Page 29 of Misery and Ecstasy

“Ihad a dream about one of my patients last night…”

I’m helpless to keep the words from tumbling out of my mouth as my best friend, Olivia, joins me at the table.

Even if I tried to stay quiet about it, she knows me too well. She would have pulled the secret out of me one way or another.

“What?” She stops halfway to her seat. Her eyes grow wide, and she looks around as though making sure no one else in The Dover House Restaurant overheard my confession. “Um … who? And whatkindof dream?”

“I think you knowexactlywhat kind of dream.”

Her surprise gives way to excitement as the confirmation of my sex dream sinks in further. Finally, she finishes lowering herself into her chair.

“Oh my god…” Groaning, I cover my face with my hands as embarrassment burns into my skin.

“No, girl… Details, now.” Olivia reaches across the table and forces my hands from my face.

“I-I can’t explain it. He’s… He’s …dangerous. His therapy was court-ordered.”Sort of.“It’s not like he came to me of his own volition because he wants to better himself.”

I confess these things as though I’m trying to convincemyselfthat Draven is a bad guy more than I’m trying to convince Olivia, whose expression is too excited for my liking.

“Oooh… So he’s abad boy?”

“You can’t say that like it’s a good thing.” I laugh, despite being serious about what I said. “But I would be lying if I said I didn’t think he was good looking.”

With that, Olivia smiles.

“Well, dangerous bad boy or not, it’s about time you were intosomeoneagain. I was beginning to think you’d become asexual.”

“Oh, please. You know all about my trust issues.”

“No, I know.” Her smile fades slightly. “I’m just messing with you. It sucks that he’s not actual boyfriend material, though. We need to find you a good one.”

Yeah, if there is such a thing.

My track record with men can only be described as abysmal. I’ve been hurt in the past, but a lot of that is my own fault. Even with my education and my knowledge of human behavior and interaction, I haven’t allowed myself to invest my trust in anyone in a long time.

Not even myself.

I haven’t had the best male role models in my life either.

After Rick—my biological father—left Mom and me, she married my step-father, Alexander. He’s been a decent father figure. He shows he cares by providing for us, but he’s not really around.

A self-proclaimed workaholic, he has no desire to slow down anytime soon. He’s given Mom and me a lot, paid for all of my schooling, and cosigned the loan for the house I live in. He’s offered to pay for many more things—my mortgage included—but I won’t let him.

My practice brings in more money than I need, and I love the independence that gives me. I hate relying on anyone, no matter who it is. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that putting too much trust in someone gives them the power to destroy you. I know that providing for us financially is Alexander’s love language, but I don’t need a banker…

I need a father.

“So what are you seeing this patient for anyway?”

“Drinking and driving … basically. Nothing too crazy. He’s notthatbad of a guy.”

Now I really sound like the crazy one, from telling Olivia that he’s dangerous to backtracking and insisting he’s not really that bad.

It’s definitely myself I’m trying to convince here.

This 360-degree ride of emotions I’ve been on the past twenty-four hours is going to drive me insane.

More insane…

---