Page 12 of Never To Forever

“Good luck,” I chuckle as he gets up to walk out of the room.

Alone, I think about Christian’s offer more seriously and wonder if maybe this accident might have been a blessing in disguise. A chance to reset my life and do something more.

I mean, really, what do I have to lose?

* * *

A couple nights later, after Haven, Christian, and Oliver have turned in for the night, I’m left alone in the living room restless and not ready to go up to my own bed yet, the soft hum of the heater the only sound in the otherwise quiet house. My shoulder aches with a dull, persistent throb, and my head and neck are killing me, but I grit my teeth and ignore it. The pain reminds me I'm grounded here for a while, whether or not I like it. As much as I appreciate Haven’s concern and her insistence on taking care of me, I’ve come to appreciate night time when I can actually have some real alone time.

I look around at the empty space; at Christian’s bookshelves lined with titles about business, oil fields, and economics—subjects he’s lived and breathed for years. He always made it look easy. Me? I was the one out there getting my hands dirty, fixing machines and working the rig. Christian was capable of doing all that too, and would often go out and get his hands as dirty as mine, but the main difference between us has always been that he doesn’t have to do that. He doesn’t have to work the rig himself. He could easily stay in his fancy office and delegate all that to other people. I don’t have any choice—it’s the only work I’m able to fall back on. Or, that’s what I’ve believed for a long time now.

Am I really capable of more?

With a sigh, I open my laptop and pull up Google. “Online finance programs,” I type with one hand, and hundreds of results flood the screen. It feels strange even considering this. It’s been so long since I stepped away from school… can I really go back? What if it’s too difficult and I fail?

What if I succeed?

I scroll through a few pages; the programs blurring together, the screen’s brightness stinging my eyes. I turn it down, but still need to take breaks and look away from the screen often. Finally, I find a program that’s practical, fully online, and has decent reviews. There’s a flexible schedule too, which means I could fit it in around my physical therapy sessions. I click on the “Apply Now” button and start filling out the form. My fingers hesitate on the keys a few times, like my brain can’t keep up with what I’m doing. Name, contact information, previous education—all pretty standard stuff. When I get to the section that asks about why I’m applying, I pause. The empty box seems to stare back at me, waiting for an answer I’m not even sure of myself.

“Why finance?” I mutter, leaning back and rubbing my jaw. Numbers make sense to me. They always have. There’s a comfort in knowing that two plus two will always be four, and that if there’s a problem with numbers, it can be solved. I enjoy being the one to solve those problems.

I type out a few lines about wanting to broaden my skills and contribute more meaningfully to the business world, though the words feel stilted. At the end, I find myself adding a more honest thought:I’m ready to try something new, to take a step forward that I’ve put off for too long.

Fuck, this one-handed bullshit is so frustrating. It takes me nearly thirty minutes to fill everything out, when it should’ve taken me half that.

With one last look over the application, I click submit. A confirmation email appears in my inbox almost immediately, congratulating me on the first step toward my new future. It’s a small thing, just an email, but seeing it there feels oddly satisfying.

CHAPTER FIVE

MARIE

My heart thumpsin my chest as I set an empty notebook and a cup of pens and pencils out on an empty table near the library’s front desk. Is this too much? Am I being too fussy? I don’t want Garrett to think I’m being over the top, but I want to make sure he has everything he needs to work on his class assignments. Haven had called two weeks ago and asked if I’d help Garrett with his classwork once he was accepted and enrolled into the program. Of course, I immediately said yes. The chance to spend one-on-one time with the man of my dreams? Sign me the hell up!

Still, I don’t want to freak him out. I try to be cool, calm, and collected around him. To be flirty and fun, but inside, I’m always a nervous mess, wanting to impress him and show him I’m an interesting, attractive woman he should pay attention to.

“Geez, are you going to serve him milk and cookies too?” Ally teases, coming up behind me and looking over my shoulder. She has open campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and has been coming to the library during that time to get extra SAT prep work in.

“I just want to make sure he has everything he needs,” I say, defending myself as I move the pens over a little.

“Riiiight.” Ally moves around me and leans against the desk so she can look me in the eye. “It’s not at all because you have the biggest crush on Garrett in the history of the world. You’re worse than the pick-me girls in my class.”

I roll my eyes. “So I like him, so what? Wanting him to succeed isn’t a crime, and neither is making sure he has everything he needs.”

Laughing, Ally shakes her head and grins up at me. “You’ve been trying to nail down Garrett for years. Do you really think helping him study for his English class will be what convinces him to throw you a bone—literally?”

I hate how easily she sees through me. She and Haven are the only people who know the extent of my feelings for Garrett… everyone else just likes to laugh at my little “crush.” Still, I’m not about to admit to the hope burning in me that this could actually be an opportunity for something more between me and Garrett.

“Ally!” I exclaim, feigning shock and pressing my hand to my chest dramatically, playing it up to hide my real anxiety. “How crude! My intentions for Garrett are pure, and I have no desire to climb him like an oak tree. For shame!”

“You’re so dumb,” she giggles.

“And you’re in my way.” I playfully shove her away from the desk.

“Man, I hope I never go as gaga over a guy as you,” Ally groans. “This is sad.”

“Don’t you have studying you should be doing?”

She shrugs. “Yeah, but this is way more entertaining.”

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