Page 90 of Octane

I don’t leave right away. I can’t stand the thought of her being out of my reach after finally having her in my arms again.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

JACKSON

Icouldn’t sleep last night, unable to get the panicked look on Sawyer’s face out of my head. I know she didn’t mean it when she said she didn’t want me, but she knew saying that would render me useless long enough for her to get inside.

There are a thousand emotions coursing through me right now. I’m enraged by the entire situation. I’m sad and concerned for Sawyer.

Am I angry with her?

Yes.

No.

I don’t know.

I don’t want to be, but I don’t think she’s giving herself enough credit at the moment. Or me. Together, we could get her away from Daniel once already. Sawyer not trusting that I can help her now as well, drives me insane.

I get to the deli thirty minutes early just to make sure I am here when she arrives. At five minutes past eleven, I worry that she’s not going to show, but then I see her standing on the sidewalk, waiting to cross the street.

“Hey,” I wrap my arms around her when she gets here, and my heart breaks a little when she doesn’t return it.

She sits at one of the outdoor tables, and I pull a chair around and have a seat directly in front of her. I rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. Her expression is eerily similar to my aunt’s face when she told me my mother died, and it scares the shit out of me.

“Sawyer, that look on your face worries me.”

“I owe you an explanation, I know that.” She looks at the ground as she speaks, her fingers playing with the zipper of her hoodie.

Just then a server comes out and hands us some menus. I take them from her and place them on the table, irritated that she’s interrupting.

“Can we just have a few minutes, please?” I ask her, trying not to lose my temper. She’s only doing her job.

“Sure, just holler when you’re ready,” she instructs.

Once she’s gone, I continue speaking to Sawyer.

“I just want to understand. You’ve come to me with problems before, and we’ve solved them together. I don’t see how it could be any different this time.

“He—” she stops, and I notice she’s considering her words very carefully.

“Sawyer, I can’t find words to express how truly awful I feel for not going with my gut that night at the hotel. Something didn’t seem quite right to me, but I thought I was just being too overprotective.”

The stoic mask she’s wearing is fighting to tear itself from her face as anguish shines through her beautiful blue eyes.

“I’ve never been angrier with myself than I am right now, but at no time did it cross my mind that he might’ve followed you across the country in order to drag you back into his darkness.”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since I got home.” She says home as though the word in acid, telling me she doesn’t like the sound of it. She hates the idea of it.

“I don’t think that I gave my relationship with Daniel the effort that it deserves these past few years. I needed to come home and give it one more chance to see if we can salvage it.”

Her words blow my mind. She doesn’t believe them, I can tell by the way she struggles to get them out.

“No,” I bite my lip and shake my head at her. “I think you put more effort into the lies that just came out of your mouth than you’re ever going to put into your bogusrelationship. Why are you protecting him?”

“I’m not lying, Jackson.” Her eyes leave mine and turn to the ground. “I need to give this a chance.”

Fine. New tactic.

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