Page 61 of This Loving Feeling (Mirror Lake)

“Don’t think I didn’t want you.” He snorted. “You’re all I thought about day and night. But you were so young—and innocent. I didn’t want to be the one to ruin that—ruinyou.I didn’t want to have sex with you because you were hurt over everything that happened. I always knew you were a good girl. You deserved more.”

Tears sprung up in her eyes. She shook her head as if she didn’t believe him. “You didn’t have sex with me because of some effed-up code of honor? I know I was angry at first but I—I fell in love with you, Lukas. I loved you.”

Her words fractured his heart into a million pieces. All aching. “I held out as long as I could. Until so help me God, I couldn’t hold out any longer.” He’d loved her from the moment he’d set eyes on her. He’d tried so desperately not to get involved with her. But the volcanic force between them was too explosive.

She lowered herself to a rock. “You say it like it was something you finally did to humor me.”

He squatted down and gripped her by the shoulders. “You know how it was between us.”

She looked him dead center in the eyes. “How was it, Lukas? Tell me.”

“I just knew when you came back from college that first Christmas, you weren’t mad at the world any more. I was certain you wanted ... me. I needed you to wantme.” She’d gone off to college and finally escaped the torment of her high school experience. Made friends. Had fun.

“Lukas, I always wanted you. From the first day I saw you standing outside at Clinker’s. Ilovedyou. Until you pushed me away.”

“If it helps, I’ve regretted that decision every day of my life.”

“You had another chance. The next summer, you kissed me. I broke up with Harris. But you left. You left forever. You never came back for me. Never called, never texted, never emailed.”

The silence was shattering. His heartbeat reminded him of the tick-tock of a clock in a cold, dark room, and it seemed to go on forever.

“Yes, I did.” His voice cracked. “I came back at Christmas.” He saw her shock, but he was done playing games. She wanted to hear it, and he was going to tell her. All of it. Face-to-face.

He watched her do the mental math. “Four months after you left?”

“I’d spent that time doing gigs in all kinds of places. Sleeping in bad hotels, eating in truck-stop diners. But I was making a name for myself, building my brand. Little by little I was getting noticed, and that kept me going.”

She shook her head. “You were too busy to call or even send an e-mail?”

“I was determined not to come back until I’d had some success, or what was the point? What could I offer you? Right before Christmas I played in Hartford, and there was an agent in the audience. I got him to look at my music. That was the beginning of it.”

“Lukas, you were never a failure to me. Only to yourself.” She was crying. Overhim. On instinct, he caught the tear with his thumb.

“I hitchhiked from Hartford with a trucker. All I could think of was sharing my good news with someone—with you. He dropped me off at the town square. There was a group of carolers there.”

Sam closed her eyes. She must have known what he was about to say. “Oh, don’t, Lukas. Please.”

“You were singing and laughing and shivering in the cold. Harris was standing next to you, rubbing your arms, whispering things in your ear. And when the music was over, he kissed you.”

She leveled her solemn green eyes on him. “I’d just agreed to give him another chance. He was persistent, and I was lonely. I’d given up thinking you wanted me.”

“Yeah, well. I didn’t give up on you. I just let my pride stop me from coming back sooner.” He’d waited too long, waited for success, and lost everything. Losther. He scanned her eyes, knowing this was his final chance to get it right with her. He clenched her arm so suddenly her breath caught. “Break up with him.”

“What!” she said too loudly. Then she lowered her voice. “Why—so we can sleep together and you can leave again?”

“What we have between us is about more than just sex and you know it. You don’t belong with him.” Oh, hell, it was, wasn’t it? About so much more than just sex. He was so, so screwed.

“Who do I belong with, Lukas?”

Me. You belong with me,a voice practically screamed in his head. He wanted to say it, but fear stopped him.

“Your career is just taking off. You’ll be on the road constantly.”

“Come with me.” The words spilled out of his mouth before he could rein them in. It startled him to realize he meant them. He didn’t just want to sleep with her to relive an old fantasy. She was much, much more than that; she’d worked so far into his system there was no turning back.

“Come with me,” he repeated. “On the road. Give us a chance to work.”

She was full-out crying now. He wanted to wipe her tears, tell her he’d never make her cry again if she’d only give him a chance. “You broke my heart, Lukas. Not once but twice. I’d be a fool to ever trust you again.” She glanced at the curvy dirt trail. “We’d better catch up.”

---