he still wanted to be with me—if I knew that somewhere in his apartment in D.C. was a ring that was meant for my finger—I wouldn’t have cared that he told me not to get on that plane. I would’ve kicked down every fucking door in the whole fucking city until I found him.”

“Wait,what?” Sterling says.

“Did you sayring?” Ali’s eyes are wide as she looks between me and Trent. Then her face drops, and she focuses on Trent. “You knew?”

He hesitates before he slowly nods, and she looks back at me, conflicted.

“He’s going to be here soon,” I say. “I’m going to get some air.” I start to walk away but pause, remembering something else. “Oh, Sterling, is it okay if I bring Warren as my plus one to the party Sunday?”

“We’ll make room.” He smiles at me and reaches for my hand.

I grab it and squeeze. “Thank you.”

“Come on,” Ali says, linking her arm through mine. “Some fresh air sounds nice.”

She’s silent as we walk out of the door and turn left toward a non-crowded area of the brick wall. Nor does she say anything as I lean against the wall and suck in deep breaths, trying to calm down. Once my emotions are under control and my breathing settles, she finally speaks.

“I’m so sorry,” Ali says. “I didn’t know.”

“I know.” I give her a small smile. Even if she hated Warren with her whole heart—which she did after he hurt me like that—she would’ve told me if she knew. She would’ve given me the choice.

“He had a ring?” she asks, hesitantly.

“Still has, apparently.” I close my eyes and start breathing deep again. If I think about it too much, it’s overwhelming. The life I wanted was within my grasp, and it hurts too much to think about how much I lost. How much time we lost.

“He just told you all of this out of the blue?” she questions, and I understand her tone even though I don’t like it.

She wants to make sure he didn’t tell me this in an attempt to manipulate or sway my feelings. But I don’t think there’s a manipulative bone in his body. He told me because he wanted me to know the truth, because he thoughtI knewthe truth, and when I said I wanted to go home, he let me leave. If I said I didn’t want to be together after that, he would’ve walked away no matter how much it would’ve hurt him.

“He thought I already knew—that Trent would have told me.” I sigh, and the concern fades from her expression. “Ali, I’m scared of how much I love him, of how quickly he’s become everything to me again.”

“Well, it sounds like you guys finally talked about what happened before, right?” she says, and I nod. The scary part is we haven’t talked about what happens now. We’re still in a very similar situation to the last time with a countdown till he leaves again. “Analise, the two of you had something so real, something that felt untouchable to everyone else. It only took a few seconds for anyone to realize that you guys were made for each other. I only hated him for hurting you. If he’s what you want, then go for it. Last time they took your choice away, but this time it’s completely up to you. You get to choose what’s best for you, you get to choose what you want.”

Always on my side, even when her boyfriend is the one my anger is directed at. I lucked out eight years ago when she was assigned to show me around.

“I love you, Ali.” I pull her into a hug.

Over her shoulder, I see Warren walking up the street and a smile immediately pops onto my face. I don’t need time to think about it—I know exactly what I want. I know exactly what I choose.

I choose him.

---