Page 111 of Misery and Ecstasy

The wordforeverstill rings in my ears, and I swear to God, it will be tattooed on my soul for the rest of my life.

The clock is barely moving.

Even with the nurses calling my cell phone at regular intervals with updates, time feels like it’s been standing still.

Well, theywerecalling. Every half hour, but that stopped after hour five. I haven’t heard from them since. I keep pulling my phone out of my pocket and staring at it, willing it to ring. I’m following Kins’s progress closely on the tracking monitor on the wall, but it hasn’t moved.

One by one, I’ve seen every other patient’s status on that board cycle through from pre-op to OR to post-op.

But not Kins.

Breathing deeply, I stand and pop a new piece of gum into my mouth before doing a lap around the room. I have to work out my worry somehow. Even I know I won’t be able to throw a tantrum here and get away with it.

I’m not even sure I have the energy or the fight in me right now. I feel thoroughly battered and beaten down.

I focus on each member of my family as I pass them by, beyond grateful they’re here for us. For my girl.

Zephyr and Chubbs are asleep on two of the bench seats at the far end of the room. Saxon is sitting with his eyes closed and his head tilted back against the wall as he continues blindly shuffling the cards he brought with him. Royce has been watching over Firewall’s shoulder since this morning. He loves seeing what he can do, and Firewall isn’t shy about showing off his skills either.

I glance at everyone else before I round the last turn, circling the middle row of chairs.

During the final stretch, I stop and take a seat across from Atticus.

“What’s good?” Putting his book down, he gives me his attention.

“Nothing. I’m just going a little fucking crazy. They said the surgery takes between four and six hours. It’s been almost six and a half, and I’m starting to panic.”

“No news is good news, Draven.” Olivia looks up from her computer, compassion shining in her eyes.

“She’s right.” Atticus agrees with her.

I know that, but that doesn’t make waiting any easier.

“Want to read my book to help pass the time?”

“No. Thanks anyway.” I get up with a sigh, walking off to reclaim my original spot in front of the progress monitor.

Leaning over, I press the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to rub the irritation from them.

When I regain my vision, I see Cheryl has moved from her seat to the one next to me. I wait for her to say something. To use this time to get out whatever negative shit that’s been eating away at her these past few days.

I thought we were headed in a semi-civil direction, but maybe I was wrong?

Pulling my gum from my pocket again, I add another piece to what I’m already chewing. I feel like whatever reason she’s here will require extra.

She shocks the shit out of me by placing a hand on my knee.

Maybe adding the extra piece of gum was a mistake.

Are hallucinations a side effect of this shit?

“You love my girl.” It’s not a question.

I stare at her for a second, chomping as politely as possible, working the gum between my teeth.

“I do.”

She nods softly, removing her hand from my leg.

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