Page 6 of Nantucket Longing

“What kind of musicians?”Madeline asked.

“They’re in a rock band,” Danny said.“They used to be sort of cool, I guess.But they still go on tour a lot.I guess old people still like them.”

Laura swatted her brother on the upper arm, and he yelped.“Ouch!What?It’s true.”

Coming from the world of hard-hitting classical music, Madeline found it hard to fathom that anyone could actually make a living at rock music.She’d hardly been allowed to listen to that growing up and had only dipped into it the previous few years.Her mother had pushed classical and sometimes jazz on her.Other rock and pop radio stations were not exactly forbidden but not encouraged either—similar to burgers or fries.

“We should grill out tonight!”Scarlet suggested.“Burgers?Hot dogs?”

Madeline panged with desire.Had Scarlet read her mind?

“I’m supposed to have a meeting with your grandmother,” Madeline said.

Scarlet gestured at the silvery sunset.“Grandma will understand.Today’s no day to overwork yourself.”

Overwork?Madeline had hardly started.But she heard herself laugh along with Scarlett and felt her fingers sweep through Henry’s.Together, they walked through the old Historic District, past the Sutton Book Club and their favorite diner, past a choir performing in the main square, and past tourists and their screaming children and their melting ice cream cones.Madeline felt a part of something.She felt accepted.And when they stormed through the family side of The Copperfield House, she felt swept up.

Greta was in the kitchen with her three daughters: Alana, the ex-model; Julia, Henry’s mother, who owned a publishing house; and Ella, Laura and Danny’s mother and the one who Henry had explained had actually been adopted by a singer-songwriter who’d stayed at The Copperfield House in the eighties.Greta looked up from a skillet, where she was browning shallots, and caught Madeline’s eye.“You look like you had a beautiful day in the sun,” she said.

Madeline searched for some sense that Greta was disappointed in her.It reminded her of long ago when she’d put off practicing the piano for one reason or another, and her mother had told her she’d be up till past midnight to make it up.Madeline had known she was doomed to spend hours and hours at the keys, alone in her head, alone in her body.But Diana had made it clear that the piano came first.

But Greta was already shooing them out of the kitchen.“Scarlet!There’s wood under the porch.Take as much as you need.”

Madeline hung back for a second.She stuttered with, “Maybe we can have our meeting tomorrow?”

Greta waved her spatula, gesturing out the door.“We’ll find the time, my dear.”

Madeline couldn’t help but feel she’d done something wrong.Since the age of seventeen and even before, she’d perpetually felt as though she’d done something wrong or was about to do something wrong.

Not for the first time, she wondered if she needed years and years of therapy.

She’d been through so much.She’d been through more than she could fully name.

Madeline helped Scarlet and Henry carry wood to the bonfire area, where they tented it and used an old newspaper to make a fledgling flame.Ella and Julia set chairs out around the bonfire, talking rapidly about a mutual friend of theirs, Aurora, who, Madeline was pretty sure, had been the MC at the Nantucket Gala.The world of Nantucket and the Copperfields felt so dense; it felt sure they were never lonely.Not long after that, Henry’s older sister emerged from the house with her baby strapped to her chest.She looked ragged and exhausted but thrilled.Her boyfriend came out of the house a few minutes later—a boyfriend she’d met at The Copperfield House who, incidentally, was not the father of her baby.Henry had explained all of that, too: how Anna had been engaged in Orcas Island, how she’d been pregnant without knowing it, and how her fiancé had died in a freak accident.Henry had said, “She sees the baby as a gift, I think.And her new boyfriend totally accepts the situation.It’s a wild story.”

Madeline had thought to herself,I have stories, too.Why can’t I share them with anyone?

Not long after that, the smell of a cigar floated through the evening breeze.Madeline turned in her chair to see Bernard and Greta on the porch, Bernard with his arm slung over Greta’s shoulders as they spoke quietly, and he smoked.Madeline clutched her glass of water and considered the strength of their love.She realized that she’d never seen romantic love like they displayed it.Her mother and father had certainly never shown her anything like that.Was that why she was so nervous around Henry?

Suddenly, Henry touched her thigh, and Madeline nearly leaped out of her skin.

Henry chuckled and removed his hand.“Sorry.I was just going to ask if you wanted cheese on your cheeseburger?”

Madeline throbbed with fear.A voice at the back of her head told her to eat a salad, not the burger!But everyone else was going to eat burgers.Why wouldn’t she?She wasn’t a classical musician any longer.She could do whatever she wanted!Wasn’t that freedom just as delicious as a burger?

“Okay.Cheese sounds good,” she said.

“You got it,” he said, turning around to slap a piece of American cheese on a burger.His stepfather, Charlie, was operating the grill and talking to Julia animatedly, flipping burgers as Julia laughed.

The sun dropped into the ocean and cast them in darkness, lit only by flame.Henry’s mother handed Madeline a glass of wine, which she enjoyed with her burger and watermelon and salad.The textures were divine, succulent, and crunchy.She wanted to eat her fill and curl up on the sand by the fire and fall asleep.She wanted to drift away, listening to the sounds of all these lovely Copperfields exchanging stories and laughing together.

Suddenly, someone was calling her name.It took a minute for Madeline to realize it was Scarlet, asking her, “What were you doing out in LA?”

Madeline slid her tongue over her teeth.“Oh, a little of this, a little of that,” she said.

Scarlet laughed.“What of this, what of that?”

She wasn’t going to let Madeline off the hook.

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