Page 58 of Reign of Betrayal

I don’t really want to think about it now—or ever. I will never have children, but if I did, I would want to protect them in any way that I could.

The water cascades over me, streaming through my black hair and down my skin. The heat is so intense it almost burns, but I welcome the pain. It’s better than the guilt.

My thoughts drift to Reign—her long lavender hair and those captivating lavender eyes. Her gaze haunts me. It’s reminiscent of the twilight sky just as the sun sets and night begins to blanket everything it touches. It’s a breathtaking beauty, mesmerizing and unforgettable, leaving me yearning for another glimpse.

I long for another moment to gaze upon her, another touch of her skin, another shared breath, another session of bickering, another moment where she has her little dagger held to me like she could hurt me. I smile at the thought. I’d do anything to hear her sassy mouth right now, explore the taste of her mouth right now.

I shake my head. Maybe I shouldn’t have let my thoughts switch to her. It’s almost as damning as it is delightful. I crave something I shouldn’t, something I can’t have—something I don’t deserve. Acting on this attraction would only doom her. Whether by Vanna’s hand or my own, Reign would be ruined. Maybe all I need is to bed someone else. It’s just lust. That’s what I keep telling myself. I rub a hand down my face, like that could so easily erase her image that is now permanently engrained in my memory.

Reign is like a thread in my mind. Once you see the thread hanging off your tunic, you pull it to rid yourself of the nuisance. But once you start to pull, you realize there is more to it. So, you continue to pull and eventually you will start to unravel the tunic, creating a hole. Sometimes it’s safer to just cut the damn thing. I am fearful that Reign, like the thread, will completely unravel me. I need to just pick up the damn shears and sever all ties.

After finishing my shower, I step out and dress. Just as I lie down, a knock sounds at my door. My shadows alert me: it’s Lilyana. I command them to open the door, and she steps inside.

“Luke!” She hurries over, wrapping me in a tight hug before settling into the black leather chair near my bed.

“Lilyana, is everything alright?” I sit up on the edge of the bed, sensing her unease. She doesn’t come to my room unless something is weighing on her.

“I saw you carrying a babe into the throne room. You were…” She diverts her eyes for a second. “You were stained with blood. Are you okay?”

I grunt, closing my eyes briefly. Lilyana is so innocent, so untouched by the darker parts of my life. She doesn’t know everything I do—or what it takes. “I’m fine. I had things to handle. It’s over now.”

She shifts uncomfortably in the chair. “Do you ever think what life would be like if… If mother was still here.”

I stare at my baby sister for a second, thinking how to answer this question. I hate the sorrow on her face. Water lines her hazel eyes, an exact replica of our mother’s. Of course I have thought about it, more times than I can count, and all it did was brew a storm inside of me.

I sit up straight, clasping my hands on my lap, leaving my features expressionless. “No, Lilyana. I do not. When mother died, so did my thoughts of what could have been. Nothing will change history. Keeping to the past ensures we don’t keep moving forward. I suggest you leave the past where it belongs, live for today, and think about what tomorrow could bring.”

She furrows her brows for a second but nods slightly, disappointment etching her features. “And what is it you think about for your future Lukene? More trips away from the palace where you come home tainted in someone’s blood?” Her tone sharpens, offended. I’ve struck a nerve, I see.

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “I don’t know. I don’t really think of my future. I do what’s required, Lilyana. Father discussed taking over Maduri once we get things more settled in Wemdrah and Skalhar.”

“But what do you want foryourfuture, Lukene?” Lilyana mimicked my posture, leaning over, elbows on her knees, and hands clasped together. I don’t like to be questioned like this. If it was anyone else, I would have thrown them out of my room… or cut their tongues out.

I don’t know what I want for my future. I don’t give it much thought. Tainted souls don’t get happy endings. Us damaged souls get damned. There is so much blood on my hands that the Mother won’t welcome me to the eternal lands with open arms. Instead, she’ll cast me into the hells. I haven’t thought about what life could be, only what I am—what I am made for. I don’t know how to answer my sister’s question.

“I grow tired of this conversation sister. Is there something else you need before I sleep?”

She throws herself back into the chair dramatically, scoffing loudly while she rolls her eyes. “Luke, this is serious. I don’t want you coming home bloodied all the time. I don’t even want to know whose blood it is or how you got so much on you.” She places a hand on her forehead and rubs back and forth. “Maybe it’s time to settle down. Find a wife. Love can do you wonders. It can change people, give you a new take on life.”

Now it’s my turn to scoff. I sit up tall, eyes widened. What a disgusting thing to say to me. “I will never marry, Lilyana. Never.” I shake my head. “I have no need for a wife. I refuse to bring children into this continent. And I will never love. Never. Love makes people weak. And with the things that I must do to protect this kingdom—the things that are demanded—I cannot afford to be weak.”

“You are wrong,Prince Lukene.” She stands with a sour expression. “Love doesn’t make anyone weak. Love strengthens us. It brings out the best of us. Love heals.” She places a hand over her heart as she speaks the words. “And most importantly, love gives us a purpose—a reason tobebetter, a reason to keep going.”

She steps toward the door but pauses with her hand on the knob. Her gaze softens slightly as she glances back. “Love brightens the darkest of spaces, even when we don’t think it’s possible for light to penetrate it, Luke. Everyone deserves love. Everyone. Even you.” A small, tired smile flickers on her lips, not quite reaching her eyes. “You’ll have to marry eventually, whether it’s for love or for your duty. It should be the former.” Without another word, she heads out of the door not even waiting for my response.

The door clicks shut behind her, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I close my eyes, momentarily rubbing the darkened stubble on my face. I need to sleep, even if it’s just for a bit. I need to clear my head. Then, I’ll deal with the grove on the border near the coast—then maybe try to comprehend all that my sister spoke of. Maybe. Probably not.

I lie back, pulling the soft black blanket over me. As I close my eyes, Lilyana’s words echo in my mind:Love brightens the darkest spaces.

I loved my mother dearly. She brightened up every space, and she died, taking a part of me with her. Her death snuffed out whatever light was in me. I never want to feel that pain again.

Lilyana looks so much like our mother that sometimes it hurts to look at her. She carries the same sweetness our mother had, and sometimes I feel unworthy of being around her. I am fearful that my tainted soul will bleed into her goodness. I grunt and flip to my side.

Lilyana is wrong—not everyone deserves love. I… I don’t deserve love. Who could fall in love with someone like me—a monster? Sure, I am the prince, and yes, I am handsome. But I’m lethal. I am deadly. My hands are stained with blood.

I don’t know how to love anymore. I don’t have feelings, or I try not to. I am a monster, and I am fine with that. Everyone else will need to be fine with that too.

Exhaustion weighson me after only a few restless hours of sleep. I drift in and out of that hazy space between slumber and awareness. A sharp knock at the door jolts me upright. Before I can sense who it is, Kylo strides in. I sit up, rubbing the disorientation from my face.

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