Page 12 of Misery and Ecstasy

I ruined Lillian’s life.

“I didn’t.” Apparently, I still can’t utter the truth about what really happened. “I threw my energy into my schoolwork and helping my mom keep our farm running.”

I don’t miss the slight narrowing of the doc’s eyes before she looks back at her paper and starts writing again.

What the fuck is she thinking?

Why does it bother me?

“What are you writing?” I didn’t want to ask… I don’t want to come off sounding curious or weak. But I couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of me.

“Just making some notes so I don’t forget what we talk about.” She doesn’t take her attention from the paper as she finishes writing.

“Do I get to read your notes?”

This time she looks at me.

“My case notes are private, but I assure you, there’s nothing in them that we won’t discuss during our time together.”

“Got it.” I nod my head, but all she’s done is increase my curiosity. I guess I’ll have to find another way to read them.

“Tell me more about your family. Are you an only child?”

“No.”

She looks at me, waiting for me to continue, but I don’t. She sets down the pen and notepad, folding her hands in her lap.

“Draven, I know we have ninety days to work through whatever it is you’re dealing with, but it will be a lot easier and wildly more successful if you don’t force me to drag every last bit of information from you.”

I laugh inwardly at her irritation. The way she cocks her eyebrow as she allows attitude to seep into her words. Commanding participation from me.

It’s kind of cute, and I feel the corner of my lips twitch slightly.

It’s the only time I’ve ever been this remotely interested in a woman’s reaction. In her mannerisms. A fact that unnerves me and one that sends a phantom tingle to my hands.

“Technically, I have a brother.” Before she gets a chance to ask a follow up question, I restate my answer more clearly. “I have a brother who I recently disowned.”

“See, that wasn’t hard.” With another cock of her brow, she throws my taunt from earlier right back at me.

She raises her other eyebrow now, silently imploring me to continue.

Still feeling beaten down and no longer possessing the energy to put up a fight, I grip the back of my neck and give in.

“Mitchell and I used to be really close. He was one of my best friends up until we lost our father. It caused a bit of a rift in our relationship. It was small at first, but it grew over time. Being the older brother, I stepped in to the role of man of the house, and in his eyes, we were no longer equals.”

“He didn’t like you parenting him.”

“He didn’t, no. And I didn’t either, but all I was trying to do was keep everything running as smoothly as it did when Dad ran the ship.”

“Did you guys argue a lot because of it?”

“No. Actually, it was the complete opposite.” I can already feel the knot growing in my throat as I recall the moment my relationship with my brother changed. “We rarely spoke at all after a while. We each did what we needed to do, in school and at home. We were both good students. That’s not something that faltered in the wake of Dad’s murder. But the family dynamic couldn’t be saved. He graduated from high school two years after I did. He made no mention of going away to college until a week before he left for Cal State.”

I yawn again before taking another sip of my coffee while she recommences her note scribbling.

“Apparently, he’d been awarded several academic scholarships. Those and the federal aid he was granted helped him pay for all four years. He rarely came home. It tore Mom apart. And it tore me apart to witness the pain his absence caused her.”

At the mention of my mother, my chest begins to ache. I place a hand over my sternum and press into it, hoping to relieve some of the pressure.

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