Page 23 of Never To Forever

“That’s a good way of putting it.” Leaning back in my seat, I gaze up at the ceiling before continuing, “But maybe I’ve been holding onto that too tightly. Maybe I’ve built all this up in my head and it doesn’t actually mean anything to Garrett. "

“Hey, stop that,” Haven orders, giving me a stern look that reminds me of how her mom would look whenever we got into trouble. “Don’t give up yet. You and Garrett kissed, and he got freaked out. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel anything. If anything, I’d say that shows that he does feel something. He might not understand it yet, but if you give up, he never will.”

I stare at her, surprised by her sudden vehemence. What she’s saying makes sense, but I’m almost too scared to hope.

Still, knowing she believes in me and thinks there’s a chance…

“I won’t give up,” I promise her. “Not yet.”

She smiles, clearly satisfied.

“Good,” she says. “You’re not the type of woman who gives up on what she wants, and I’m not going to let my brother be what breaks you of that.”

I grin and chuckle, shaking my head as I pick my coffee up and take another drink. She’s right. I’m not the type to give up that easily, and I won’t give up hope that someday Garrett will finally see me as more than just his little sister’s best friend.

CHAPTER TEN

GARRETT

The wordson my computer screen blur together. Shaking my head, I try to focus on what I’m reading, but I can’t make anything make sense. The open page of the notebook next to me is filled with scribbles and doodles, but nothing actually coherent.

Damn it. I can’t concentrate.

It’s hard to study in my apartment kitchen—being in the library just kind of set the academic mood. Helped me focus and get in the right headspace. It’s been a week since I’ve been there. Not since my kiss with Marie. Instead, I’ve been working at home alone, doing my best not to give myself headaches—or, at least, attempting to. My concussion symptoms are minimal, and I’m able to go around without my sling unless I feel discomfort. Honestly, I’d rather go to the library, especially since I’m more mobile, but I’ve been weighed down by guilt. I’m also afraid that if I’m alone with Marie, I’ll want to kiss her again.

It just felt so damn good.

Kissing her felt right. Natural. Like something we’re always meant to be doing, and that freaks me the hell out.

I thought if I stayed away from her, these feelings would disappear, but they didn’t. If anything, I’ve only become more consumed by her.

Giving up, I sit back in my chair and run a hand over my face with a groan.

Fuck, this is such a mess. Marie has been such an incredible help to me with my classwork. I hadn’t realized just how much I relied on her until I stopped doing so. Why does she have to be so incredible? So selfless? In the days since I’ve seen her, I’ve been reflecting on our history. She’s always so willing to help anyone in need, including Haven and me. When Haven had issues in high school with some stupid mean girls, Marie came roaring to her defense. When Mom got sick, she’d show up to help clean the house, cook Mom food, and even sat with her a few times when she was going through chemo if I was out in the oil fields and Haven couldn’t get away from work.

Marie has always been there for us… for me. Despite the fact that her own family demands her time, I know for a fact they aren’t nearly as grateful to her as Haven and I are. There’s just so much goodness in her. So much generosity and compassion. It only makes me more determined to protect her. Now it feels like I have to protect her from my raging lust for her.

Standing, I cross to my fridge, yank open the door, and grab a can of beer from the top shelf. Cracking it open, I take a long drink, willing the alcohol to dull the sharp feelings rolling through me. One beer is far from enough to do that, and I’m not going to let myself fall down that slippery slope of drinking to numb everything. Instead, I force myself to remember Mom and how much she loved Marie.

A memory suddenly bubbles up in my mind. Back when I was in college the first time, during my sophomore year, I went home for fall break. Haven and Marie were just kids—like nine, I’m pretty sure. Marie was at our house nearly every day that I was home, which wasn’t unusual, but I’d always kind of figured as she got older, she’d be with her family more often, especially since she had younger siblings. That just wasn’t the case, and I couldn’t help my curiosity, so I talked to my mom about it one day.

“Is something wrong with Marie’s family?”I asked.“She’s here all the time. Doesn’t her dad or stepmom ever worry about her or want her home?”

My mom and I had been standing in the kitchen and the girls had been upstairs playing in Haven’s room. She gazed out the window over the sink at them and sighed.

“Things at home for Marie are… difficult,”she’d told me.“Meredith is hard on her and isn’t always a great mother-figure. She likes it here, and I like having her here. When she’s here, she can just have fun and be a kid. She doesn’t have to worry about anything else. Plus, she reminds me of her mom, so I like having her around.”

“I remember how close you and Mrs. Green were,” I murmured. “But Marie was just seven when her mom died… how much does she remember of your friendship with Mrs. Green?”

My mom gave me a patient look, her gaze soft and mouth curved into a gentle smile.

“She might not, but I do, and I’m not about to let her little girl grow up questioning whether or not she’s truly loved. I want you to look after her, Garrett. Protect her just like you would Haven.”

Back then, as a stupid college sophomore with no patience for my sister and her friend, I didn’t fully understand what she meant. I have a better idea now of what she was trying to tell me, especially after the promise I made to her to take care of both girls. Marie is supposed to be like a sister to me… but it’s getting harder and harder to think of her in that way.

I can’t deny that I’m attracted to her. It’d be pretty stupid to even try, ‌especially after that kiss. Guilt continues to swirl within me, but I have to figure this out.

My thoughts are interrupted by my phone ringing. I go back to the table and grab it. When I see that it’s Christian, I answer.

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