Page 107 of Misery and Ecstasy

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

MCKINSEY

I’ve barely had a moment to think since we left Dr. Faust’s office yesterday.

And that’s how I prefer it.

The more time I have to think, the higher the chances are that I’ll fucking hyperventilate into oblivion and never recover.

After we got home, the club—Draven, mostly—seemed driven to keep my mind off everything related to my cancer and today’s surgery. There was someone around us at all times, talking to me, keeping me occupied with outrageous stories of the ridiculous things they’ve done, checking on me to make sure I didn’t need anything.

They drained me of all my energy until I passed out on the sofa. I’m pretty sure that was their goal. I woke up this morning, wrapped around Draven’s naked body in our bed.

Laying in his strong arms, I wanted so much to believe that I’d woken up from a nightmare. That all of this was some terrible dream. Briefly, I allowed myself to journey between the best memories we’ve made together.

To the times when my stubbornness made him laugh, the cadence like fucking music to my ears. When I’ve basked in the glow of his smile as it warmed me in a way no one and nothing ever has before. When he’s filled me so deliciously, taking me to the edge of ecstasy before grabbing hold of me and throwing both of us over that precipice.

I yearned to roll over and let Draven make love to me until we passed out again.

Until the thumping in my head returned, bringing me back to my bleak reality.

After that, it seemed like everyone woke up all at once. Suddenly, the quiet house was a flurry of people coming and going, grabbing toast or a bagel on their way to the next thing they needed to do before they could leave.

It was like that one scene inHome Alonewhere they’re packing the night before their trip, and there are 1,001 things going on at once.

Then we were all back on the road, headed to Baltimore. This time with my mom, Alexander, and Olivia in tow.

Marissa wanted to be here, but her schedule is now packed with all of my patients she’s taken on. I will be forever grateful to her for caring for them until I’m able to again—if I’m able to again. She promised to come visit as soon as she can.

Olivia and Mom packed a bag for me. I’m not sure what’s in it. It’s hard to say what I’ll need when I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Dr. Faust swore up and down after my pre-op yesterday that this procedure is standard for them. But the fact of the matter remains—they’re carving into my fucking skull today, and there are no assurances that can be given to make that easier to stomach.

We’re all piled into the neurosurgical waiting area on the third floor of the hospital. There are several other families here, also waiting with their loved ones. But since they’re in groups of two to four people while we’re rolling fourteen deep, the looks we’re receiving are anywhere from horrified to plain pissed off.

I don’t blame them; it’s absolute chaos in here.

Saxon is muttering only God knows what to Ronin, Zephyr, and Chubbs as he shuffles a deck of cards in his hands, the four of them in the middle of a rowdy game of poker.

Crew, Royce, and Firewall are huddled together in hushed conversation in a corner of the room.

Toga and Rocco are cycling between laughter and odd, animated hand movements every now and then.

The only one of Draven’s brothers who is quiet is Atticus who isn’t paying attention to anything but the book in his hands. And, curiously, gazing at Olivia from time to time. She’s sitting two seats away from him, silently working. I feel really bad about how much time she’s taken off lately. She tries to assure me it’s not a big deal, reminding me that there’s a reason she gets vacation days.

Draven, my mother, and Alexander fill the seats around me, but we haven’t spoken much.

I watch as a man from one of the other families gets up and leaves the room in a huff. He returns a few minutes later with the registrar we checked in with when we first got here.

“Hello,” she greets the patients on the far side of the room. “I’m going to ask everyone over here to please come with me to the other waiting area.”

All the guys quiet down and watch as they leave. Before she closes the door, she tentatively approaches Draven.

I hold my breath, thinking she’s going to tell us that everyone needs to leave. I really hope we haven’t just fucked with my chances of being seen today. It’s bad enough they’re already squeezing me in.

“Since your party is so large, we’re going to keep this waiting area cordoned off from everyone else.”

She seems nervous, her eyes darting around the room like she’s thinking about what to say next. I feel bad for her. I know how it feels to come face-to-face with this group of people for the first time.

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