Page 94 of Wild About You

I goggled at him. Not bothered? At losing Jamie? I’d been crawling around on my knees for the last few weeks unable to function, and she was waltzing off without a care in the world.

‘This is almost enough to make me start smoking again,’ said Roshni, wrapping her fleece-lined coat tight around her aswe sat on the antique bench in Belheddonbrae, cradling cups of tea that Mica had brought out to us. Roshni and George had arrived at half three, without the children this time.

‘Chocolate is my vice,’ I said. ‘Luckily, Tobias cleared out the staff biscuit stash in my absence, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to speak to you because my mouth would be full.’

She grinned but the smile faded quickly. ‘What a mess.’

‘Yep.’ I glanced at her. ‘Is that one of those designer dry robes? What the hell? Not a drop of water for three miles.’

She looked sheepish. ‘I just grabbed the first thing on the way out of the door.’

‘Bloody Londoners.’

‘Humph.’ She snuggled further into it.

‘How is he?’ I said. I’d been thinking constantly about whether to text Jamie. But why would he need a text from me? It would be like rubbing salt into a wound.

‘I mean, fine, kind of,’ said Roshni, her eyes fixed on the landscape. ‘But it’s like he’s completely withdrawn. He was already going that way, even when they were engaged, but now it’s complete. Like he doesn’t feel anything. And that worries me. The boarding school training, kicking in. Good old Hugo, though. Every time Jamie sits down, he leaps into his lap and gazes adoringly at him. It brings him back into the world again.’

‘We don’t deserve dogs,’ I said. ‘Plus, Hugo never liked Lucinda.’

‘Exactly!’ said Roshni. ‘Even the dog knew she was bullshitting. Honestly, my brother-in-law has spent hiswhole life being treated like a trophy to be won rather than an actual person. It’s exhausting watching so many women throw themselves at him like lemmings over a cliff.’

‘For the record, I think she did have feelings for him,’ I said.

‘Are you insane?’ Roshni widened her eyes at me. ‘The moment she got with him, she stopped paying her stable bills and started harping on about Mummy and Daddy not having enough money to do up the rectory. Don’t tell me to be soft on a gold-digger.’

‘Fair enough. But her life is here. She stables her horses here.’

‘I know. She’s messaged Jamie. He says he’s fine about it. Couldn’t care less.’

I caught her eye and she fiddled with her sleeve. ‘Exactly. Weird, no? So help me, gilts and bonds and City boys are about a hundred times easier to deal with than all thesefeelings.’ She held an imaginary cigarette in her elegant, tapering fingers.

‘I’m sure Jamie’s glad you and George are here.’

‘I think so. I don’t know. George is going to get in touch with some of their mutual friends, arrange some visits. Jamie needs company that isn’t just beagle-shaped. I’ve told him if he doesn’t agree, I’ll pay someone to kidnap him and deliver him to our house where he can babysit Kes and Jake.’ She sighed.

‘I told him I wanted to stay here,’ I said. ‘On the way back from London. He said it wasn’t a good idea.’

Roshni smacked her own forehead with a flat palm. ‘What is wrong with you two? I could knock your heads together. And why couldn’t you just be together, in the first place?’

‘I swore, when I came here, I’d learn to say no to things,’ I said quietly. ‘I was always such a “yes woman”. Saying no to the relationship with Jamie was part of getting over that.’

She narrowed her eyes. ‘So you’re a recovering people-pleaser?’ she said.

‘Something like that.’

‘Only, you wanted to be with him, didn’t you?’ Her eyes searched my face, her gaze clear and analytical. ‘That’s the impression you gave me.’

‘Yes,’ I said quietly. ‘I did. But—’

‘But nothing. Why didn’t you just put your own happiness first?’

The question floored me. I found myself counting my breaths again. ‘I was scared,’ I said. ‘And I wanted to protect him. Stonemore means so much to him.’

‘He can protecthimself,’ she said. ‘And he can protect Stonemore. But he can’t make himself happy.’

She leaned against me, and nudged me. I glanced at the questioning look on her face.

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