Page 93 of Misery and Ecstasy

“Kins, what…? What’s going on?” Her demeanor puzzles me, causing even more concern than previously. “How could you think for one second Iwouldn’tbe here?”

Suddenly, Olivia is there. “She’s probably just tired. Maybe still a little confused. She was the same way when we were on the phone earlier.”

The two of them look at one another, having an entire conversation between them while I stand here feeling like an interloper.

Olivia’s eyebrows look like they’re firing off warning signs.

Kins looks like she’s both angry and relieved at the same time.

What the fuck is going on?

McKinsey finally looks at me before covering her face with her hands.

“I’m so sorry…”

“Fuck, Kins…” Cupping her cheek, I can’t stop my own tears from falling. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. God, when I saw you lying there… I was so fucking scared.”

Dropping onto my knees next to her bed, I enclose her hand in both of mine. She reaches for me, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles as though I’m the one who needs consoling.

Nobody speaks, letting her tears flow. Olivia stays in the room, and honestly, I’m glad she’s here. Kins seems a little less agitated with both of us nearby.

After McKinsey’s crying stops and a few moments of calm pass, she speaks, sounding like she wants nothing more than to start over.

“Hi.” She squeezes my hand.

She looks so fucking adorable yet sad at the same time. I’d fucking kill to crawl into that bed with her and tug her close to my side.

“Hi, Kins. I missed you.”

“Same. I’m really glad you’re here.Bothof you.” She turns to Olivia who flashes her a wink and a smile.

“How are you feeling?” Standing again, I reach behind me to scoot a chair closer to the side of her bed without letting go of her hand.

“I don’t know.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Numb, I guess. Dr. Bennett said I had a seizure caused by the tumor.”

I shake my head in disbelief, questioning if there was something more I could have done to prevent this from getting so out of hand.

“The team here is off deciding how to proceed. And I’m scared shitless because no matter which way they go, the fact remains that I still have a growth inside of me. A terrifying, egg-sized menace that stands to threaten my very existence and future.”

“Listen… Let’s try to stay in the present and not think too much about what could happen from here. Okay? We knowsomethingis coming, but we don’t know that it’s that big of a threat yet. Let’s not waste time fearing the what ifs.”

“Man, she’s really rubbing off on you…” Olivia snickers, and I’m grateful for it.

I’m not sure how to keep Kins from spiraling. I don’t even know where half of what I said just came from. Maybe Olivia is right.

“I just… Waiting sucks.” McKinsey groans.

Everyfuckinthing about this sucks.

“Well, at least we’re here now to help you pass the time.”

“Are you the armed guard?”The three of us turn our heads toward the pleasant voice coming from the hallway outside.

My eyes land on a doctor as she walks into McKinsey’s room, shuffling through papers in a patient file.

“Looks like you’ve got quite a crowd here, finally.” She looks between the hallway and me and Olivia. “Hi, I’m Dr. Reeves. It’s nice to meet you.”

McKinsey narrows her eyes at me, so I explain. “Royce and Atty are in the hall.”

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