Page 96 of No Vow Broken

I tried to soften my tone. “I apologize that the invitation for us to meet came so unexpectedly and without much time for preparation. I know you have a busy schedule, so I appreciate that you agreed to come this distance on such short notice.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “Nothing in my schedule is more important than this.” She flushed slightly and her fingers wrapped around the glass’s stem again, perhaps to steady herself. I felt shaky myself. This was even harder than I thought it would be.

I glanced at Lexi and she smiled encouragingly, but said nothing. Why would she? This was my show. She hadn’t even pressed me as to why I wanted her there. Why did I? I’d handled far more tense, delicate, and dangerous negotiations by myself. But few of them had actively involved my heart or the people I loved. I appreciated her support, and her presence steadied me. This emotional minefield was completely new territory for me, especially since I excelled at operating alone. But one thing I’d learned from recent events was that concealing my weaknesses and past from those I cared about could sabotage the things that mattered most to me.

I didn’t ever want to risk that again.

It had come full circle. I’d hidden my past from Lexi and hurt her deeply, but when it came to light, she forgave me. Father Armando hid my past from me, hurting me, but once it was revealed, I forgave him. Lilith Burbridge had placed me in the arms of Father Armando when I was just a few days old. I’d made the decision to move forward with a relationship with her, but would I actually forgive her?

Could I?

“I realize this is a difficult and sensitive situation,” I started. “The last time we spoke, I wasn’t prepared for the turn the conversation took about our…connection.” While I’d been preparing for that conversation all my life, it hadn’t gone at all as I’d rehearsed it in my mind. “I promised you I’d think about your proposal to get to know each other, and I have. I’d like to move forward with that if you’re still amenable to that possibility.”

Her shoulders visibly relaxed, and she closed her eyes for a moment, perhaps to compose herself. “Thank you,” she finally said. “I’m more than amenable to that.”

“I thought we could start slowly, perhaps meet once a month for coffee or dinner. That would provide us with the opportunity to talk some and get to know one another.”

“I would love that,” Lilith said. “I will let you initiate our meetings whenever you are ready and available to do so. I understand that relationships take time and trust needs to be earned. It would be wonderful if that happened, of course, but I expect, given our particular circumstances, I suspect we’ll be a work in progress for some time.”

I liked her answer—honest, transparent, and thoughtful. And I also happened to agree with her. So, I answered with equal honesty. “I’m not sure where this will lead, Lilith, or even what I want to happen. I’m still processing the situation and suspect I will for some time. But I appreciate the fact that you are giving me the space to figure it out.”

“There is no rush or timetable,” she said. “Take as much time as you need.”

I took a sip of my wine, considering my reply. “Intellectually, I understand what you did and why you did it. But it isn’t translating into trust, and I’m not sure it ever will.”

She flinched slightly, as if my words physically affected her. Maybe they did. If I hadn’t been a trained negotiator, I’m not sure I would have even noticed. But I did.

“I understand and I accept that,” she replied. “However, I’m not the same person I was back then. I don’t expect to ever fill the position of your mother in your heart. That place is already taken. I’m also not looking for recognition or platitude. What I desire most is your forgiveness, as well as acceptance for who I am now, and perhaps a friendship. I don’t necessarily expect or deserve to get any of those things, but I remain hopeful.”

Forgiveness. There was that word, echoed again and again by the pope, Father Armando, and perhaps even my father through his two close friends. Her words tugged at my heart, and I had to clear my throat again before I continued.

“I think those are reasonable goals. Let me extend the first olive branch by asking if you’re available to attend our wedding tomorrow. I apologize again for the late notice, but things have been a little busy here lately.”

She looked up as hope and surprise blossomed across her face. “You’d like for me to attend your wedding?”

I nodded. “If you’re available, Lexi and I would both like you to attend. I’m not handling this well by springing this on you when you’re unprepared, due to no fault of your own, but the offer stands. If you agree, I’ll arrange for you to stay at the hotel another night, and I’ll clear it with the Secret Service.”

“I’d be delighted to attend,” she said quickly, as if afraid I might change my mind. “I’ll return home to pick up some clothes and personal items and be back before midnight.”

Something warm settled in my heart at her acceptance. It wasn’t all encompassing, but it was a start. An important start.

Lilith stood and looked at both Lexi and me. This time the smile on her face reached her eyes. “Thank you so much for extending the invitation to your wedding and the olive branch. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.”

I could feel the sincerity in her words and, again, I felt an unexpected tug of emotion. I tipped my head. “I know you do.”

She picked up her purse and then hesitated as if wondering whether she should offer her hand or try to give us a hug to conclude the discussion. In the end, she did neither. Instead, she smiled one more time and left the bar, leaving Lexi and me alone at the table.

I exhaled and leaned back in my chair, threading my fingers behind my neck. “How do you think it went?”

Lexi sipped her wine, watching me thoughtfully. “I’m proud of you, Slash. I know how nervous you were and how difficult it was for you to offer that branch. But the real question is, how doyoufeel?”

“I’m not sure,” I answered. “I still have a lot to unpack with her. It does lighten my heart to go into our marriage at least trying to face it head-on. Thank you for being here while I spoke with her.” I reached across the table and took her hand, squeezing it gratefully. “I appreciate your support.”

“Thank you for including me. I’m sure Father Armando and the Holy Father will be pleased to see her at the wedding.”

“They will, indeed.”

She finished off her wine, setting it on the table. “I guess you having this conversation with Lilith means they’re really good at their jobs. If they could get someone as stubborn as you to take that first step, think what they can do with the multitudes.”

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