Page 31 of Nantucket Longing

Madeline stared at Mrs.Everett with anger in her heart.She was annoyed.She didn’t care.This felt especially horrific because Madeline was suddenly sure that Mrs.Everett was one of the few people on the planet that Diana counted as a friend.

Later that night, Mrs.Everett tried desperately to get Madeline to return to the hotel.But Madeline wouldn’t leave her mother’s side.For three nights, she slept up at the hospital, hardly eating a thing.She felt sure that the minute she left her mother, she would wake up and not know what to do, or where she was, or how she got there.

The nurses were not thrilled with her, especially when they learned that she was still a minor.They told her they needed to call child services, so Madeline called Mrs.Everett and asked her to tell them that she was “watching” Madeline, for now.Madeline sounded so frantic and upset on the phone that Mrs.Everett finally agreed.

“But I want to fly back to Michigan soon,” Mrs.Everett said.“I can’t afford to stay out here for much longer.”

It was then she told Madeline that she’d collected all of Madeline and Diana’s things from their hotel room and put them in her car.This boggled Madeline’s mind.Things?Suitcases?She couldn’t remember anything of her former life, her time before the hospital, before the bright white walls that would drive anyone insane.

Madeline heard herself say, “I’m going to move out here to be close to her.”

“But Madeline, be reasonable.You don’t have money,” Mrs.Everett said.

“I’ll get a job.I’ll figure something out,” Madeline said.

Mrs.Everett sighed.“Madeline, it was really just one audition.You’re a brilliant pianist.I’m sure we could find you another school to audition for.There are countless records of your wonderful playing.Someone will take you.You can still have a future.”

But by that time, Madeline hadn’t practiced the piano in days, which felt like an entire lifetime.Her fingers were her own again.Her time belonged to her, rather than to that big, alien beast that had stolen so much of her life.

“I don’t want to play the piano,” Madeline said.“I quit.”

But it was that very night that Diana passed away.Madeline held her hand and watched the monitor fade out.When it happened, the nurses removed the tubes and told Madeline she could have as much time as she wanted with her mother before they proceeded to “the next step.”But Madeline didn’t understand what that meant and didn’t think to ask before the nurses sped off to help someone else.Madeline was too exhausted to cry.She sat there and internally begged her mother to wake up, to get up and yell at her about how she hadn’t practiced the piano in days and days.After all we’ve been through?She imagined her saying,After all that, you’re just going to quit?

Madeline slept-walked through the next era of her life.Because they didn’t have the money for a proper burial, she opted for the cheapest way forward and was given a small box of her mother’s ashes.With the information in her mother’s purse, she was able to put her name on her mother’s bank account and yank together some semblance of a life—a life that felt so small and hollow that it didn’t excite her at all.When it continued to snow deep into March and then at the beginning of April, she went out onto the porch of the little rental she had not far from Juilliard, raised her chin to the sky, and thought,No, I can’t do the cold anymore.She flew to Los Angeles three days later and tried to create a life for herself.But nothing fit her.Nothing was right—until Greta walked into her life and saw something magical in her and invited her to The Copperfield House.It was then that her life could truly begin again.

ChapterSeventeen

Madeline

Christmas on Nantucket Island

It was only after Madeline told Greta the entire story of her mother’s death that Greta sat down.By then, the onions were finished cooking, and the soufflé was in the oven, and dinner was fast approaching, but Greta had never given Madeline any indication that Madeline’s story wasn’t her highest priority.Greta put her face in her hands and took a long, deep breath.Madeline watched her, captivated and exhausted.Never in her life had she told the entire story.She’d suddenly remembered so many small, important details—details of what her mother had been wearing on the day of the accident, details of what Mrs.Everett had said.Now that Madeline was so much older (at least in her mind), it seemed very strange that she’d been able to build her own life.It now seemed like an even greater tragedy, now that she’d lived through it.

“Madeline, I hope you know how strong you are,” Greta said finally.

Madeline bit her tongue to keep from sobbing.“I’ve just tried to take each day as it comes.”

“You’ve done far more than that, my dear.You’ve built a life for yourself,” Greta said.

“But I never could have without you,” Madeline said.“I was only half living before you walked into my life.I went to work and walked around and waited for something to happen.I might have kept doing that for the next five, ten, twenty years.”It chilled Madeline to think of all the time she’d already wasted.She realized she must have been terribly depressed.

“But it was you who had to be brave and sit back at the piano,” Greta reminded her.“I imagine that must have been incredibly difficult.”

“It was, and it wasn’t,” Madeline said, her chest filling with emotion.

Greta was quiet for a long time.From upstairs, Madeline could hear muffled conversation and laughter that sounded like it belonged to Alana and Julia and Ella—the three sisters, up to no good before Christmas.Madeline was so attached to them already.

“I have a confession to make, as well,” Greta said finally.

Madeline was suddenly frightened.“You do?”

Greta nodded.“That day in Los Angeles, I recognized you.”

Madeline was stricken.“I don’t understand.”

Greta folded her lips.She looked reticent.“For twenty-five years, I was alone in this big, empty house,” she said.“And I had a great deal of time to listen and think.One way I liked to pass the time was with my albums.I have about four hundred in the music room.Maybe you’ve noticed them?”

Madeline had, but because she streamed everything on the internet, she hadn’t taken the time to go through them.

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