Page 47 of Wild About You

‘Right, I’m off.’ Fi stood up, jingled her keys, and looked at me, apprehension in her eyes. It was transfer day; the moment when Fi and Richard’s embryos were transferred into Fi’s uterus and they began their wait to see if the embryos would implant. Rather than rest, she had opted to stay busy and had come to work before the procedure.

I got up, went to her and put my arms around her. I didn’t know what to say, even though I’d been thinking about the perfect words to support her for several days now. I had to wing it. ‘It will be fine, everything will go smoothly and brilliantly,’ I said. It always felt so difficult – how to wish someone luck without building false hope? She rested her head on my shoulder for a moment. When she looked back at me, she was crying.

‘No, no, no…’ I took her face in my hands.

‘Sorry, it’s my frigging hormones,’ she sniffed, trying to smile.

‘It’s a constant battle,’ I said, because I didn’t know what else to say.

‘Richard’s cooking my favourite meal tonight.’

‘Lasagne? I’ll be over at seven.Kidding.’ She was properly smiling now. ‘Off you go. No more tears. Tears are forbidden. This is going to be a good day.’

After she’d gone, I felt dull and restless. Where was Hugo? The little hound seemed to quite enjoy being a stress toy. But he was nowhere to be seen, and Callum was out, so there wasn’t anyone to chat to.

I did a couple of emails then decided to check on Belheddonbrae. There’d been some spells of sunshine and showers, and I guessed the wildflower meadow would be showing progress. I also wanted to check whether Keith and Mica had enjoyed the cherry biscuits I’d made them the week before.

As I put my jacket on, I heard my phone chime.

SEANAre you screening my texts?

I narrowed my eyes at the screen and tapped back.

You can’t screen texts, Sean.

I left out the eye roll emoji I was tempted to add.

SEANI need to speak to you

ANNAAny missing CDs can be charged to my account.

SEANIt’s not that.

I put my coat on.

SEANI miss you.

The gut punch of feeling almost floored me. It took me back, in an instant, to a London street the year before. All of life moving around me – traffic, shoppers, a lady with a pram tutting because I was in the way. Exhaust fumes and the faint sweet smell of fruit, stacked outside a corner shop. As I stood there, watching my fiancé turn away from me, unable to meet my eye, because we’d just heard the worst news together, hand in hand. But now, having left the doctor’s office, he had let go of my hand.

For months, this text message would have been what I wanted to see. I would have broken down in relief and joy at the sight of it. Now, I felt…

Numb? Happy?No. Disappointed.Really?

I tried to breathe, as my self-help books had told me. I counted on the in-breath, counted on the out-breath. I tried to name the feeling that felt like a balled-up fist in the depths of my stomach.

Disappointment couldn’t be right. Irritation? I checked again and again in those few moments.

Yep, I was disappointed and irritated that Sean had contacted me.

SEANAnna????

I jabbed at the settings of my phone, and blocked him. I needed time to think, free from his messages.

There was no reason to delay going to Belheddonbrae, despite the fact that I now felt a bit shaky. So I locked up the office and went out into the fresh air, relishing the glances of some curious tourists. I loved the backstage, behind the scenes feeling of emerging from the staff office.

I heard the distant baying of the beagles as they took their afternoon play time in the enclosure, poor munchkins. Kept on walking that same route Callum had shown me on my first day, which was now as familiar to me as the walk to my own cottage.

I stopped dead at the gate to Belheddonbrae.

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