Page 83 of Misery and Ecstasy

As Mel gives him a summary of my symptoms and vitals, I watch his face shift from mild concern to full on alarm.

“Okay, thanks.” As Mel leaves, Dr. Bennett signals for us to stay put before he walks out of view. I hear him talking to someone briefly before coming back over to me.

“Daisy, let’s get her into CT right away,” he instructs the nurse at my head. “She’s high priority, so I had them move everyone else who’s waiting back. I want those results ASAP.”

“Got it.” The nurse jumps into action.

My stomach drops.

She’s friendly as she guides me through the halls, trying to keep my spirits up. But I don’t respond to her.

I can’t.

And it has nothing to do with the sluggishness I’m experiencing after whatever the fuck just happened.

The fear I felt at my house—which has been gnawing at me for the past week—resurfaces.

Back in my bedroom, it was awhat ifscenario.

Now, however, I don’t think there is any doubt that there’s something very, seriously wrong with me.

I kick myself for not demanding a scan at the hospital like Draven suggested.

I hate that I didn’t take my symptoms more seriously when the pain didn’t go away completely this past week.

But mostly, I’m angry for allowing any feelings to build between Draven and me in the first place.

If I would have been more professional and put a stop to it before anything happened, I wouldn’t have let him get too close.

I wouldn’t have allowed either of us to fall for one another.

And I wouldn’t be terrified to be just another person in his life that he’s lost.

* * *

Concern bleeds from the X-ray tech’s grim face as she wheels me out of the room and into the hallway to my nurse.

“She’s all done. Good luck to you, McKinsey.”

I didn’t think they were supposed to give any kind of indication of the results of a scan one way or another. But maybe my diagnosis is so abysmal, she just couldn’t keep the emotion off her face.

The muscle in my chest constricts as I’m once again wheeled back to the ER and into a room.

“Here we are. I got a message that you have some company waiting to see you. I’ll go grab them and bring them back here.”

“No, wait…” I struggle to swallow the nerves clogging my throat.

Daisy turns back to face me, her eyebrows raised expectantly.

“Um… Is it okay to tell them that I don’t have a room yet, or that I’m not allowed to have visitors at this time? Or just, hold off going out there and telling them anything?”

The skin between her eyes furrows with concern, but she doesn’t ask me any questions.

“Sure. Are you comfortable? I can get you another pillow or a heated blanket…”

“A blanket, please. Thank you.”

I’ll use anything I can to wrap myself in right now. I’d prefer Draven’s arms, but until I know what the hell is happening, I can’t face him. It may be selfish, but I can’t bear to see the hurt and worry on his face when he looks at me.

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