Page 89 of With Love

Adrienne

When I finish showering and getting dressed, I find Owen in the same position on his bed. Still sensing tension, I just sit down on my bed and watch the movie that he has on. I don’t want to make things worse between us.

When the movie ends, all I want is for him to roll over and talk to me. But he doesn’t. He starts surfing through the 12 available channels for something else to watch. I try to think of something to do or something to say to fill the awkward silence between us. Something that I never felt the need to do when I was with Marshall.

After sitting through several episodes of Three’s Company I decide that I can’t take the silence between us any longer.

“I guess I didn’t realize that being on the run would be so boring.” Realizing what I just said, I try to explain what I meant. “I mean-- I’m sorry, that didn’t-- that’s not what I meant.”

“Adrienne, relax. I know what you meant,” he sits up and faces me. “I’m sorry for being such a dick earlier. You’re right, being on the run isn’t any fun. I did it for a long time and I don’t want to have to do it again.”

“Is that how you ended up working for Lock?” I asked him this question before, but he would always change the subject. I knew that he had to have done something serious to end up in Lock’s employ. The only people who worked for him were either as psychotic as he was or needed protection.

Just as I think that he is going to change the subject again, he surprises me.

“I didn’t ever want to tell you this. I didn’t want you to think poorly of me or be afraid of me.”

“Owen, it’s me.”

“Before working for Lock, I was a Corporal in the Army. I was stationed in Afghanistan. My unit was my family and my Sergeant was like the father that I never had. He took me under his wing and taught me everything he knew.

“One night, he took me out on special patrol. I was so excited. This was a mission that only the higher ranking soldiers were ever able to take part in. It was a real “Boy’s Club” and it was something that all of the lower ranking soldiers yearned to be part of. There were seven of us in all that night. We scouted the area around our base before heading further out to the edge of town. While we were out there, we found two teenagers.

“My Sergeant broke it up and scared the boy off,” he stops and clears his throat. I sit up so I am facing him and we are knee-to-knee on the edge of our beds. He is bent over slightly, his hands clasped together, his elbows on his knees. I put my hands around his, comforting him.

“The boy ran off, but he made the girl stay. Two of the soldiers forced her down onto her knees as my Sergeant started to undo his belt. I was beside myself. I couldn’t believe it. I argued with him to stop. That it wasn’t right. I tried to take him down, but he was a lot stronger than I was. I only got one punch in before I was wrestled to the ground by the other soldiers. They held me down while my Sergeant beat the shit out of me before raping the girl and forcing me to watch the whole thing.

“A few days later, I took my Sergeant by surprise and killed him. No one could prove it, but the 5 other soldiers that were on mission with us that night knew. Once we flew back to the states, before they had a chance to make their case, I went AWOL. I was either going to be placed on death row or live the rest of my life in Leavenworth. There was no way that I was going to be given a fair trial, so I ran the first chance I got.

“I ended up here in Pennsylvania doing odd jobs. I got an in with a guy who owned a construction company. We became close. He told me about Lock. His brother got into some trouble and needed protection. He wasn’t supposed to know about Lock at all, but his brother stayed in contact with him when he would have to go out on assignment. One day he took me back to Lock’s with him.”

“What did you guys do when you were “on assignment”?” I ask him. I’ve always been curious, but unsure that I really wanted to know.

“Sometimes we scouted for new recruits. Often times we were sent out to talk to those who owed Lock something. Whether it be service or payment of some kind. There wasn’t any kind of grace period allowed.”

“Oh,” I say, realizing that Owen has probably killed more than one person before. Or at least hurt people. I can’t ask him about it. I don’t want him to confirm what I already know is true.

“Are you hungry yet? We can grab some crappy diner food from next door. Maybe start off with a decadent plate of soggy gravy fries. Followed by a main course of overcooked hamburger,” he says as if he’s talking about a three-course meal at a fancy restaurant. “Oooh… they probably have pie too. Isn’t pie a diner staple?”

I roll my eyes playfully as my stomach rumbles.

“Guess that’s a yes. Come on,” he hold his hands out for me to grab onto. Lifting me off of the bed, he gives me a hug. “I really am sorry about earlier. And about what happened with Marshall. I’m here for you. Always have been, always will be.”

I smile up at him.

“I know. Thank you,” I squeeze him a little before letting go and getting my shoes and jacket on.

* * *

Later that night, while listening to the sounds of Owen’s steady breathing, I’m once again wide awake. I keep going through the time that Marshall and I spent together over and over and over in my head, searching for a sign or a clue that I missed along the way. Anything that could make me believe that he and Lucy were together. But there’s nothing. It’s killing me not to be able to talk to Lucy. She holds so many answers. Giving up on trying to make sense of everything, I finally let sleep take me over.

If you have to spend that much time making yourself believe something, then that should tell you everything that you need to know.

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