Page 7 of No Time Off

Just then another car arrived and parked besides the limousine, followed by a second limo that parked on the street.

Mick’s heart began to beat hard. He suddenly had a hunch what the plan was, and he didn’t like it one bit.

Not one single bit.

FIVE

Lexi

It was Operation Honeymoon Go time.

Our family and friends assembled in our dimly lit dining room at this godforsaken hour of the morning to see us off on our honeymoon in the most unusual and craziest way ever. Everyone agreed that this adventure was “so us,” whatever that meant.

Everyone was dressed in black and wore dark hats or scarves to make it difficult to distinguish features. Currently present were my best friend, Basia, her husband, Xavier, his twin, Elvis, and Elvis’s fiancée, Gwen. My mom and dad were also here, as were our close friends, Hands, and his girlfriend, Gray. My brothers, Rock and Beau, and Beau’s girlfriend, Bonnie, also stood ready to assist. Finally, my boss, Finn, and two of my interns, Wally and Angel (who was also Gwen’s younger sister), were partaking in the shenanigans. It truly took a village just to get us to the airport for our honeymoon.

Finn leaned against the door frame, sipping coffee from a travel mug and making jokes in a heavy Irish brogue to keep things light. Angel and Wally stood nearby, laughing at every bad joke he made.

“Don’t encourage him,” I warned them. “He’ll never stop.”

Finn, his eyes twinkling, lifted his coffee mug at me in a mock toast. “Ye dare challenge an Irishman telling a joke?” he asked, laying the accent on thick. “Angel, lass, have you heard this one? Why don’t ye ever iron a four-leaf clover?”

Angel thought for a moment and then shook her head. “I don’t know. Why?”

“Because ye don’t want to press your luck.”

She and Wally broke out in peals of laughter. I rolled my eyes at Finn, who grinned and gave me a thumbs-up before I headed upstairs to one of our guest bedrooms. Slash and I had set aside two rooms for changing into the disguises we’d need to pull this operation off, mostly suits, hats, and wigs for the so-called limo drivers and porters. There were multiple decoys for me and for Slash. The rest would be chauffeurs or porters, all to keep things moving along smoothly.

All the decoys were dressed in black. Black pants, black shirts, and even black shoes. Dark shades, ball caps or beanies, and scarves wound up to the nose completed the look. We wanted the decoys as indistinguishable as possible.

Basia had ordered special shoes and long brown wigs for my decoys. She managed some fabulous and creative silhouetting to make the women look remarkably similar to my height and shape. It had only taken one fitting before she turned them each into me.

For Slash’s decoys, Basia worked her magic adding stuffing, belting, padding, and foam to create silhouettes that were comparable to Slash. She also had also bought a few toupees to match Slash’s dark hair. We all got a good laugh seeing how the toupees looked on the decoys, especially on Hands. Gray could barely breathe, she was laughing so hard.

Finally, it was time to put the last touches on my outfit. Basia led me to one of the bedrooms to finalize the look.

“Do you really think this will work?” she asked while fussing with my hair, pinning it in a million places to get it to stay put under the porter’s hat.

“Slash is thorough in his planning,” I responded. “I wouldn’t bet against him.”

“I wouldn’t, either. You deserve the time away and the honeymoon you want without having to dodge those piranhas all the time. It stinks that you have to go to all this trouble just to get away. But my sixth sense tells me that this honeymoon is destined to be special.”

“I couldn’t agree more. It seems like we’ve all been under the microscope for months, even though it’s only been a matter of weeks.”

She finished pinning my hair just as Gray opened the door and strolled inside. She did a twirl with her hands held out. “So, do I look sufficiently Lexi-like?”

“Actually, you need to walk a bit more awkwardly,” I advised. “I only wish I walked like you.”

Gray laughed, fluffing her brown wig. “Don’t be ridiculous, Lexi. But I’ll tell you one thing, this wig is incredibly hot.”

“I bought the cheap versions, okay?” Basia said, with bobby pins still clenched in her teeth. “You only have to wear it for a short time.”

“Not complaining,” Gray said. “I’m just glad it’s not a permanent thing. Hands said the same thing about his fake hair.”

Elvis peeked his head in the door, dressed sharply as a chauffeur. “Are you wizards ready yet? Dumbledore wants to know.”

He referred to Slash, I presumed. Elvis had started calling our plan the Mad-Eye Moody Escape. It was funny because Slash had no idea what he was talking about, as he’d not yet had the time to read the Harry Potter books or see the movies. But I’d done both, and I knew the principle of decoy was sound: Deploy one more Lexi and Slash pairs than the paparazzi had the resources to follow. Then Slash had added one more twist, and another.

Mom swept into the bedroom, squeezing past Elvis in the doorway. She looked like a dead ringer for me now that her blond hair was covered by a brown wig. “Another day and another adventure with my quiet, unassuming daughter. Oh, wait, that’s not you anymore. You’re always off saving the world. Did you know your father is wearing his bulletproof vest today, just in case.”

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