Page 17 of Never To Forever

“Got it.”

Meredith hangs up without so much as a goodbye or a thank you.

I set my phone down and finish opening the bottle of wine, pouring myself a big glass. Meredith is such a… no. No, I can’t think that. She’s my father’s wife and the mother of my siblings. Even if she doesn’t give a shit about me or respect me, I need to respect her—for them.

Even if she is a narcissistic bitch.

Meredith has never liked me. At first, she tried to be nice for my dad’s sake, but she’s not the type of woman who likes to come in second place. That she’s Dad’s second wife has always been a thorn in her side, even if she won’t admit it out loud. She’d rather forget that my mom ever existed, but I’m a constant and unavoidable reminder that Meredith wasn’t my dad’s first love. I don’t know how someone can be jealous of a dead woman, but Meredith is.

Irritated, I take a long drink. The wine is fruity and warm as it slides down my throat and into my belly. It’s nice, and it helps me relax a bit.

I take another drink just as my doorbell rings. That’s probably Dad and Ally. Setting my glass down, I trudge to the front door and open it, forcing a smile.

My dad is a tall man, and he used to be bulkier, but he’s lost weight over the years and is long and lean now. He has graying brown hair and those dark green eyes that haven’t held the same warmth for me since my mom died. He’s looking at me now with the flat, cool expression he seems to reserve only for me. Ally stands next to him, her hazel eyes—just like Meredith’s—wide and apologetic as she gazes up at me. She’s got her backpack slung over one shoulder and is also holding onto a small duffle bag.

“Meredith called?” Dad asks.

“Yep, she did.”

“Good. Hopefully, it’s only for a few days, but we don’t want to risk Ally getting sick.”

“Dad, I’m fine…” Ally protests.

He shakes his head and tells her, “Sweetie, you’ve got too much happening right now. This is an important time for you, and your mom and me want to make sure nothing gets in your way.”

Watching them, I see the father I knew when I was younger. Warm, concerned, caring. He’s like that with all his children with Meredith, which is good. With me, though… I’m not sure what I ever did to lose his affection. I think it’s mostly because I look so much like Mom and he can’t handle that, but I know Meredith has influenced his attitude toward me. He was always eager to please her when they first got together, and she’s been so critical of me that her opinions slowly bled into his own. I think he got tired of the strain I apparently put on their marriage, though I never did anything significant to cause that. Between the kids and the pressure from Meredith, at some point he just decided it was easier to keep me at arm’s length. I don’t have the heart to tell him how much that bothers me.

I keep my expression neutral as he turns back to me, careful not to let him see the hurt I’m feeling.

“We need you to run some errands for us as well,” he says, his expression going cool again as he glances at my wine glass. “I’m going to text you a list of things we need from the grocery store and drugstore for the kids. We’ll be fine for tonight, since you’ve decided to start drinking already, but we’ll need everything picked up and dropped off in the morning. Meredith is going to stay home from work, but I have to be in the office early.”

I clench my hands into fists, digging my fingernails into my palms.

“Dad, I have work too…”

He scoffs. “I’m sure the library can handle itself without you for an hour or two. The books aren’t going anywhere, and your family needs your help, Marie. Get your priorities straight.”

I bristle at the dismissive tone he uses to discuss my job. He’s never taken my career seriously and even has called me a glorified babysitter since I work with a lot of the children’s programming at the library. The disrespect isn’t anything new, but it always pisses me off.

“I can’t leave Kathy in the lurch like that,” I snap. “That’s not fair to her.”

Dad rolls his eyes. “I doubt you’ll be busy in the morning, anyway. School is in session. Who shows up at the library anymore?”

This conversation is going nowhere. I know that nothing I say will convince him that my job is legitimate and important. It’s like a punch to the gut, every single time.

I open my mouth to argue further, but he waves his hand dismissively.

“I need to go,” he declares. “Ally, be good, study hard, and call if you need anything.”

He plants a kiss on her forehead and turns to leave, giving me a half-hearted wave. I watch him reach his car, climb inside, and drive off.

There are so many things I wish I could say to my father. I wish I could find the courage to tell him just how much he hurts me. To demand to know when and why he apparently stopped loving me, but that’s what it feels like most of the time. I’m just a thing in his life that he has to put up with. A reminder of the life and family he had before his current one. Sometimes I think that, if he could, he’d cut me off and pretend like there was nothing before Meredith and the kids. That my mom and I didn’t even exist.

The only thing that keeps me from actually hating him is the knowledge that Mom’s death devastated him. He wasn’t the same after we lost her, and I know his treatment of me comes from a place of deep, unending pain. That obviously doesn’t make it fair to me, but I can at least understand the source of his coldness toward me.

“You okay?” Ally asks me, touching my hand, pulling my attention to her.

I force a smile for her sake and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. Dad just being Dad. Come on in. I need to get the guest room ready, but let’s sit and chill for a bit.”

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