Page 102 of The Devil's Weakness

Carson: Well, if you would stop stringing the Boy Scout along and filling him with false hope of reconciliation, then maybe he wouldn’t have come to your rescue.

His words cut through me. I didn’t do it on purpose.

Right?

No, I’m not going to allow him to pump doubt into my head about how I’ve treated Steve. I’ve leaned on him for help, but I’veneverled him on.

Carson: Unless that’s why you keep him around? Maybe you get off on the good boy act just as much as you do when you ride my cock?

Me: Fuck. You.

I’m shaking, I’m so enraged. Hot, angry tears slide down my cheeks as I wonder how true his statement could be. I never considered the fact that I could be keeping Steve close while also keeping him at arm's length. If that’s what I’ve been doing, it hasn’t been purposeful, but I suddenly feel a heavy weight of guilt pulling me down.

Carson: Look, let’s start over before this conversation gets too far out of hand.

Me: No. It’s too late for that.

Carson: It’s not.

Me: It goes back to what I said to you at the diner earlier this week. We’re too different. Trying to fit in each other’s lives is like trying to force a square peg through a round hole. You can push and push, but no matter how hard you try, it's never going to fit.

Me: We’re never going to fit.

I see the dots appear again as he types whatever he thinks it is that’s going to get me to change my mind this time. No matter what it is, it won’t work.

We won’t work.

The dots disappear, but no response is provided. I wait a few more minutes, but still nothing.

Finally, I get up from the sofa and hop into the shower.

Once I’m finished drying off and getting dressed, I hear the lock turn in my front door from all the way back in my room. Thinking it’s Michael, I run toward it, but then I remember he doesn't have a key.

It can’t be him.

Just before I reach the door, it opens, and Blade is standing in the doorway, the vivid sunset streaming in from behind him. It looks like a painting. Before I get lost in it’s beauty, as well as the man in front of me, I take a deep breath.

“Stop,” I order him. “Please don’t come in.”

I silently tell myself I'll need another new doorknob in the next few days, so he can't get in whenever he wants anymore.

Surprisingly, he listens to me and stays out.

“Sasha, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.”

I sigh.

“Prior to our conversion, that would have been all I needed to hear from you, Blade. But it’s too late. I knew this wasn’t going to work.” I gesture between the two of us.

Before I can continue, he interrupts me.

“No. The only thing it's too late for, is turning back. I’ve waited two long years to be with you. Now that I have, there’s no going back.”

“Relationships shouldn’t be this hard, Blade. We started out rocky—light-years past rocky. I thought we were heading in the right direction. But between last night and this most recent conversation… it just reaffirms how bad we are for each other.”

“You’re wrong, and you know it.”

He takes one step further into my house, and I can feel my willpower deteriorating. I place my arm out, keeping him from coming in any further. He grabs my hand and holds it to his chest, and I can feel his heart beating rapidly.

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