Page 113 of Injustice and Absolution

Touching me.

Pinning me under the full burden of his weight.

Pushing inside of me.

Choking me.

Spreading me.

Pinching me.

The memories are too much to bear, and I fall to the floor, tucking myself into the fetal position at Drew’s feet. Left questioning everything he’s ever said to me.

Everything he’s ever done or made me do.

Every time he’s ever told me he’s loved me.

The first time was when he was trying to convince me to move in with him. He followed his words with the most earth-shattering love making. He’s been using his touch as a means to make me more agreeable to his every whim since the very beginning.

After that, I only recall him rewarding me with the three little words I craved hearingafterI’d performed for him.

After he begged me to strip privately for him.

After giving the stranger the lap dance.

After getting naked on stage for a roomful of strangers all for the sake of restoring his happiness in me.

When his glee over my actions, regardless of whether I wanted to perform the task or not, was at its pinnacle.

Because he knows how fucking hard up I am for it.

For love.

It’s become an obsession the more my mind tries to convince me I’ll never be worthy of it.

I won’t pretend I know the first thing about love, but this can’t be how you treat someone you care that much for. It doesn’t make sense.

But it’s how my father treated me… He told me he loved me all the time.

If thisislove, I’m not sure I want it.

If this is love, then why does everyone else seem so happy?

Is it different for everyone?

Why do some get epic tales of devotion while others get shit on?

Royce never told me he loved me, and maybe I should be thankful for it. He hurt me, but never like this. Never like my father.

I should have kept my mouth shut and done what Drew asked until I was able to get as far away from him as possible. Realizing exactly how deep into his clutches I am, I don’t know that I’ll ever get the chance now.

My body trembles and shudders as I shed large, sloppy tears and mutter unintelligibly. Even I have no idea what I’m trying to say.

Am I begging Drew for forgiveness?

Am I begging him to let me go?

Am I begging him to kill me and put me out of my misery?

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