Page 22 of In the Light of Day

“On” I whisper, the idea of being in darkness is almost crippling. He climbs into bed, fully clothed, laying on his back, his large body not taking up nearly as much space as what I thought it would.

I can do this.

Pulling my blankets over me I nuzzle down into the soft linens, the smell almost as good as when Ace pulls me into a hug.

“Good?” he questions, the lights shining brightly as we lay in the quiet. I reach my hand out from the side of the blanket, patting down and around until I hit his hard body, gently resting my hand so I'm touching him.

“Better now,” I say, smiling into my blanket. The world corrects itself a little more as I fall asleep to the sounds of Ace breathing, his hand reaching up to rest over mine. Life rushes through me and I think for the first time, I can get through this, this is just the start.

I can breathe again, I can breathe.

The Middle

Three Years Free

Chapter 17 - Ace

Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran?

“I just got off the phone with my sister. Apparently, my mum has been extra controlling since she got engaged and she’s freaking out … I have some bad news,”

“I need to go visit her soon, basically the same time you guys are away on your mission which means I can't stay here anymore. ”

This is one of those instances when the world seems to close in on itself. I'm going off on a mission and she's going to see her sister. She's going back to the lion's den and I won't be with her.

I hate her family. I hate them ... well everyone except Lizzy, her sister. I’ve made an exception for Lizzy's fiance, Phillip, but that's the only one. His background check came back non-existent. That man doesn't even have a parking ticket against him. I had to call in a few favours because he's so squeaky clean that it didn't feel right. But also, he's so perfect that no wonder Nova's mum and dad accept him.

Seth and Martha made room for me in their family when they took Nova in a few years ago and I've loved every second of it. Between the motherly hugs from Martha and the gun-cleaning competitions with Seth, having a real family has been better than I could have imagined.

I belonged. And it was everything I've ever wanted.

Even when Martha passed we pulled together as a family unit and carried on like she would have wanted. We all grieved together but never stopped moving forward.

The day I drove Nova out to the plot of land where she built her house, was the day everything changed. The sun was shining bright overhead and the last of the winter breeze blew through the empty field. I let her have some time alone as I watched her from my truck. It was the first big adult decision she made for herself. She knew what she was looking for and that she wanted to be near Seth. She felt better when he was near but also wanted her independence. That was the day I put an offer in on an old farmhouse I'd seen while she’d been looking for land. It needed a lot of work but it was nothing I couldn't handle. I just knew I needed to be near her. It was also the day I decided I wanted to retire from the military and start the next chapter of my life.

Her hair caught in a gust and she looked over her shoulder to where I was sitting, watching her ... and she took my breath away. The confidence that shone through, the smile she gave me. She looked free and I could sense the way I thought of her change. She was always beautiful but it was never about that for me. Something shifted in me then, and she changed from Nova the girl who needed to be saved, into Nova the woman I wanted.

She waved me over, calling out for me to come join her and I knew then that I could never give her up. I wanted everything she could give me but I was also prepared to wait until the time was right.

To wait for her to be ready.

I just have to hope that one day, she will want me too. I remember getting out of my truck, her cardigan was pulled tightly around her, protecting her from the cold wind. I couldn't help but cuddle into her as she sank back against me, letting me wrap my arms around her as I nuzzled into her neck.

She only lets me and Seth get close. Martha was allowed to as well until she passed, otherwise, she moves in and around people, weaving and interacting with them in such a way that they never have to touch, but also so they're unaware of the distance.

Looking at her now, I can see the brave face she's putting on. A lot of planning goes into a visit with her sister. She needs to know everything that could happen and then I need to as well. Itineraries, accommodation, car services, I need to know it all.

If I'm honest the three times she’s gone to see her I've forced myself along anyways. I don't trust her family. The way they blame her for what happened only makes me see red and we're both lucky I've not shot someone yet, especially her dog of a mother.

“Nova, are you sure? If you wait until after my mission I can come with you. I can try and move the dates we’re meant to leave, push it back or see if someone else can replace me?”

Trying not to let my frustration show. I need to be calm for her, like a duck. The only Ace she needs to see is the cool, composed, collected version. If I let the darkness creep in when she's around I could scare her away and I know I can’t live without her any more. She's the other half of me and we're slowly getting to a place where I think she might feel something more.

Pulling her away, I lead her down the small hallway to my bedroom, just off the kitchen. My own little sanctuary in the house I share with Mila and Dante. The last thing they need is more stress when Dante is already cracking under the weight of having to leave Mila while she's pregnant and navigating Hyperemesis Graviderium.

“Nova, are you sure?” I repeat, needing her to hear the words I'm saying and what that means.

“I can do this, Ace. I'm ready. She said she'd already talked with my mother and they’d cancelled the trip they had planned. She's drowning under the weight of her expectations and I can help. The timing is just a little bad is all.”

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