Page 30 of Take Me Home for Christmas

But then I thought of all the secrets my brothers would spill.

I grabbed his down-padded arm. “We’ve got to talk,” I whispered. Panic made me a little dizzy, and I clutched the back of a chair to steady myself. Why did I hate discussing my screwups so much? I’d been like this as long as I could remember.

“Okay,” he said with the smile of a guy who was going to go out and have a few brewskies with the guys.

“All set?” Caleb called from the door.

“Be right there,” Brax said, oblivious to my pain. “Is this about any other foods you might hate that I don’t know about?”

I shook my head. How to tell him about the biggest mistake of my life in ten seconds or less? “If they mention a party this weekend, I’m not going, okay?”

Brax stared at me, probably wondering why my voice sounded an octave higher than usual, or why I was making a big deal, as if I were a slighted teenager who didn’t get an invite.

So I did the worst thing, kept on trying to explain. “Some people we know got married in Vegas, and they’re having a big get-together.”

“That sounds fun.” I could see him processing. “‘Some people’?”

“Old friends.” That was certainly not a lie. “But I’m not going. It…wouldn’t be fun for me.”

“Okay.” Not only were my parents lifelong friends with Charlie’s, but also, my brothers had gone all through school and played sports with his brothers. That was the thing about small towns—everyone knew everyone, and relationships were as entwined and twisted as orchid roots in a pot.

That was what I used to love the most. That people knew and cared for other people. But now—well, it was the worst thing. The very worst. To see all my old friends and be pitied or felt sorry for, to congratulate Charlie and his new wife and smile and pretend nothing awful had happened—no. I just couldn’t do it.

Brax was looking at me funny. Like, I wasn’t exactly giving him a lot to go on. And what about Gracie? I hadn’t told him anything about her either. “I have to tell you more. I—” My heart sank. How did I describe the essence of the person I held close in my heart, who I carried everywhere with me, in ten seconds? It was impossible.

“Hey, we’re sweating in these jackets.” Liam walked past and playfully tugged an earflap of Brax’s hat. “Let’s go, bro.”

He tipped his head to one side and assessed me carefully. “Everything okay?”

I dropped my voice. My brothers were standing near the door, Liam’s hand on the knob, and I could tell Brax was eager to follow. “My ex is having a party, and I’m not going.That’swhat you need to know.”

“Okay.” He gave an indifferent shrug. “All good.” He reached out and squeezed my arm. “Talk later, ’kay?”

He smiled and gave me a peck right on the lips. It was quick and decisive, just like him. Maybe he did it to distract me. Or because my brothers were watching. Or maybe he just didn’t see any of this as a big deal. His kiss sent sparks spreading allthrough me like a warm blanket, wiping my mind as blank as Emma’s throwback Etch-a-Sketch toy.

Charlie who?

A moment later, when I recovered, I knew I’d made a huge mistake, throwing Brax into the throes of my family without an instruction manual.

“They won’t rough him up too badly.” My mom had somehow snuck up directly behind me.

Liam laughed. “Nottoobadly,” he said, patting Brax on the back on their way out the door.

I forced myself to smile back. For the first time, I realized that this game I was playing wasn’t a game at all.

I’d avoided sharing my vulnerable spots, avoided telling Brax about my past. So now he was going to hear all about it from my brothers instead of me.

In our house, everyone traditionally pitched in with the dishes. Tonight, the guys had cleared and loaded, so I started in on the washing. My mom had insisted on helping until my dad intervened and made her go put her feet up in the family room in front of the big tree. I took a second in the now-empty kitchen to try to stop freaking out. All I knew was Gabe had better return from his holiday engaged and ecstatically happy. I was a private person, especially as far as Brax was concerned. This weekend was costing me a lot more than I wanted to give.

“Hey,” Dina said, returning from giving Emma a bath, startling me just as I finished. She was wearing Liam’s faded red UW hoodie, which practically came down to her knees.

“Go Badgers,” I said back, giving the rah-rah sign with my fist in response to the giant Bucky Badger mascot on the sweatshirt. “Mom and I were going to sit down in front of the fire. Join us?”

“Your mom just ran upstairs to read Emma a story. I just have to tuck her in, and then I’d love to catch up.” She looked at me—really looked, for the first time since I got home. “You okay?”

She’d always had this way of seeing through BS, starting from the time I’d broken up at age fifteen with Harry Styles, my first boyfriend. Okay, his name was really Evan Thomas, but his hair looked just like Harry’s. Anyway, Dina knew me far too well not to sense when something was up.

Instead of words, a tear came out.Drat.

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