Page 12 of The Probability of Us

He must be remembering our place on the east end of town—that would be a long, concerning walk to take right now by myself. But I don’t live there anymore, I haven’t for years. “I’m in Solana now, just down the street.”

His eyes widen with surprise at the name; it’s a building we always used to love. It’s the place where we wanted to live, together. “How fancy.”

I smile but it’s half-hearted. “Well, goodnight,” I say, giving a half wave and starting to turn away because I’m not sure how to act with him. In some ways, it’s the same, but in others, so horribly different.

He laughs, a big, real laugh and my eyes close at the sound. “Can we not be friends?”

“Friends?” I turn to look at him and his eyes are deep pools sucking me down into the depths of his panic and desperation.

“You do know what the word means, right?” he teases, and I shoot him a glare. “We were always friends, weren’t we?”

“We were never just friends, Warren.” I shake my head, hating that I’m saying this, but there’s a difference between being friends and what we were before we dated. “I knew I was going to love you from the first moment we met, and I’m pretty sure you’ve said the same thing before. We’ve never beenjustfriends. I don’t think I know how to just be your friend.”

His face falls so fast it feels like a weight dropping on me, crushing me. His voice is so small when he speaks, it’s practically nothing. “Can we try?”

My eyes close, my breathing gets hard. I’ve wanted so many times to hear him say those words, to try to make things work, but to hear them now, knowing he wants to try, but as only friends, isn’t what I want at all. But we have to work together for the next two weeks—there’s no avoiding it—so I sigh, and even though each word feels like acid in my throat, I say, “Yes, we can try.”

His blinding smile has a tear forming in my eye and before I know what’s happening his arms are around me and I’m pulled into his chest. I don’t know if he realized what he was doing until it happened because we both freeze. But then his arms are tightening around me and it’s like every single pore on his body is reaching out to me, pulling me in, trying to absorb me so I’ll never leave again. Or maybe it’s my body doing that to him.

I suck in a breath when his hand moves into my hair and holds me against him, but then I breathe in his scent and I’m unravelling in his arms. He smells the same, bright and warm and comforting, like the perfect summer day. I can’t handle it. I push away from him and stumble back a few steps. There are tears in my eyes and there’s pain in his—both of us breathe heavy. I can see the rise and fall of his chest through his perfectly tailored suit and I have to force my eyes away from how well he’s filled out over the years.

“Goodnight, Warren,” I say.

He dips his head towards me. “Goodnight, Analise.”

A shiver runs through me because he still says my name like it’s something to be worshipped. I can see the moment he realizes he must’ve done it again because his whole face shifts into sadness. “See you tomorrow?”

I only nod, then turn and walk away. I stop when I get around the corner to catch my breath.

What is he doing to me?

When I get home, I flop down on my bed and groan. I pick up my phone to text Ali, but there’s already one waiting for me.

Ali

So, was Mitch cute? I want to hear everything.

I laugh, forgetting that she has no idea who Mitch really is—that there is no Mitch.

Me

Kallia tomorrow, early. I have A LOT to tell you.

Ali

I’ll be there!

Six

JUNE 8 YEARS AGO

My eyes flash to Warren’s desk for the hundredth time in the past hour, lips turning down into an even deeper frown.

He was out all last week for a cousin’s wedding in Maryland, but he’s supposed to be back today. I even triple checked his Outlook calendar to make sure it hadn’t changed toOut of Officetoday too. But it’s already lunch time and there hasn’t been any sign of him yet. I sigh and lock my computer before heading over to meet Ali, Trent, and Sterling. After that first day I joined them for lunch, it was like I’d been here all along. I was added to their group chat, joined them for lunch daily, and spent many evenings with them.

Ali is the leader of the group, making the decisions and rallying everyone together. Sterling is the life of the group—every day is a party with him around. He’s everyone’s biggest cheerleader and I’ve never seen him without a smile on his face. On the other hand, Trent is the quiet, reserved one. He watches over everyone like a mother hen and does his best to keep Ali and Sterling out of trouble. They’ve told me I’m the opinionated one, the one who always speaks her mind and will fight to the death with words for the people I care about.

Ali and Sterling are usually the ones getting us into interesting, and sometimes heated, situations, and Trent hates any confrontation, so I’m the one who gets us out of them. Our differences balance the group dynamic. I’ve never left one of our outings without having a new story to tell and laughing more than I ever did before I met them.

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