Page 106 of Misery and Ecstasy

“No question. I would do the surgery.”

Pulling my lip through my teeth, I nod.

“Surgery it is, then.”

He looks at Kins to make sure she’s on board, smiling when she bobs her chin and hums in agreement.

“I was hoping you’d be amenable to my suggestion. It’s why I’ve already had a conversation with our team, which includes one of the top neurosurgeons in the world. We’re all in agreement that surgery is indicated in McKinsey’s case.”

When Kins glances at me, my chest constricts, suddenly stricken by anxiety over this huge decision.

“What kind of time frame are we looking at?” I shift nervously in my seat, wiping the sweaty palm of my free hand down the denim of my jeans.

“We scheduled your pre-op appointment for one o’clock today. As long as everything checks out and you’re deemed healthy enough, we’ll bring you back in tomorrow morning at seven o’clock for surgery.”

Before the information has a chance to set in, I hear McKinsey struggling to suck air into her lungs. My hand immediately drops from her shoulders to her back, delicately rubbing it to try to help her relax.

“Hey… Shh… It’s okay, Kins.”

I hear Dr. Faust press a couple buttons before asking Ronda to bring us some water.

“It’s … just … a-a lot.” Kins is practically hyperventilating as I try my best to keep myself from falling apart with her. “Everything’s happening … so fast.”

“I know… I know.” I can’t think of anything to say to her that could make her feel better. Not when it feels like there’s a brick in the bottom of my stomach.

In no time, Ronda flies into the room and hands me a bottle of water. Opening it, I hold it up for Kins to take a sip.

“I’m going to give you guys some privacy. I won’t press forward with the pre-op until I hear from you first and you tell me if it’s a go. Okay? Take all the time you need.”

Lifting my chin to the doc, I don’t take my attention off of Kins.

“Hey, come here.” I pull her into my arms then walk her over to the sofa. “Why don’t you lay back and try to catch your breath.”

I have no fucking idea if this will help. I’m at a complete loss. Thankfully, she listens to me, and after a few minutes, her breathing slows.

“I’m sorry.” My heart hurts to see tears spring to her eyes again. I wipe them away for her, but they just keep coming.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Kins.” She sits up and leans forward. With her elbows digging into her knees, she supports her head in her hands, looking absolutely miserable. “Look, if you don’t want to do the surgery, I’m not going to force you. I just think we need to throw everything we can at this. It’s our best shot.”

“No, I know.” Bawling, she wipes her eyes and sniffles. “I know it is.”

Suddenly, she sits up straight and wiggles her body as though she’s trying to shake some sense into herself.

“Let’s do it. God, I’m fucking terrified … but I’m going to be regardless of which treatment option we pick.”

Her voice is still thick with tears, contradicting the strength beginning to surface in her features. Closing her eyes, she takes a few deep breaths to calm herself down, and when she looks at me again, there is determination burning in her eyes.

“Go get Dr. Faust. Tell him I’m ready.”

Cupping her face in my hands, I look past her velvet-brown eyes and straight into her soul, like I’m trying to etch my feelings into her permanently, so she can never forget how I feel about her.

“Kins… I love you, you know that? Today. Tomorrow. Forever.”

My declaration pulls more tears from her eyes, but I’m pretty sure these are happier ones.

“I love you, Mac.” My heart swells the moment my name leaves her lips. “I love you more than I ever thought I was capable of loving someone.”

With a sob, she fists my shirt in her palms and leans in, kissing me as though it will be the last time.

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