Page 34 of Second to None

God, I was hopeless.

For a while, we all splashed about—half-hearted races, Jace dunking Mason, Ellis executing a flawless header that showed off his toned body. Objectively, every single one of these guys was a damn fine specimen. But only Levi had my attention. Always.

Eventually, we clambered out, dripping puddles onto the pool tiles. Somehow, I ended up on the edge, a towel slung around my waist, feet in the water and Levi settling next to me, wrapped in a towel of his own. His knuckles brushed my thigh as he shifted, and I wondered if he noticed just like I did—desire knifing me in the gut, breath lost for a second. I turned my head and found him watching me already. Words wouldn’t come.

“It’s strange,” he said eventually, voice pitched low. “Being back here.”

“Bad?” I asked.

He took a moment, his eyes on the sunlight rippling across the water. “No. It’s like... full circle, in a way?” He let out a quiet breath. “I went through a shit time after we ended. Hated you. Hated myself more. Had to quit drinking and sort myself out.”

I didn’t know what to say so I kept quiet, hands curled into my towel to stop myself from reaching out. I’d gone through my own version of hell—trying to lock my feelings in a neat little box, to drown my regret in fan approval and hookups that didn’t come close to what I’d lost.

“But now,” Levi continued, “being here...” He shot me a small glance, brightened by the smile tugging at his lips. “The end sucked. It really did. But when we were good, we were... We were something else, huh?”

“Yeah.” A heavy, honeyed ache settled in my bones as I returned his smile. “We really were.”

“Beautiful,” Mason commented from somewhere behind us.

We turned instinctively, caught in the act of leaning slightly toward each other as he snapped a picture—not the first, it seemed. “Jace can post this one tonight. Let’s give the fans what they want!”

Levi and I shared a look, neither of us moving for a beat. Then his expression shifted with just a tinge of amusement. “Go on—ask me again if I’m sure.”

“You are?” My tone got caught halfway between a question and a statement.

He reached over and covered my hand with his, the contact warm and fleeing. “Yes, Cass. I’m sure.”

My chest felt too small to contain the beating mess of my heart. By the time I figured out how to respond—‘Thank you, love you, do you think you could love me again?’—he’d rolled to his feet and demanded to see Mason’s phone.

I closed my eyes and exhaled, bright sunspots dancing through my vision. Too much, too soon, our history flooding every dark and lonely corner of my mind.

Breathe, slow and steady.

I swallowed, opened my eyes, and slapped a casual smile on my face that would fool most people. Probably not the four who knew me best, though, and in some ways, I was glad for it.

* * *

Ellis leftaround four to relieve his wife, and Levi and Mason followed soon after to pick up Emily. Only Jace remained, and I was glad he’d agreed to stay with me. I didn’t want to be alone right now.

After I informed my media team that this was happening and no, thanks, I didn’t want to reconsider, Jace and I returned to the pool with a beer each, just floating for a bit before he broke the lazy afternoon hum with “How are you holding up?”

It was a characteristic move for him. With people he didn’t know, he could come across as detached, too-cool-for-school, but really, he was just socially anxious and worried that anything he said could and would be used against him. He cared too much rather than too little.

HowwasI holding up?

“Processing, I think.” I idly kicked my legs, silken water sliding over my skin. The faint scent of chlorine mixed with summer flowers and sun-baked grass. “It’s this thing I’ve been pondering for... years, really. Months since I started doing small stuff like wearing rainbow bracelets and saying ‘they’ anytime someone asked about my love life. Easy enough to ignore for fans who prefer me straight.”

“A couple cozy pictures of you and Lee don’t mark the point of no return,” Jace said, his tone gently probing.

“I know. Even our dinner tomorrow night—could still claim it’s perfectly innocent.” I paused. “But I’m ready, Jace. I’m ready to do this.”

“Bravo.” He splashed some water at my face, which apparently signaled approval. I sputtered, still shaking drops out of my eyes when he asked, “And what about Levi?”

I paddled my way to a sip of beer while Jace waited. He was the most patient of us all, always had been—like that time on tour when Levi and Mason had spent hours working on the bridge of a song. Jace had sat through it without complaint while Ellis and I had been ready to throttle them, cabin fever running high.

“Levi is, uh...” I took another mouthful of beer, swallowed, and tried again. “I lost my chance—I know that. But I still want… I want to know him again. Even if it’s just as friends. I don’t want to go another five years without contact.”

“You think you lost your chance?” Jace’s voice was low, and I matched him.

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