Page 5 of Second to None

“Levi and me first.” I inhaled, a faint tang of lavender weighing down the air. “And then the band. By extension.”

“Thought you guys calling it quits was a mutual decision?” Mason’s voice was careful. Fair enough—he’d tried to make me talk before, and I’d always shut him down.

“That’s just the line we agreed on.” I shrugged a shoulder, shook my head. “Didn’t want to drag the rest of you into our mess.”

Mason snorted. “Like that was ever gonna work.”

Yeah, true. We’d been raised by the road and each other, our teenage years one long, rolling sleepover.

“I guess it was just… I don’t know. We didn’t want to make it seem like you had to choose.” They’d have taken Levi’s side. Not only because he’d been our unofficial leader, the guy we all turned to for advice, me most of all—but also because I’d been the one who ruined us, folding like a house of cards.

“Okay, I kinda get that.” Mason relaxed into the deep cushions of my lounge couch, his head lolling to the side so he could keep watching me. “Also means we couldn’t really support you guys, though. It was… fucking awful, you know? We were forced to sit by with our thumbs up our asses, watching our friends, ourbrothers,fall apart in front of our eyes.”

Jesus. I’d never thought about it like that—what it would have done to the other guys. Too focused on my own drama, fear and guilt warring with anger becausehow could Levi ask this of me?

“I’m sorry.” My voice came out rough. I focused on the cool touch of the bottle against my palm, a contrast to the lingering dry heat that marked California summers.

“I didn’t say this to make you feel bad,” Mason told me. “What I meant is—we would have been there. I’m still here now. So whenever you’re ready…”

Was I? Only one way to find out: rip off the Band-Aid.

“It was my fault,” I said. “When we told you guys it was mutual… that was just Levi protecting me. Like usual.”

I hadn’t deserved it. Hadn’t deservedhim.

“Who’s to blame isn’t actually what I’m interested in,” Mason said. “I just want to know what happened. You and Levi, you were…” He huffed out a little laugh. “I’m gonna sound like a sap. But watching you made me believe that love isn’t just a fairy tale.”

“Didn’t live happily ever after, did we?” The words caught in my throat, and I turned away immediately after. The last traces of sunset had bled away, making room for velvety hues of indigo and violet.

“No. Guess not.” He paused. “So,whynot?”

“I wanted fame. Levi… He just wanted us.” I scrubbed a hand through the loose curls of my hair, then closed my eyes and let myself relive that moment—right back in that hotel room, one of a million, Levi’s body a tight coil. The crack in his voice as he’d whispered,‘I can’t hide anymore. I’m sorry, Cass. But I want… You’re it for me. And if you don’t feel the same…’

“He wanted to come out?” Mason asked softly.

“Yeah. We’d been hiding for three years, right, and we were both pretending to date girls because some fans started speculating about us. And I guess he was just… tired. Of all of it.” I drew a sharp breath through my teeth. “Remember how he was sick a lot that autumn? We were touring and recording at the same time, all of us drinking too much, no one getting enough sleep.”

Mason’s scoff held zero humor. “Wasn’t that an average Tuesday for us?”

“True, yeah.” I leaned into the armrest, a strange, floating sensation buzzing in my gut. “He wanted to be himself. With me. Told me he—um.” Fuck. I played the biggest stadiums in the world, but right here in my backyard with Mason as my sole audience, I was choking up? “He pretty much told me that if it was a choice between fame and me, he’d pick me, hands down. And if I didn’t feel the same, then,well. Better say it now.”

“You told him you didn’t.” Mason made it a statement more than a question.

“I did.” My breath got stuck in my throat. “So, you know. I lied.”

He was quiet for a second, shifting into a more comfortable position. “Why?”

“Got scared, mostly.” It sounded so simple when back then, it had been like a tsunami pulling me under, all rational thought swept away in its wake. I couldn’t. Icouldn’t.

Mason’s voice pulled me back to the present. “Scared of what?”

“Of jumping without a safety net. No way back.” I pressed the bottle against my sweaty forehead. “I was twenty, man. Fifteen when the band started, sixteen when Levi and I got going. That’s no excuse, but he knew he was gay going in; I didn’t. Not until I met him.”

“You don’t need to make excuses for my sake,” Mason said. “I was there. It was a lot for all of us, and you were our baby.”

The easy forgiveness felt wrong—I didn’t deserve it. Would it be easier if he yelled at me? Maybe, yeah.

I released a breath into the still air. “I guess I just… I didn’t have a Plan B to the band, and I somehow thought that if we came out…” I broke off.

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