Page 13 of Misery and Ecstasy

I realize the more I tell the doc, the more she seems genuinely curious and not judgmental, so I continue. “Once Mom started getting sick, he stopped coming home at all. He would call her occasionally, but the calls were few and far between. He didn’t come to see her before she died two weeks ago. But he did show up to the luncheon following her funeral. Toward the end. I lost it…”

My gaze drops and becomes unfocused as I think back to that day. To the fury I felt when I saw him. The anger I still hold that’s currently gripping me like a vice.

“When you say you lost it…” Doc brings my attention back to her.

“I snapped. I attacked him in the middle of the bar. I unleashed two decades’ worth of rage and resentment on him.”

I pause, taking another sip of my coffee as I realize I was angry before seeing him. But the moment my punch landed on his jaw was the beginning of my most recent decline.

“I guess you could say that’s where it started—my behavior the past two weeks. That was the tipping point of my grief, and I’ve been in a spiral ever since. One that ended with me in jail last night.”

Uncrossing my leg, I plant both of my feet on the ground before sitting up in my chair and placing the mug on the table in front of me. Resting my elbows on my knees, I lower my head to my hands and rub my eyes.

Fuck.

“Tell me what happened after the fight with your brother.”

I take a moment, not ready to resume the conversation just yet. My chest feels tight again. Inhaling slowly, I hold it for a few seconds before letting it out, trying to make the feeling go away.

“Nothing really. We all just went home. I switched from beer to bourbon and didn’t put the bottle down for two weeks.”

Sitting back again, I rest my body against the cushion behind me.

“Do you drink often under normal circumstances?”

“No, here and there.”

“Why do you think you chose that path, then?”

Before I’m able to tell her I have no fucking idea, her cell phone starts ringing.

She pulls the phone from her pocket and looks at the screen. I don’t miss the annoyance that flashes in her eyes for a split second before she silences the call and places the phone on the arm of her chair.

“Sorry about that. I don’t usually have my phone on me during sessions, but I forgot to leave it in the other room before coming in here.”

“It’s okay. I don’t know how…” I was going to tell her I didn’t know how to answer her question anyway, but her phone starts ringing again, cutting me off.

“I’m so sorry.” She huffs as she stares at the phone screen. When she looks back at me, there is worry wrinkling the corners of her eyes. She rises from the chair. “Let me go deal with this for a minute. I’ll be right back.”

I nod, letting her know it’s fine. She was smart and took her notepad with her. Damn it. I was hoping this would be my chance to read it. I don’t know why I care, but I have to know what she’s writing about me on there. Has she already diagnosed me with something? Does she think I’m a terrible person?

Letting my mind wander, I avoid trying to come up with an answer to her last question. I allow my head to rest on the back of the sofa for a minute as lethargy steadily overwhelms my mind.

Shifting positions again, I lay my body across the expanse of the sofa. I’ll just rest until she gets back. Closing my eyes, I give in to the weight of my fatigue and let the sleep I’ve been craving overtake me.

CHAPTER SIX

MCKINSEY

Ipinch the bridge of my nose, another migraine brewing after speaking to my mother.

I love the woman. I do.

But she has been driving me absolutely bat-shit crazy the majority of my life. After Rick walked out on us when I was nine, she required 110 percent of my energy and attention. Even after she got remarried.

She’s bulldozed every boundary I’ve ever set with her. Including not jumping to conclusions when I don’t answer the phone the first time she calls. Despite not wanting to work with Draven, the responsible thing would have been for me to turn my phone off after the first time my mother called. I know better than to think she won’t call right back.

Speaking of Draven, I check the time and realize I’ve been gone for ten minutes.

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