Page 66 of This Loving Feeling (Mirror Lake)

“He’s coming through it okay,” Sam said, holding Bobby up so Stevie could see and approve of the patched parts. “Do you want to take him tonight or have me work on him some more?”

This time Sam caught Lukas’s eye from across the room. He was staring at her kind of funny. Probably just grateful at what she was doing for Stevie. Yep, that was all. Nothing else far mushier than that, like,you are making this little boy so happy.

Stevie considered his decision as he leaned on the sofa arm, one hand under his chin, which was quite possibly the cutest thing she’d ever seen. Her heart twisted again.

Stevie fingered his beloved. “How about surgery’s done for today and we can do more tomorrow?” he asked. “Bobby says he wants to come home with me tonight.”

“Almost bedtime, Stevie.” Lukas gave her a lingering look, one that said maybe he was wishing for a whole other kind of bedtime. Sam felt a blush start at her neck and work its way up “Guess we’ll be heading out. Thank Sam for the work she’s done on Bobby.”

Stevie did thank her, and took Bobby. Lukas brought her a glass of water so she wouldn’t have to get up for a while. “I’ll check in with you in the morning. Is that okay?”

“Really, I’m fine. That’s not necessary,” she said, avoiding his eyes. “But thanks, guys, for the pretty flowers.” She waved and blew kisses (to Stevie) until the door closed and she was left alone in the darkening house.

Sam shivered. It suddenly felt colder in the room with Lukas and Stevie gone. A crazy part of her wanted to push herself off the couch and run after them. Cry out,Don’t go! I belong with you, both of you.Even though she’d made it clear to Lukas that the opposite was true.

She looked around at the framed photographs she’d brought with her and set up on the shelves of the Donaldsons’ big bookcases. There was a photo from long ago of all of her siblings with their mom and dad at the beach. All the boys were wearing swim trunks and were grinning widely into the camera. Her mom was on one side, smiling at her father, who held Sam, a three year old, in his big strong arms. She had on a ruffly bathing suit and a sun hat and she was waving a plastic sand shovel. Her dad was looking at her mom, a joyful smile on his face.

Effie had said love was simple. It certainly looked simple in that photograph. A moment of joy, a family moment, a glimpse of the love between two people. Why did her own life seem so complicated in comparison?

She picked up Lukas’s camera, which he’d left on the coffee table, and pushed some buttons until she figured out how to flip through today’s pictures. There was Stevie hamming it up with James, happy smiles on their sweet faces. Effie and Alethea. Ben with the boys. And photo after photo of her.

She always looked terrible in photos, always grinning uncomfortably, never photogenic like her beautiful mother or like Jess, who’d never met a camera that didn’t caress her loveliness. But creative soul that he was, Lukas had captured her image—herspirit—with amazing artistry. The light, the angles, and okay, the many shots, had captured her laughing, frowning, joking, flirting. No cut-and-dry poses here. These were like a love letter. Before she knew it, she was cryingagain.

A knock on the door made her set down the camera. The tiny ball of turmoil that was ping-ponging all over her insides dissipated for a moment and she nearly jumped up in anticipation. All she could think washe came back.

The door opened. “Surprise!” Harris said with a huge smile, striding across the room to give her an enormous bouquet of red roses and a kiss. “Brad called and told me about your ankle, so I left early to be with you.”

She plastered on a grin that she didn’t really feel and kissed him back. Reminded herself harshly that Lukas was a fantasy, like Jess and all her athlete guys. Harris was the tried-and-true choice, and he’d clearly come back early because he was worried about her.

Then why was she so miserable? And what was she going to do about sleeping with him tonight?

The next morning, Lukas dropped Stevie off at Meg and Ben’s for a day trip to the zoo, with all the cousins, that they’d kindly invited Stevie to. Then Meg’s grandmother Gloria and her husband Maurice were going to watch the kids during tonight’s big donor dinner.

Lukas chatted with Meg and Ben for a few minutes, thanked them, then headed over to check on Sam. He hadn’t slept well—again—and he was anxious to talk with her. Being without her in his own place felt ... wrong. He wanted to tell her that, and other things too. On impulse, he stopped at Mona’s and picked up a couple of giant cinnamon rolls and coffee. Maybe they could sit outside again and enjoy the lake and have breakfast together.

The looks she gave him, the smiles, the warm, wonderful feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when he was around her—he couldn’t be imagining them. All he had to do was find the words to tell her how much she meant to him. Tell her they could work it out. There had to be a way.

At the top of the Donaldsons’ drive, a red beacon gleamed in the sun like a huge stop sign. As he approached, he saw it was Harris’s Maserati.

His heart full-on screeched to a halt.Calm down, calm down, he told himself.Don’t jump to conclusions.

But come on, what other conclusion was there? It wasn’t even 9:00 yet.

He sat there for a few minutes, blinking in the bright sunshine. Willing the car away. But it was not a mirage, and the god-awful thing didn’t budge.

He’d lost her. Harris had clearly driven in from some-fucking-where and had stayed the night. With Sam.

It was like six years ago, when he’d seen them Christmas caroling together. Kissing. Only this was so much worse.

Lukas squeezed the bridge of his nose but it didn’t help the pain that was bursting through his head, his chest, hisheart. He opened his glove box. Nothing but the car manual. Shit, where was a cigarette when he really needed one?

Funny, but he realized in that moment that he’d always expected her to leave Harris. Some part of him had expected her to choose him.

That was foolish, because he’d offered her nothing. He was leaving town. They would have had a brief fling at best.

He knew now she was so much more than a fling. And he’d just blown his last chance with her.

Pulling up next to the Maserati, he turned his car around, preparing to return down the long, winding driveway. Six years ago, he’d run away. Decided he wasn’t good enough and tossed in the flag. Let Harris have her.

---