Page 69 of No Escape

“Can I practice on you until then?” she asked hopefully, her eyes lighting up again. “Please?”

Oh, jeez. No, no, no. Why me?

I sighed inwardly and forced a smile. “Sure. Of course, Mia. You can practice on me until then.”

“Great!” A smile crossed her face, and her arms dropped from her chest. “Thank you so much. Now, where were we?”

Resigned, I pointed to the Virgin Mary. “The prank. The statue.”

“Oh, yes. The Virgin Mary,” Mia explained. “You recognized her and you’re not even Catholic…at least, that’s what Vittoria said Gio told her.”

I tried to figure that out, but Mia had already moved on. “What that means is that everything is as perfect as spaghetti on, well, any day. Just kidding, Lexi. You don’t need to correct me. I just made that one up. Anyway, my family has been teasing Vittoria because she got pregnant before the wedding. I said she should have told our parents the baby was the result of an immaculate conception to preserve their perception of her as an innocent one. All has turned out for the best with Gio, of course, but it’s the perfect way to prank her. It’ll be so much fun.”

I didn’t think it would be fun at all, but I didn’t want Mia to accuse me of being a wet blanket again, so I kept my mouth shut.

“It’s going to be brilliant, Mia,” Alessa said, confirming my suspicion I was clueless regarding fun pranks. “Let’s carry on.”

Mia and Alessa kicked off their shoes, climbed into the fountain, and began tugging on the statue.

“What are you doing?” I asked, flabbergasted.

“We’re going to nick the statue,” Alessa said. “To be more specific, we’re going to temporarily relocate the statue to Gio and Vittoria’s bedroom. Then we’ll hang a sign around the neck that says in Italian, ‘This is the church-approved way to get pregnant before marriage.’”

“Won’t that besofunny?” Mia asked, giggling.

Alessa must have noticed the horrified expression on my face, because she sought to reassure me. “We’ll put it back. We discovered the statue is hollow, so it’s light enough for Mia and me to carry it. It will be just a bit unwieldy. We’re going to take it up to Gio and Vittoria’s room after everyone has gone down to dinner. We’ll bring it upstairs through a side door away from the main entrance. Mia has already propped open the door there. We’ll use the elevator to the second floor and haul it down the hallway to their room. Once the statue is on their bed, we’ll put the sign around the Virgin’s neck, and we’re out of there. We’ll all be a little late to dinner, but no one will suspect us because we’ll come in through the kitchen toward the back of the room. If anyone asks what we were doing in the kitchen, we’ll just say we were seeing how the cooks prepare the wonderful food.”

I thought for a moment, trying to find a flaw in their thinking. “How are you going to get into their room?”

Mia grinned and reached into the pocket of her dress, holding up a key. “I stole it from Vittoria. We’ve already made the sign, so we’re in execution phase right now.”

“Right now?” I yelped.

“Right now,” Alessa confirmed. “So, let’s not cock this up, ladies.”

I held up a hand, a small kernel of hope blossoming in my chest. “If you already have this all planned out, you don’t need me, right?”

“Wrong,” Mia said. “We need you to be our lookout and let us know when Gio and Vittoria have left their room to go to dinner, then make sure no one comes back upstairs while we’re moving the statue into their room. It’s super simple, just a little thing. Will you help us? Please, Lexi.”

“You want me to tell you when Gio and Vittoria have gone down to dinner and make sure no one else comes back upstairs?” I asked. “That’s it in terms of my participation?”

“That’s it,” Alessa confirmed. “Go back to your room, and when you and your handsome husband head down to dinner, I’ll intercept you again. Tell him to go on ahead and you’ll meet up with him shortly. Then wait for Vittoria and Gio to go down to dinner. When they’ve left their room, take the elevator down and we’ll be waiting there to load up the statue. You keep watch while we get the statue from the elevator, down the hallway, and into their room. Then we go down the elevator one more time and come into the dining room through the kitchen. Simple, awesome, and funny.”

I had to admit they weren’t asking too much from me, and maybe it was alittlefunny. Plus, if I cooperated, it might be the start of a closer friendship with Mia and Alessa. Slash might even have a laugh and commend me for going out of my comfort zone to interact with the other women in the family and participate in a silly girls’ prank.

A lookout. How bad could that be?

“Okay, I guess I can be a lookout,” I finally said. “That doesn’t seem too difficult.”

“Great!” Mia said. “That makes me happier than—”

“Stop, Mia,” I interrupted. “I seriously can’t handle any more stress right now.”

Alessa must have sensed I was on the edge, because she linked arms with me. “It’s time for Lexi to head back to her room. Remember, don’t say a word to Slash.”

I was having serious doubts about the whole thing as I returned to my room. Slash was just finishing up his glass of wine in front of the fireplace. I envied him.

“How did girl time go?” he asked, an amused look on his face.

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