Page 54 of This Loving Feeling (Mirror Lake)

CHAPTER 12

Sam merged into the crowd at MacNamara’s, which was bustling on a Sunday night. A couple blocks off the main drag, it tended to be more of a hangout spot for locals than tourists. She pasted on a smile and nodded to a few acquaintances, trying to slow her breathing and her heart rate that had accelerated to panic proportions.

She’d tried to leave town. She’d gotten into her car and even turned on the ignition, ready to drive to Boston and surprise Harris. Being in his tidy apartment would reassure her that the life she’d worked so hard to build wasn’t really imploding before her eyes. Seeing the photographs of them that Harris kept scattered about—yes, he was sentimental that way—would remind her of her priorities. Therightones, not the rogue ones.

And those priorities werenothaving a rock-star one-night stand. Oh my God, she was not that kind of person. How did she ever allow herself to get so confused?

That kiss was so ... satanic. Yes, it was pure evil. Seductive, soft, devouring. He’d kissed her like there might never be another kiss, like his whole heart and soul, his entire being, was in that kiss. He’d kissed her like the earth was on fire and they were seconds away from complete annihilation. And the feel of his mouth on hers—oh, saints in heaven, that mouth. Warm and soft and utterly in control. She’d practically come right there.

She could not bring herself to drive to Harris’s, and not because her head was still spinning. It just felt somehow—wrong. Plus she felt guilty and confused. Finally she’d left her car and walked. Through the ritzy neighborhood with lakefront homes, past the Congregational Church and the B and B and into downtown. It was a perfect night, still warm and not a cloud in a star-filled sky. A night meant for lovers. But she barely noticed. She just knew she needed to get somewhere safe. Safe from herself.

The bar was cool and dark and noisy, and the absolute familiarity of it gave her a little bit of relief. A local band made up of a few college kids was playing classic Boss and for a moment she closed her eyes and got caught up in the notes of “Dancing in the Dark.” Sam remembered the days when Lukas used to play here with his garage band. In fact, a glossy eight by ten of him hung on the wall, framed and autographed. He was wearing a leather jacket that probably cost thousands and his hair was artfully messy, not the way it was back in the day when his look was more unrefined and he didn’t have an army of stylists and handlers and image consultants.

She suddenly missed those days.

In the crowded bar, someone was calling her name. Her sister-in-law, Olivia, got up from a booth and waved. Next thing she knew, she was being dragged over to her other two sisters-in-law, who were sitting, drinking bright crimson margaritas with lime slices and salted rims.

Meg held up her empty glass as Scott MacNamara, the owner, passed by. “Sammy, honey, want one, too?”

Sam nodded. She didn’t ever order much besides beer but the drinks looked pretty and tonight she didn’t give a fig what form her alcohol took. Sam loved her sisters-in-law and she was grateful tonight of all nights for their kind invitation. But she was younger than they were and the three of them were best friends. They were always kind but she worried a little that she was interfering. Or that they’d perceive the drama of her life to be juvenile compared to their own. After all, they were all married and had kids. Between the three of them,lotsof kids.

“You look like someone ran over your dog,” Alex, her brother Tom’s wife, said.

“I don’t have a dog, Alex.”

“Maybe you need one, then.” She giggled a little and took a sip of her drink, which from her very happy demeanor was probably not her first. She lowered it a little too carefully and looked at Sam. “What’s wrong, sugar?”

She didn’t want to go all Debbie Downer on them. For one thing, this was their time to unwind. She knew getting together like this was something they tried to do once every few weeks, but the time often got preempted by one of the kids’ activities or a sudden earache or fever or any of the bunch of other stuff they had going on. Plus they were all married to her brothers. No information would be sacred. Her brothers would know all the intel by midnight. So she tried to tell herself it was just nice having company when she felt so ... lost.

“Nothing. I had a great time at James’s party today. I just stopped by to say hey.”

“I’m so glad you came,” Meg said, patting her hand as Olivia slid over to make room for Sam.

“Me, too,” Alex said. “And thanks for bringing Mr.Hottie Rocker to the party today. There was some serious chemistry going on between you two during the clown show.”

Sam’s face flooded with heat. She should have gone to Gertie’s before it closed and gotten a pint of Cherry Garcia to wallow in by herself. Why, oh why, had she come here instead? “Oh, no chemistry,” she said, waving a hand in dismissal. “We were just joking around for the kids.”

“But you looked like you wanted to befoolingaround,” Alex said, waggling her eyebrows.

“Time to cut you off, dear,” Olivia said, pushing the pitcher out of Alex’s reach and sliding up a plate of loaded nachos.

“Lukas’s little nephew is adorable,” Meg said. “He and James really hit it off.”

“And Annabelle,” Olivia said. “She would not stop talking about Stevie after he left.”

“Seriously, Sammy, we like the guy,” Alex said. “Besides his hotness, he was great with the kids.”

Meg took a sip of her drink. “Lukas saved the day. Ben told me even Brad was impressed.”

“Oh, Brad’s bark is worse than his bite.” Olivia flicked her wrist dismissively. “His being tough like that is just his way of showing love for you, Sam. He still feels a need to protect you. Please don’t take it personally.”

She tried not to, but still, Brad was Brad. Sam took a deep breath. Something was niggling at her and now would be the perfect time to bring it up, if only her courage didn’t fail her. “You three are all married.”

“Yes, we are,” Alex said, making a loud sucking noise with her straw as she hit the bottom of the glass. “To your brothers.” Then she giggled.

“Right. Anyway, I was just wondering something. “Does the—” She cleared her throat and stared again. “Does the romance get tired after a while?”

Sam swallowed hard. She was setting herself up as a butt for all sorts of jokes, but she had to know. Because everything new faded with time, right? She’d had so little experience with seeing couples go the distance. Her own parents had died young, and she’d never known her grandparents except for Effie.

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