Page 14 of Hate That Blooms

I saw Joaquín today. He was working at the park, where the big playdate was supposed to be for Reya and the support group. He actually saved Reya from falling into a hole.

Natalie: He did?!

Cora: So he was nice to you?

No. He was sweet to her, but he made me feel bad about her running away from me. He told me I needed to watch her better.

Natalie: What a dick! Does he know she has autism? Or that you take care of her practically by yourself? Ugh, it makes me want to punch him in the nuts.

I’d pay good money to see that.

Natalie: I’d do it for free.

Cora: It’s so crazy that he’s treating you like this. I could have sworn that Thiago said Joaquín has the biggest crush on you.

Joaquín has a crush on me? That’s news to me. Well it doesn’t seem like he does anymore. I bet that all went away with all the bullshit that our parents pulled. Another thing Dad fucked up for me. I won’t lie, seeing him today in his work uniform, backward cap, and holding onto Mireya like she was something precious made my heart beat faster and butterflies flutter in my stomach.

That feeling quickly became guilt and nerves when he blamed me for not watching her carefully.

Yeah, well, he hates me now, so...

Cora: But what if he doesn’t?

Cora: What if he is still doing what dumb boys do when they have a crush? Pick on the girl they like.

Natalie: He’s taking the teasing too far, though, Cora.

Well, whatever it is, I’m so over it. I’m hoping Isaac will ask me out again. I’m supposed to go to the lacrosse game on Wednesday with Mireya to watch him play.

Natalie: *Kissy Face* Maybe he’ll really kiss you this time.

I roll my eyes at her comment. They don’t know that I stopped Isaac from kissing me. I also didn’t tell them about the stalker, that things got a little hot and heavy against the gym wall during the dance, or his text messages. Stalker hasn’t done anything malicious, so why bother anyone about it?

Okay, I’m gonna go to sleep. I’ll see you guys at school in the morning.

Both of them sent good-night messages simultaneously. I switch over to my social account and see Joaquín’s comment on Mireya and my picture.

Joaquín: Que linda es.

If only he saw me that way. Maybe time will heal everything between us. Despite all the crap he’s put me through, it’s hard to say if we could ever be a thing. Mireya gushed to mom about him when we got home from the fiasco at the park, telling mom all about the boy who saved her and gave her a squeeze. She even continued to talk about him through dinner, bath, and bedtime.

I respond to his comment,

Gabriela: Le gustas y no ha dejado de hablar del chico que la salvó del agujero. Gracias por hoy.

Hopefully, tomorrow is a better day. God knows I need it.

* * *

Fuck today.

As I hide out in the bathroom, my heart pounds in my chest. I can’t bear the thought of facing Joaquín, Nathan, and Thiago again. Their relentless taunting has taken a toll on me. Thiago is unusually quiet and seems different lately, and I suspect it has something to do with him seeing Cora.

Nathan, in particular, has been vicious with his words, hurling insults and degrading me. His latest comment about me being a “fucking whore” and asking if I’ll suck dick after school stings deeply. I try to shake off his hurtful words, reminding myself that I can’t let them destroy my self-worth.

I quickly grab my backpack off the stall hook in the bathroom and head to the sink to wash up. As I glance at my reflection in the mirror, I’m startled by the person staring back at me. The dark circles under my eyes seem to be permanent, a constant reminder of the sleepless nights I spend worrying about their relentless torment. The fading hickey from my stalker serves as a hidden reminder of the inner turmoil I’m facing as an eighteen-year-old girl falling apart inside.

Desperately longing for someone to notice my pain and offer reassurance, I yearn for a comforting voice telling me that everything will be okay. But as I step into the bustling science hall, my only focus is getting to chemistry class before Mr. Howard marks me late. I can’t afford to let my grades slip, no matter how much these bullies push me to the edge.

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