Page 26 of Misery and Ecstasy

Yes.

No.

I don’t know.

What the hell am I doing? I need to fucking snap out of it.

“Well, it could be.”

Ordon’tsnap out of it and try to spin this as totally and completely acceptable behavior.

Good job, McK.

“We're talking about loss. I'm trying to figure out if you've never had a relationship because you're afraid of losing someone, or if you have been in a relationship and lost someone. If it's the latter, it could be contributing to your recent reckless behavior.”

He tears his eyes away from me before I can even finish my sentence. Crossing his arms again, his head falls as he drops his chin to his chest.

He’s hiding something. Something he’s ashamed of.

Unable to keep my curiosity in check and fully launching myself off the edge of the cliff of morality, I press further.

“Or is it something else? What's keeping you from getting close to someone, Draven?”

In a blink he stands, towering over me. His honey eyes are hard behind his narrowed lids as he works frantically to keep the emotion from his face.

“Look, Doc... Thanks for your time, but I don't really think this is going to work out.”

He turns and leaves the room. And if I wasn’t so terrified at my own behavior… If I didn’t think he deserves better than what I just pulled with him, I would have gone after him.

CHAPTER NINE

DRAVEN

Why the fuck does the doc have to be the one woman to make me feel this way?

Like my desire isn’t a sin.

Like I deserve to find happiness buried deep inside a tight pussy.

After I got home early this morning and into the shower, I quickly realized the guilt I felt at her house was nothing like the guilt I usually feel when I’m aroused. I think it was directed more toward being a voyeur to her intimate alone time.

I haven’t come so much or had as powerful of an orgasm since the day I lost my virginity. And it was the first time since then that my release wasn’t tainted.

And fuck, I want to feel that way again.

But I don’t know if I ever will.

I can’t go back to the doc. The way she was pushing me to talk about my past relationships… She almost made me blurt out everything I’ve kept locked inside of me since…Lillian.

Maybe that’s not a bad thing.

Ormaybeshe’ll confirm what a piece of shit I am. Over anyone else, for some reason, admitting to the doc what I did to Lillian feels like the worst kind of torture. And I’ve seen some pretty fucked-up shit in my life.

“Delilah,” Royce clears his throat. “Could you ask Draven to pass the mashed potatoes, please?”

A hush falls over the dinner table at the clubhouse as Royce drags out his silent treatment routine. He’s ignored my texts and calls all day. Refused to answer the door when I drove out to the shack earlier, too.

I can feel Delilah’s unease from beside me, so I shoot daggers at Royce for making her feel that way. He should know better. She may have become way more comfortable with us over the past three years, but she still doesn’t tolerate conflict well.

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