Page 54 of Top Shelf

I clutch his hand tighter, wishing I could take it all away for him. The ride home is silent, and I feel this thickness in the air between us forming as we pull into the driveway. I’m terrified of what it may mean. For us. For him. For all of it.

We walk through the front door, and he bends down to scratch Odie behind his ears before he brushes by, dropping his keys lazily on the front table and kicking off his shoes. He swipes a hand down his face as he pulls open the refrigerator door, staring blankly into it like he’s waiting for something to jump out at him. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his middle, resting my head on his back. He closes the door and turns around, wrapping his arms around me.

“What can I do?” I whisper, refusing to loosen my grip on him. He kisses my head.

“Nothing,” he says. “This isn’t your problem. You didn’t hit him.”

I wish I would have.

“Okay, well,” I say, “you’ve been helping me with my problem for a few months now. Let me return the favor. What did Hal say? What can I do?”

He doesn’t say anything. He just smiles down at me and smooths his hands over my hair. He bends down and kisses my lips gently.

“Nothing, baby,” he says. “I just want to go to bed, okay?”

I watch as he walks by me, headed for the stairs. I follow him up, watching his every move, trying to gauge his mental state. He takes off his shirt and walks into the bathroom, turning the shower on. He pokes his head out.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” he says. I nod, waiting for him to close the door. I wait to hear the shower door open and close, and then I strip all of my own clothes off. If there’s nothing else I can do, I’ll be there for him the one way I know how: giving myself to him. Letting him have me, feel me. Letting him know I’m here and I’m his.

I slip into the bathroom and close the door behind me, pulling open the glass shower door and stepping inside. He turns to look at me, the water running off his hair and onto his face. I step into the water with him, slicking my hair back, and then I stand up on my tiptoes to give him a kiss. I start gently at first, then I use my tongue to invite him in, sucking on his lip before we pull apart. I drop to my knees in front of him, pushing him back gently against the wall as I pump my hand up and down his shaft a few times before I put him in my mouth, clutching onto his ass and pushing him in deeper.

I move my head back and forth, back and forth, until his head drops back. I push myself further into him until I feel myself gag, and then he pulls me up by my elbows. His lips crush mine as he kisses me, his fingers sliding down my soaking wet body until he finds my pussy. He pushes one finger in, then another, over and over until I feel myself coil around him, begging for more. He slips his fingers out and reaches down to pick me up, one leg over each of his arms. He spins me around and pushes me up against the wall, the coolness of it making me arch.

He moves to push himself into me, but he freezes. I know what he’s thinking. He doesn’t have a condom.

“Do it,” I tell him. “Take me raw.”

His eyes widen, and I can see the heat behind him, the animal he’s keeping at bay.

“I may be jobless here in a bit,” he says with a slick smile. “Are you on the pill?”

I nod, as much as the idea of having his baby excites me. I smile back.Alwaystakingcareofme.

“Thank God,” he growls as he thrusts himself inside of me. I moan as he moves, and there’s something about this angle that’s making it hard for me to breathe. He’s hitting a spot deep inside me with every push, every movement, and it’s making me see stars.

“Oh, God,” I cry out, “don’t stop, Ty. Take me just like this,” I tell him. He growls as he thrusts harder and faster, and I dig my nails into his shoulders as he goes. He clutches a handful of hair, and then I feel him go stiff inside me as he smacks his other hand against the wall. My legs drop down, and he lowers me to the ground slowly as we both pant in each other’s ear. We stand there for a minute, and I see him smile. He reaches a finger down to the inside of my thigh, swiping it and pulling it out in front of us.

“I’ve wanted to see this for so long,” he says.

“What?” I ask, my eyebrows knitting together.

“Me dripping out of you,” he says, and I’m revved up and ready to go again. But instead, he just pulls me into him, kissing me again as he positions me under the water to warm up. We wash each other, hold each other under the hot water, and stare at each other until our fingers are wrinkled. Finally, he turns off the shower, and we get out and dry off. When we walk into the bedroom, I go for the dresser, but he tugs on my hand.

“Not tonight,” he says. I give him a curious look, but he just leads me to the bed. “Just lay with me. Sleep with me naked. Skin to skin. No barriers. Please.”

I smile and nod.

I’d do anything for him right now. Sleeping naked with him doesn’t seem like the biggest ask.

As we climb into the bed and turn so we’re facing each other, I watch as his eyes close slowly. I push myself forward just a tad to kiss the tip of his nose, his cheek, his head, and he smiles.

“Are you worried?” I whisper. His open slowly, and he reaches a hand out to me.

“It’ll be okay, baby,” he says.

“That’s not what I asked,” I tell him. “Are you worried?”

He sighs.

---